Jessie's 21st Birthday

I'm a little late posting about this, seeing as her birthday was on January 4th, but I didn't know what to say.  Cj, Cyndi, and I went to the cemetery, like I normally do, to celebrate her birthday.  We were only there a few minutes before another car pulled up behind us. . .and it was her mother.  I hadn't seen Lori since the funeral, and had only spoken to her maybe twice since.  It was awkward.  I was embarrassed.  There were so many things I wanted to say, but couldn't.  I didn't know what to say or do, so we just left.  I hugged her and said hello, but that was all I could really manage.  It was painful, though I'm not completely sure why.  Perhaps it just stirred up some old feelings.  I haven't posted about this yet because I still don't know what to say other than it was an awkward and painful experience that I wish I could go back and redo.
I can't believe Jessie would have been 21. . .in my memory she will always be 16.  I wish she was still here for us to celebrate our birthdays' together like we did when we were little.  I miss you Jess.  RIP. 1/4/91-11/06/07

4 Years. . .

Mood: Reminiscent 

Weather:  Chilly but otherwise a nice day :)

I can't believe its been 4 years.  November 6th, tomorrow, will be 4 years since the day Jessie died.  Its always been a hard day for me. . .and quite honestly probably always will be.  This day changed my life. . .and I will never be the same.  For those of you that don'e know, Jessica Canfield was my cousin.  She was almost exactly a year older than me and we were best friends.  We grew up together and November 6th, 2007 she was taken from me.  My cousin, her little sister, and Jessie's best friend all skipped school and were driving through the town of Florida. . .she over turned and then over corrected and hit a tractor trailer head on.  Her best friend broke her leg.  Her little sister, who was 11 at the time. . .was nearly cut in half by her seat belt and is now confined to a wheel chair because she is paralyzed from the waste down.  When I got that phone call that night. . .a part of me died, and an even bigger part of me died when I saw her laying in a box. . .motionless at the funeral 6 days later.  Tomorrow will be 4 years. . .4 years.  That's 1461 days.  She was like a sister to me and I miss her very much.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. . .and remember her.  I am going to the cemetery tomorrow, I go at least twice every year, on the anniversary and on her birthday.  I love you and miss you to death Jess.  I wish you were here with me. . .there is so much I want to tell you.  I want you to meet Jack, and CJ.  I want my best friend back.  RIP Jess <3