Thursday, December 29, 2011

My Other Christmas Present

Mood: The way you would expect any female to feel when she gets jewelry :P 
Weather: Cold dammit! 

So aside from my cute and hilarious turtle Gertrude (Gerdy), CJ also bought me this beautiful ring.  The center stone is blue topaz, and the darker blue stones are sapphires.  There are four encrusted diamonds at the corners and its all set in white gold.  Its his promise ring to me. . .that when we CAN afford it :P he'll get me an engagement ring <3 I love you with all my heart Sparky <3 

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

365 Days

So I guess the Mayan calendar says that we have exactly 365 days until the end of the world. . .apparently a lot of people believe this.  Do I?  Who knows.  I'm still trying to figure out if I actually exist so I'm not sure I'm a reliable reference on beliefs.  I think the weather has been crazy, though its not like this hasn't happened before.  The economy is shit, also. . .happened before.  And every other day some priest is shouting to the heavens that its the end of the world, but the sun still rises and sets the next day.  But some how these ancient people can somehow predict the future, and the end of the world.  365 days. . .How fast did the last 365 days go?  How much happened?  How much changed?  What have you done in the last 365 days that you are proud of?  That you regret?  The world could end in 365 days, it could end tomorrow. . .it could end in a million years.  But if the world was to end, there are things I would like to have done, things I would want to have said. . .and so I think I'm going to try to live this next year like its my last.  Who knows. . .maybe it will be.  If not. . .I have lost nothing  :) Here's to one amazing year, whether it be the end, or just the beginning.  12/21/12. . .here I come :)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Living With A Boy: Christmas Present

Its quite hard for CJ and I to keep things hidden from each other now that we live together, especially christmas presents.  CJ already knows about most of his, and I went with him to pick out mine.  First he got be this beautiful promise ring from Kay.  It's white gold with a blue topaz stone with two blue sapphire stones on either sides and diamonds above.  Its beautiful and I actually chose that one over a more expensive diamond and sapphire ring simply because I loved this one more.  Its kind of like a pre-engagement ring. . .or like a "when I can actually afford to even think about a wedding I'll get you a real engagement ring" ring :P but while we were there we found out that CJ has excellent credit, also good news :) So for my second present, I GOT A TURTLE!!!! She is adorable and I named her Gertrude.  At first I didn't think you could easily tell the gender of a turtle so I was going to name her Crush, after the turtle in finding nemo.  But then I looked it up online and found out she is a girl so I named her Gertrude. . .I'm sure a middle name is in her near future, you know me ;)  But she is a baby, red eared slider.  She is smaller than my hand right now but she will grow to be as big as a plate and we got her a 40 gallon tank for when she does :P But I think she is too cute and so fun to watch.  I have the best boyfriend ever.  I love you CJ.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Hernas Veterinary Clinic

So I had to update Jack on his rabies and distemper shots and I had to find a vet.  I have never had to do this before so it was interesting.  I had called a woman my parents had suggested but she didn't call me back until a week and a half later, so I went online and looked up the best rated vets in the area.  Number 1 was the Hernas Veterinary Clinic, so I called and made an appointment.  I was nervous about taking him to the vet because he gets nervous around new people alone.  Not to mention a new place with new people in lab coats that want to stick him with needles.  They were very nice and understanding and Jack did such a good job, I'm so proud of him.  All 45.5 pounds of him! lol.  They were also very affordable, $93 for the visit and 2 shots :)

My Blog

So I've changed a few things around lately.  At the top of my blog you will find the title and a brief description :) To the right you will find a picture of me, the number of hits I've gotten (not recorded from the start of my blog), a few polls, recent comments, my blog archive, and my lables.  My blog archive is a list of all my posts in order of date and the lables are how I tagged my posts.  So if you want to find posts about a certain thing you just look for the word and click it to find all the posts about or including that lable.  Then at the bottom of my blog I have a link to my google profile and then a list of all my links which you should all check out.  I have other pages of mine, and a few other blogs and websites I think you should take a peek at.  Then of course, front and center you have all of my posts.  Enjoy and feel free to let me know what you think.  You can always leave a comment, or select a reaction at the bottom of each post to check.  Thanks.

The People

"that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. (Gettysburg address by Abraham Lincoln)." 
The people of this nation are protesting.  They are poor.  They are suffering.  1% is controlling the majority because of money.  The people are protesting.  The people can't find jobs.  The people can't get surgery, or medication.  The people are dying.  Of the people.  By the people.  For the people.  The people are protesting.  What is our nation doing for it's people?  The people are 99%. . .its only a matter of time before the 1% is dissolved. . .but then what will our nation be?  Scary times. . .scary times. 

Growing Up

Mood: Thoughtful
Weather: Cold, clear sky

So I realized today that my baby sister is going to be 13 in a few weeks.  She is 7 years younger than me and I remember the day she was born.  I woke up in the middle of the night and my parents were gone.  My grandma martha lived upstairs so I called her and she told me my mother was in labor.  We didn't know the gender of the baby.  The next day I went to the hospital to see my new baby sister.  I got to hold her.  I cried when she turned 1 because I didn't want her to grow up. . .now she is turning 13.  That makes me feel old.  Growing up sucks.  It makes me realize what they meant about wanting to grow up too fast, and we should enjoy our child hood.  Working all the time and having responsibilities sucks, I totally miss high school!  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the money and the freedom, but I miss having nothing to worry about as far as bills and a job and what not.  *sigh* Em, will you please stay 13 forever?? Love you!!! P.S Don't do all the stupid things I did when I was your age that you're not old enough to know about yet! :P 

Monday, November 21, 2011

Living With A Boy: Christmas Tree

Mood:  Content, nothing to complain about
Weather:  Chilly and cloudy

So the other day, Cyndi and I went to walmart.  While we were there I found this absolutely beautiful, all white, pre-lit tree for only $40. . .so of course we had to get it.  Then we got a bunch of ornaments. . .that were all purple, pink, and white :P we even got purple high heel shoe ornaments and a purple balarina.  We thought CJ was going to flip because he loves christmas and we just got a bunch of girly ornaments so I had him hide in the bedroom while we set it up.  Turns out he loves the tree, he was just happy that he doesn't have to worry about it. . .what a guy response :P So anyways, here's the tree:  

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Living With A Boy: Dinner for 7 update :)

Dinner went very well.  I made my marinaded chicken that I fry in a pan, pasta salad, garlic bread, and broccoli. My parents brought cheesecake and CJ's mom brought soda and a bottle of red wine.  Everything came out great, but my chicken didn't come out as good as it normally does.  That's just my luck though, I finally want to show it off and it doesn't come out as good.  It was still really good, but its usually better :) Then, after everyone left, we shared the bottle of wine that no one wanted and cleaned up <3

Living With A Boy: And a girl?

Mood: Great, but not feeling very well 
Weather: Not sure but it looks gloomy 

I just recently got back into contact with the girl I grew up with from the time I was 2.  Cyndi moved in next door to me when I lived in amsterdam and saw that I had a swing set at my house.  Well she just came right over and started playing on my swing set and I saw her out the window so I ran to tell my mommy.  My mom then took me outside to meet the strange girl on my swing set and we've been best friends ever since.  I couldn't remember her name after that so when I wanted her to come play I would just yell friend out my window. . .:P Well I don't know how much she wants me to post publicly but she recently got out of a bad situation and is now staying with CJ and me until she finds a job and gets her own place.  Its nice having a girl around for a change, especially one that I've known for so long.  Its nice catching up :) We don't have a spare bedroom for her so she is staying on our couch, luckily we have a lot of storage space in our apartment so finding room for her stuff really isn't a problem.  

Sunday, November 6, 2011

LIving with a Boy: Dinner for 7

Today is the day we've all been waiting for.  Today I am having my family and CJ's mom up for dinner. . .I'm cooking my special chicken, my parents are bringing dessert, and CJ's mom is bringing beverages.  Its the first time I'm having any of them over for dinner for my cooking.  I've cooked for my parents before, but never my own recipe :)  So I am making my special chicken, italian pasta salad, broccoli and garlic bread :) and my parents are bringing a surprise for dessert.  Finding enough seating for 7 people is hard enough but we're figuring it out.  I'll post an update after :)

Saturday, November 5, 2011

4 Years. . .

Mood: Reminiscent 
Weather:  Chilly but otherwise a nice day :)

I can't believe its been 4 years.  November 6th, tomorrow, will be 4 years since the day Jessie died.  Its always been a hard day for me. . .and quite honestly probably always will be.  This day changed my life. . .and I will never be the same.  For those of you that don'e know, Jessica Canfield was my cousin.  She was almost exactly a year older than me and we were best friends.  We grew up together and November 6th, 2007 she was taken from me.  My cousin, her little sister, and Jessie's best friend all skipped school and were driving through the town of Florida. . .she over turned and then over corrected and hit a tractor trailer head on.  Her best friend broke her leg.  Her little sister, who was 11 at the time. . .was nearly cut in half by her seat belt and is now confined to a wheel chair because she is paralyzed from the waste down.  When I got that phone call that night. . .a part of me died, and an even bigger part of me died when I saw her laying in a box. . .motionless at the funeral 6 days later.  Tomorrow will be 4 years. . .4 years.  That's 1461 days.  She was like a sister to me and I miss her very much.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. . .and remember her.  I am going to the cemetery tomorrow, I go at least twice every year, on the anniversary and on her birthday.  I love you and miss you to death Jess.  I wish you were here with me. . .there is so much I want to tell you.  I want you to meet Jack, and CJ.  I want my best friend back.  RIP Jess <3 

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Journey to Me: Part II

I want to be:
the hand you grasp when no one else is there
the light in the darkness
the smile on your face
the one that lifts the weight off your shoulders
the shoulder you cry on
the person you trust
the friend you've always needed

I want to be:

Do they offer college courses for that??? 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Recently of Me :)

Halloween 2011: Part II

Mood: Well. . .ya know
Weather: Not horrible for November 

So this year on Halloween I was supposed to have class from 6-9pm.  And I had all intentions of going to said class.  I even drove all the way to college, sat at college with my friends before class. . .but no, I never made it to class.  Instead I ran down and got some candy and a pumpkin basket and drove home to spend Halloween handing out candy with my boyfriend.   So I put on a green boa and sat outside.  The first couple people that showed up nearly took all of my candy (yes I made the mistake of letting them get their own.  Rookies mistake)  but then they came back for more later!! and me. . .even though I identified that I recognized them, I still gave them a bit more. . .Mainly because I only had about 6 or 7 different groups of people come to the apartment.  Even though I live in the city I live right next to a university and all but about 3 or 4 houses on the block aren't frat houses :P So generally people don't bring their kids here.  But oh well.  That's not the worst part.  My boyfriend usually gets out of work at about 6 and gets home around 6:30.  Well I got home about 5:30 and immediately went outside to hand out candy. By 7:30 he still wasn't home.  I had planned to surprise him at home and was waiting for him. . .but he never showed up.  He doesn't have a cell phone for me to text him, but I knew that because he had expected me to be at school he went over to his bestfriend Alex's house.  So I drove over there close to 8:00 and brought them the rest of my candy.  My boyfriend and I spent the rest of the night together, even though my halloween plans didn't exactly go as planned :P

Friday, October 28, 2011


Mood: Thoughtful
Weather: Cold. . .It F**king snowed last night!!!

Okay think with me here:  I am a person, a human being, yes?  Are you?  I am a female, are you?  If not then you are probably a male, correct?  I have lived for 19 years, celebrated 19 birthdays.  I have a mother, a biological father, and a chosen (adopted) father.  I have an older step sister, a younger sister, and two younger brothers, though one of which I haven't seen since he was an infant (he is my biological fathers son).  I go to school.  I work.  I have a boyfriend.  I have friends.  I have hobbies.  I have emotions.  I have daily activities.  Sometimes I laugh.  Sometimes I cry.  Sometimes I fall in love.  I have pictures.  I have memories.  I have dreams.  I have values, and morals, and beliefs, and understandings, and ideals!  Do you?  We all may be different, and have different families, thoughts, feelings, reactions, ideals, morals, beliefs, etc.  But we all have families.  We all have a mother that gave birth to us, and a father that helped created us. . .even if they are no longer around or in our lives.  We have people we care about, and others that care about us.  We have memories.  We have dreams.  So what I will never understand is how one person could kill another.  I will never understand war.  How thousands of man can band together to go kill each other.  To kill another person.  Have you ever lost a person?  Do you know what it feels like to have someone ripped away from you?  I don't care who you are, those feelings are the same.  Think about if you lost your best friend?  Your brother?  Your sister?  Your wife?  Your boyfriend?  When we go to war and kill other people. . .who do you think we are taking away?  Someone's son.  Someone's friend.  Someone's lover.  Someone's parent.  Just like we are losing.  I don't know, I don't think I will ever understand the point. 

Thursday, October 27, 2011

All About Love

I'm only 19, I'll be 20 in January, but in the last few years I think I've learned quite a lot about love.  Love isn't butterflies.  Love isn't sex.  Love isn't love letters and flowers.  Love isn't diamonds.  Love isn't days, weeks, months, or years.  Love isn't whispers in your ears.  Love isn't holding hands.  Love isn't beautiful.  Love isn't kind.  Love isn't indestructible.  And for goodness sakes, love isn't happily ever after.  No no, love is waking up in the morning and kissing despite the god awful morning breath.  Love is waking up with hair in disarray and make up smeared and lying to me that you still think I'm beautiful.  Love isn't compromise, its giving up because dammit you just don't want to argue about it anymore.  Love is driving each other up a wall to the point of wanting to murder each other, but going to bed in each others arms anyways.  Love is waking up and forgetting what it was you went to bed arguing about.  Love definitely hurts.  Love comes, and it goes. . .but love never dies.  Love is biting your tongue.  Love is doing it even though you don't want to.  Love is a commitment.  Love is a verb.  Love can often mean goodbye.  Love is the number one cause of tears in all 50 US states.  Love is tolerance.  Love can kill.  Love is selfless.  Love is jealousy.  Love is frustration.  Love is worry.  Love is stress.  Love is trust.  Love is sticking around, even after the fights, tears, tantrums, break downs, ups, and downs. . .because love is all we've got.  That's what I've learned about love.

Halloween 2011

Its ironic how halloween is my favorite holiday.  So many people have come and gone this time of year its a wonder how I can even be in the mindset to celebrate.  The one year anniversary of David's death was just the other day, and the four year anniversary of Jessie's death is fast approaching on the 6th.  I said goodbye to Chris, and hello to Tim this time of year as well.  I started work at Mercato's and withdrew from Oneonta. I got pneumonia and had my lung collapse two years ago about this time. . .same time I broke up with Chris and shortly after began my relationship with Tim.  Now I've just left the nursing program. . .and my way.  I've spent so many days in bed crying this time of year.  Despite it all, Halloween is my favorite type of year.  Perhaps its because a part of me is still just that morbid, or perhaps its the one day I can acceptably not be myself and escape.  Whatever the reason, halloween is on monday and dammit I still don't know what I want to be.  I suppose it doesn't really matter seeing as I have to work all weekend prior, and go to school the night of.  But I'm sure I'll dress up as something, even if I find it in my own closet.  Happy halloween, here's to hoping that this year. . .I won't be spending any more days in bed crying. . .just celebrating :)

Living With A Boy: CJ Part II

Mood: Just woke up
Weather: From what I can hear. . .rainy, probably cold too!

So CJ and I have a washer and dryer upstairs in our apartment building.  It costs a dollar a load (which people say thats cheap but I went all my life without ever having to pay for laundry so I hate this shit! lol).  CJ and I do laundry probably every week and a half, or when we realize we have no clothes :P This last time, I started the laundry and I noticed there was a new note on top of the dryer asking everyone to please check their pockets for pens and candy so it doesn't make a mess.  Well the last time we did laundry, CJ did the laundry and he left violin rosin and pens in his pockets which made the mess they were talking about.  So this time I made sure to check the pockets before I put the load in the laundry.  Well CJ finished the laundry and it turns out that one of CJ's million cargo pockets had a couple pens in them. . .These pens stained the dryer pretty bad, so when I went an dried the next load, a bunch of our clothes got ruined.  One of my favorite shirts included.  Not to mention laundry has been done for 2 days, and where do you think the majority of CJ's clothes still are?  Yup. . .still in the laundry basket on the floor.  I think we are going to do our laundry separately from now on, and our landlady called CJ and chastised him for it.  He's supposed to try to clean it, but apparently (so he says) she wasn't mad about it.  This boy is going to be the death of me lol.  Love you Sparky.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Journey To Me: Role Models

Mood: Really good actually :) 
Weather: Rainy and COOOOOLD

I have been thinking very very much about myself lately, not in an egotistical fashion but more about who I am and who I want to be.  Its really a big thing on my mind as I have said and I am determined to figure it out.  I was thinking that one thing a person needs to find out who they want to be is to have a role model.  I started to think. . .hmm. . .I don't have a role model, but I do.  I idolize my mother in many ways.  She is a great mother, wife, and friend, she has strong values and morals and she knows who she is and what she wants.  She works hard for her family and always strives to be better.  She always said that if I could find a man half as good as my dad I would be a lucky woman, well I think if I'm half the person she is I'm doing pretty good.  I also idolize my grandma Judy.  She isn't perfect, and we don't always see eye to eye but she is one of the most hard working people I know.  She sets goals and achieves them.  Her energy and drive amazes me.  She and my grandfather went from having nothing and pregnant at 18 to being quite well off because of their hard work, frugality, and self sufficiency.  But outside of family. . .I'm not sure I really have an idol or role model.  I'm not sure if you're supposed to or not.  I want to be a strong person.  I want to be driven.  I want to be kind.  I want to be honest.  I want to be a good mother one day.  I want to be a good wife, or currently, a good girlfriend.  I want to be a good friend.  And most of all, I want to be happy. 

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Journey to Me

I recently discovered that I don't know what I want to be, who I want to be, or even who I am.  So I made that my mission, to find out all of those things.  But where to start?  Well I took a few online tests, they all told me I should be either a counselor or work in business. . .well I decided I didn't want to be in school until I'm in my 30's working on my doctorate, but business has been a possibility for a while now.  I also started making some goals for myself, such as: transfer to SCCC, get my associates degree, get a better job, etc.  If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to comment. . .at this point I need all the help I can get!

College: Nursing Program Part II

Mood: Pretty damn ticked off
Weather: Cloudy, windy, cool

So yesterday afternoon I got a phone call at home from one of my nursing instructors.  On the first test, if anyone scored below an 80 they had to come in either individually or in a group for remediation, which I did.  In doing so you were supposed to create a plan of things you were going to do to improve for the next test, which I did.  But then she wanted us to either come in or email her to let her know if we were actually doing that.  I received the email but I had chosen not to respond yet, not knowing there was some sort of due date.  So she called me telling me that I failed to come in and ignored her emails.  She was exceptionally rude over the phone and ended the conversation by saying she was going to tell my other instructor that I failed to come in for remediation for the first test and then hung up on me. . .I find that extremely unprofessional, not to mention I wasn't aware I was still in high school where my instructors chase me down to make sure I'm studying and doing my work.  I thought once you were in college doing those things were up to you.  I'm paying for the class and its my grade so if I want to study, that's my choice. . .I don't need my instructor calling me at home with an attitude to see if I'm studying and then hang up on me. . .If she really had to call me out she could have sent it via email, she didn't need to call my phone, at home, to be rude and hang up on me. . .very unprofessional and uncalled for.  I live in Schenectady, I work, and I attend two other classes aside from nursing.  I practically live at the college as is and all of this mandatory remediation is ridiculous.  I think its wonderful that they offer the programs but making it mandatory isn't necessary.  I did appear for the remediation but I shouldn't have to keep checking in to let them know if I'm studying or not. . .as I said, this isn't high school and it is my responsibility to do it on my own.  I'm done ranting now.  

Monday, October 17, 2011

College: Nursing Program

Alright. . .here it goes: I've decided I don't want to be a nurse.  I am not continuing this program following this semester.  I am way to stressed out all the time to do this for two years, my body aches, I have headaches and I just feel sick all the time.  Not to mention that no matter how hard I try I can't seem to do well.  I have to have a minimum of a 78 overall in order to get into nursing II. . .I honestly don't even see that happening.  Which is heartbreaking because I've never been unable to do well in a class and I work harder at this than I have ever worked for anything else.  I can't handle the stress, I don't want to be a nurse, and I highly doubt I will pass.  Truth is, I don't really know who I am or what I want to be when I grow up.  I hate admitting that and it scares me.  I'm almost 20. . .time is going by so fast and I'm sitting here spinning in circles.  I think I'm going to transfer to SCCC next semester for either liberal arts or business and get a full-time, or almost full-time job.  *sigh*

The Costumer :)

Mood: So far so good, but I haven't had class yet :P
Weather: Cool, windy, cloudy

 So I got the job at the Costumer.  I'm working at the big corporate office where they do all of their shipments for shows, alteration, retail, and office work.  They're starting me out in wardrobe and they will move me around as needed.  They had me work at the Colonie Center store yesterday and I loved it.  I almost wish I could just stay there :P.  I saw several people I know there, which is strange because its about an hour from where I grew up and went to high school :P  I'm just glad for something different other than restaurant work.  Wish me luck :)