Thursday, October 27, 2011

All About Love

I'm only 19, I'll be 20 in January, but in the last few years I think I've learned quite a lot about love.  Love isn't butterflies.  Love isn't sex.  Love isn't love letters and flowers.  Love isn't diamonds.  Love isn't days, weeks, months, or years.  Love isn't whispers in your ears.  Love isn't holding hands.  Love isn't beautiful.  Love isn't kind.  Love isn't indestructible.  And for goodness sakes, love isn't happily ever after.  No no, love is waking up in the morning and kissing despite the god awful morning breath.  Love is waking up with hair in disarray and make up smeared and lying to me that you still think I'm beautiful.  Love isn't compromise, its giving up because dammit you just don't want to argue about it anymore.  Love is driving each other up a wall to the point of wanting to murder each other, but going to bed in each others arms anyways.  Love is waking up and forgetting what it was you went to bed arguing about.  Love definitely hurts.  Love comes, and it goes. . .but love never dies.  Love is biting your tongue.  Love is doing it even though you don't want to.  Love is a commitment.  Love is a verb.  Love can often mean goodbye.  Love is the number one cause of tears in all 50 US states.  Love is tolerance.  Love can kill.  Love is selfless.  Love is jealousy.  Love is frustration.  Love is worry.  Love is stress.  Love is trust.  Love is sticking around, even after the fights, tears, tantrums, break downs, ups, and downs. . .because love is all we've got.  That's what I've learned about love.

Halloween 2011

Its ironic how halloween is my favorite holiday.  So many people have come and gone this time of year its a wonder how I can even be in the mindset to celebrate.  The one year anniversary of David's death was just the other day, and the four year anniversary of Jessie's death is fast approaching on the 6th.  I said goodbye to Chris, and hello to Tim this time of year as well.  I started work at Mercato's and withdrew from Oneonta. I got pneumonia and had my lung collapse two years ago about this time. . .same time I broke up with Chris and shortly after began my relationship with Tim.  Now I've just left the nursing program. . .and my way.  I've spent so many days in bed crying this time of year.  Despite it all, Halloween is my favorite type of year.  Perhaps its because a part of me is still just that morbid, or perhaps its the one day I can acceptably not be myself and escape.  Whatever the reason, halloween is on monday and dammit I still don't know what I want to be.  I suppose it doesn't really matter seeing as I have to work all weekend prior, and go to school the night of.  But I'm sure I'll dress up as something, even if I find it in my own closet.  Happy halloween, here's to hoping that this year. . .I won't be spending any more days in bed crying. . .just celebrating :)

Living With A Boy: CJ Part II

Mood: Just woke up
Weather: From what I can hear. . .rainy, probably cold too!

So CJ and I have a washer and dryer upstairs in our apartment building.  It costs a dollar a load (which people say thats cheap but I went all my life without ever having to pay for laundry so I hate this shit! lol).  CJ and I do laundry probably every week and a half, or when we realize we have no clothes :P This last time, I started the laundry and I noticed there was a new note on top of the dryer asking everyone to please check their pockets for pens and candy so it doesn't make a mess.  Well the last time we did laundry, CJ did the laundry and he left violin rosin and pens in his pockets which made the mess they were talking about.  So this time I made sure to check the pockets before I put the load in the laundry.  Well CJ finished the laundry and it turns out that one of CJ's million cargo pockets had a couple pens in them. . .These pens stained the dryer pretty bad, so when I went an dried the next load, a bunch of our clothes got ruined.  One of my favorite shirts included.  Not to mention laundry has been done for 2 days, and where do you think the majority of CJ's clothes still are?  Yup. . .still in the laundry basket on the floor.  I think we are going to do our laundry separately from now on, and our landlady called CJ and chastised him for it.  He's supposed to try to clean it, but apparently (so he says) she wasn't mad about it.  This boy is going to be the death of me lol.  Love you Sparky.