BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

September 28th

So today is the one year anniversary of being adopted by my Dad and becoming and Oeser. Its a decision I made about 3 years ago and after a long process we made it happen 1 year ago.  I am so happy that we made this decision and I wouldn't change it.  My dad and his family have been my family for the majority of my life and my adoption was just a matter of making it official.  So Happy Anniversary Dad, I love you!!

Thursday

So, as a lot of you already know, I've been sick for like a week.  Thursday morning I woke up at like 2:30 a.m. and couldn't breathe.  I didn't have an inhaler or anything with me at college so I went downstairs to the RA on duty and told her that I've been sick and was having a really hard time breathing.  She started to panic a little bit but called the campus EMTs, I think its called OSES or something like that.  Any who, for some reason campus police had to come too and they got there first.  The EMTs put me on oxyget, took my vitals and got all of my information.  They said if I was having trouble breathing and felt as though I was going to pass out then I should go to the emergancy room.  So I was paraded out of my building by 2 police officers and 3 or 4 EMTs.  That was embarrassing.  Then an ambulance came and took me to the ER.  They gave me a breathing treatment in the ambulance and that helped my breathing a lot.  I was the only person in the emergancy room so there was no wait.  They took all my vitals again and took x-rays of my lungs.  They told me that I had bronchitis and laryngitis and they gave me an inhaler, and 2 perscriptions for cough medicine and an antibiotic.  I went home later that day and stayed there for the rest of the week.  I'm better now, I still feel pretty shitty, but at least I have my voice back and I can usually breathe.  So thats my exciting story for the week :P

Monday, September 27, 2010

Do you remember. . .?

Do you remember the day we met?
I remember what what you wore.
I remember how sick I was, and you thought I wasn't interested.
Do you remember the first time we made love?
I will never forget it.
Do you remember the first time I told you I loved you?
I do, even though I've said it at least a million times since then.
Do you remember our song?
If you don't, you can find it on my blog :P
Do you remember that time in the car, with your bestfriend in the back seat?
How about the picture the 3 of us took together?
Do you remember when you went with me to the cemetary?
I really appreciated that.
Do you remember your going away party?
Do you remember how I tried so hard not to cry the day that you left. . .but failed horribly?
Do you remember all the letters I wrote?
Do you remember what I got you for christmas?
Do you remember what I got your parents for christmas?
Do you remember going to the movies with me? 
Do you remember what we saw? 
We went to 3 of them.
Do you remember where you bought my ring?
Do you remember what it looked like?
How many diamonds did it have?
Do you remember new years eve?
Do you remember when we brought you back to the airport?
I hated that day soo much.
Do you remember when I went to see you graduate?
Do you remember the bathroom?
I remembered feeling choking back tears the whole way home.
I missed you soo much.
Do you remember that night in May?
It was warm that night.
I remember how you used to kiss me. . .how I used to feel when you would kiss me.
I remember how happy I was when I would get a letter from you.
I remember how you rubbing your head made you fall asleep.
I remember the moment I decided I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I remember agreeing to marry you.
I remember the pain I felt every time I had to say goodbye again.
I remember the day we called it quits.
The only thing I don't remember. . .is when I fell out of love with you.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Comments

I was just informed today that my readers were unable to post comments on my page.  This was due to my third party template that I uploaded, but I just wanted to let you all know that it is fixed and you can now leave as many comments as you want.  Happy reading :D

Grateful Dead-Touch of Grey

Must be getting early
Clocks are running late
Paint by Number morning sky
Looks so phony

Dawn is breaking everywhere
Light a candle, curse the glare
Draw the curtains, I don't care
'Cause it's all right

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive

I see you've got your fist out
Say your piece and get out
Yes I got the gist of it
But it's all right

Sorry that you feel that way
The only thing there is to say
Every silver lining's got a
Touch of grey

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive
It's a lesson to me
The Ables and the Bakers and the C's
The ABC's we all must face
To try to keep a little grace

It's a lesson to me
The Deltas and the East and the Freeze
The ABC's we all think of
To try to win a little love

I know the rent is in arrears
The dog has not been fed in years
It's even worse than it appears
But it's all right

Cow is giving kerosene
Kid can't read at seventeen
The words he knows are all obscene
But it's all right

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive

The shoe is on the hand it fits
There's really nothing much to it
Whistle through your teeth and spit
'Cause it's all right
Oh well, a touch of grey
Kind of suits you anyway
That was all I had to say
And it's all right

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive

We will get by
We will get by
We will get by
We will survive

College (some high roman numeral, I have no idea where we are anymore :P)

So today was ACTUALLY a really good day.  Dispite the fact that I've been sick the last few days, today was good.  I was tempted to just stay in bed and not go to classes today, but I pushed myself and in my first class we got to watch Into the Woods, which is one of my favorites.  The weather was really nice, so that felt good as well.  I went to dinner with Rob and Andrew, and although the food kinda sucked, I enjoyed the company as always.  Then Josh came over to get notes for the CLASS HE SKIPPED! and I ended up reading his tarot cards and his horoscope and harassing him for about 2 hours lol, and that was probably the most fun I've had sober since I've been here.  That put me in the gypsy mood so I texted Audrey to see if I could read her tarot cards and she made delicious cake.  Cake always puts a smile on peoples faces, and before I knew it, I was really feeling better. Maybe things are looking up?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Back Up Plans

First of all, I would just like to say as an update to a prior post titled "Philosophy" I got a 100 on that short little response!! lol
I've decided if the whole college thing doesn't work out, I should probably have a back up plan. . .So I actually made three back up plans incase the first two back up plans don't work :P
Backup Plan A:  Find a wealthy bachelor and marry him.  That way, I don't have to go to college, nor to I have to work and for the next few years and I can be a baby maker and forever be an amazing housewife.  What ever woman decided that she wanted to be equal to men and work. . .ya she should be kicked in her womanly part. 
Backup Plan B:  In the event that I don't find a wealthy bachelor to marry I will get dreads in my hair and become a gypsy.  I will hitch hike my way all over the United States reading tarot cards, palms, and telling people their horoscope. 
Backup Plan C:  If the first two plans don't work, then I'm going to take Gabby down with me and we're both going to ditch college and run away and become Groupies for some band (and no, not Justin Bieber).

So, what do you think??  At least I have a plan for myself and goals :D

Monday, September 20, 2010

College. . .again

All my life I have been planning to go to college.  My life has been built around my education and me persuing my career. . .now that I'm here. . .everything feels sooo wrong.  What if I made the wrong decisions that lead me down the wrong path?  What if where I am now. . .just seriously isn't where I'm meant to be?  What if everything I'm doing is wrong?  I never thought I would ask those questions, not about college. . .but now that I'm here I can't help it.  What if college just isn't for me?  I ask that question and then immediately this little voice pops in my head and tells me that if college isn't just for me then what is? because in this country college is the only way of making anything of yourself.  You can't get a decent job without a college degree unless you are good with computers (which I'm not) or join the military.  What am I doing. . .or a better question, what am I supposed to be doing? 

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Mini Rant for The Day

Ok, I was trying to creatively explain my thoughts and feelings right now and it wasn't coming out right so I'm just going to be blunt.  I'm retarded sometimes and (I'm going to blame my frontal lobe right now) and because my frontal lobe isn't fully developed and I can't foresee the future outcome of my decisions I sometimes make bad decisions that, at first seem like its all going to be good, but then end very badly.  As a result of this I'm embarrassed and let down. . .but I guess its okay that I still can't really feel anything and I have this Great Wall of China wrapped around my heart.  So thats my mini rant.  The End.  Peace and Love.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Changing It Up

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've actually been working all day long on getting a new template for my blog.  I've changed it probably about 15 times today and I've finally (maybe) settled on this one.  I figured that since its just passed the 1 year anniversary of my blog and I haven't changed the template since I made it. . .it was time for a change.  I like this template because its very. . .me.  Everything I stand for involves peace and love so I thought this was appropriate.  I hope you like it, if not. . .oh well, I can't please everyone.  Enjoy :D

Enough Said :D

Here's a little song i wrote,
you might want to sing it note for note,
don't worry, be happy

in every life we have some trouble,
when you worry you make it double
don't worry, be happy

dont worry be happy now
dont worry be happy
dont worry be happy
dont worry be happy
dont worry be happy
aint got no place to lay your head,
somebody came and took your bed,
don't worry, be happy
the landlord say your rent is late,
he may have to litagate,
dont worry (small laugh) be happy,
look at me im happy,
don't worry, be happy

i give you my phone number,
when your worried, call me,
i make you happy

don't worry, be happy
aint got no cash, aint got no style,
aint got no gal to make you smile
but don't worry, be happy
cos when you worry, your face will frown,
and that will bring everybody down,
so don't worry, be happy
don't worry, be happy now...

don't worry, be happy
don't worry, be happy
don't worry, be happy
don't worry, be happy
now there this song i wrote
i hope you you learned it note for note
like good little children

dont worry be happy
listen to what i say
in your life expect some trouble
when you worry you make it double
dont worry be happy
be happy now

dont worry, be happy
dont worry, be happy
dont worry, be happy
dont worry, be happy
dont worry
dont worry be happy
don't worry, don't worry, don't do it,
be happy,put a smile on your face,
don't bring everybody down like this
don't worry, it will soon pass whatever it is,
don't worry, be happy,
i'm not worried


~Song done originally by Bobby Mcferrin.  Bob Marley performed the song as well after the death of Bobby Mcferrin, but I love Bob Marley soo <3~

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Philosophy

So I just got back from my philosophy class.  Today we had to write a "brief description of the worlds of being and becoming."  I thought my response was interesting because during the entire class I was trying so hard to wrap my head around these concepts and I just wasn't getting them.  Then, with 15 minutes left in the class, my professor gives us this assignment to do before we leave.  At first I was nervous because I couldn't grasp these ideas and now I had to describe them.  So I started writing. . .and it was weird because as I started writing I started to understand it and I was able to write a decent, coherent response.  I feel like the more I wrote about it. . .the more I understood it, but that baffles me because I didn't know what I was doing when I started.  I wrote that we live and exist with everything around is in the world of becoming because if knowledge is perception and our peception is always changing as we change then we, and everything around is, is always changing and always becoming.  I went on to say the world of being is somewhat unattainable any where outside of our minds because we perceive things as being what they are, but in reality they are always becoming.  My paper was a little better scripted than my description here, but if you have any knowledge of philosophy this probably (hopefully) makes sense lol.  But yeah. . .just thought I would share that weird experience with y'all.  Have a good one.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Cancer

Somebody told me today that they have cancer.  I sat there for a second. . .not knowing what to say.  What do you say to someone that tells you they have cancer?  He told me that he has stage 2A lung cancer.  The next thing he said was "oh well."  That shocked me and I found my words.  I asked him if he realized that his life affected everyone around him.  Thats when he told me he didn't have any friends or family.  He said the only people around him were those that used him and he let them because thats all he had.  I could relate to that sentence.  His attitude was apathedic. . .he didn't care that he had cancer, he didn't care that death was a posibility. . .he didn't care because he had nothing to live for.  What do you say to someone that has cancer and nothing to live for?  I hate being in these situations where people need help and there is NOTHING I can do.  I am trying my damnest to save the world. . .but sometimes I feel so helpless.  I want to take his cancer away and make him all better, I want to make him smile and feel loved, I want to make everyones life. . .everything they've dreamed of. . .but I can't.  If I could take away everyones pain, suffering, disease. . .everything I would.  I would give my life for another person even if I had no idea who they were, but in situations like this. . .all I can do is sit here and talk to him.  I can visit him and give him a hug.  Thats it.  I can't take it away.  I can't make it better.  I can't give him something to live for, or anything.  I can't do anything. 

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Home for the Weekend

So I went home this weekend to go to a football game and see some friends and family.  I love seeing my friends from highschool and I miss them to death.  After the football game this evening a bunch of my friends and I decided to get slushies like we used to.  As we were driving through town and I looked around I felt. . .lost.  I went home because I've been so depressed at college and I feel like I don't quite fit in yet, but when I got home. . .I felt like I didn't really belong there either anymore.  I went to the football game and was amazed at all the faces I didn't know and I only graduated a few months ago.  Last year, I knew everyone.  Then, as I was driving thought town and seeing all the different places, I started remembering things, moments, events I shared with people in these places. . .but remembered that I don't live here anymore and everything here is JUST memories.  I had a blast with my friends, it was the best night I've had probably since I left for college and I was actually sober. . .but at the same time I feel like we're all going in different directions now and we all have new lives, we're no longer like puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly.  It makes me sad because. . .I have no idea where I fit.  I don't feel like I fit in at college and know my place there, and I no longer fit in at home. . .where do I belong?  I hate feeling like this. . .I hate being so lost. . .I want to go back to being happy, and enjoying every minute of life with the people that I love most.  I know you're all probably getting sick of my melodramatic, depressing posts so I promise I'll pick up the beat soon. . .just need to vent I guess.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

From Dan

This is something my friend Dan made for me, he said it "just popped" in his head so I figured I'd post in on here.  Thanks Dan.

Toy


Apparently this is me.  A toy. . .a doll.  That must be how people see me.  A doll doesn't move, doesn't feel, doesn't cry. . .doesn't live.  A doll can be played with, cherished for a few moments and then tossed away once the owner gets bored.  People must think I am a doll. . .they play with my head and my emotions and think its okay.  Do they think I won't care?  Do they think I won't feel anything?  They must think I won't be upset if I get thrown away once they've used me up.  They must think I'm only here for their enjoyment and to assist their needs.  If thats all I'm worth then why the fuck am I here?  I'm not just going to sit there and smile while I'm toyed with and then thrown away.  I won't let it happen. 

Monday, September 6, 2010

Rain

I sat outside in the rain today, and watched as the water droplets disappeared into the ground.  One second they were there, and the next they were just a dark spot.  It made me think of how when I was little, my mom told me that rain was angles crying.  I believed her.  I also believed her when she said she had eyes on the back of her head lol.  I believed everything anyone older than me told me.  Now. . .I believe the rain is cold.  I believe if I fall I'll get scraped, that if I don't eat for 24 hours I won't feel hungry anymore, that sun goes up every morning and goes down every night. . .I believe the world that I see, the world that I feel.  I felt the rain, and I saw it disappear.  Sometimes I wish I could be like rain. 

Katy Perry - Teenage Dream (you know all of the songs I put on here have a deeper meaning)

You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the puch line wrong
I know you get me
So I'll let my walls come down, down

Before you met me
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love

We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

College. . .

You want to know the truth?  The real truth?  The truth is. . .I'm losing myself.  I've gotten to college with all these different types of people and I'm losing who I am. . .I'm honestly not sure who that is anymore.   Before I came here, I thought I knew. . .I thought I knew what made me happy and what I was all about, but now I haven't a freaking clue.  I don't know where I fit in, or what I'm supposed to be doing.  My head is spinning.  I thought I knew what I was doing. . .I thought the people I was hanging around with were my friends. . .I thought wrong.  Now. . .now it feels like its too late.  Everyone has their circle and all the spaces are filled. . .and here I am sitting on the outside looking in.  I feel empty, lost, and alone. . .I'm not sure I've ever felt like this before.  I had anticipated things working out so differently. . .I don't know what I did wrong. . .

Random Ranting :-/

What do you do when you can't pick yourself up?
What do you do when you reach out, and no one is there to take your hand?
What do you do when you're so lost you don't even know which way is up?
If you're alone in the world, and no one can see you. . .do you exist at all?