The One That Got Away - Katy Perry

**I had nothing to do with the making of this song or video**

What Do You Want - Jerrod Niemann (Again, I had nothing to do with the making of this video)

Why'd you call me today with nothing new to say?
You pretend it's just hello, but you know what it does to me to see your number on the phone.
Now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?
Are you tryin' to bring back the tears or just the memories?
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.
When we hang up it's almost like I'm losing you again.
Can't you see? What do you want, What do you want from me?

I get so tired of living like this.
I don't have the time, neither do my friends,
To stay up at night, to pull me through,
And to find the things to keep my mind off of you.

So, now tell me, what do you want? What do you want? What do you want from me?
Did you call to say you've found someone and I'm a used- to- be.
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.
If you've moved on why does it feel like I'm losing you again?
Can't you see? So what do you want? What do you want from me?

What do you want me to say?
That I'm content? That I'm on the fence? That I wish you would've stayed?
Oh baby what do you want, what do you want, what do you want from me?
To come here and make love tonight cause you're feelin' lonely.
You keep takin' me back, takin' me back where I've already been.
When we wake up and say goodbye it's like I'm losing you again.
Can't you see? So what do you want, what do you want from me?
What do you want, what do you want from me?

The Journey To Me: My Body Part II

Just to give you an idea of that video I was telling you about.  (I did not make this video, I found it on youtube)

The Journey To Me: My Body

Mood: Energized

Weather: Probably cold

Something that is very hard to talk about is my body.  I am very self conscious about my appearance to others and a lot of the time I don't feel beautiful because I don't like my body.  I have struggled with my weight all my life and honestly now I think that I felt embarrassed to be dieting and exercising. . .like it meant acknowledging I have a "problem."  But I guess I do.  Not to mention I have asthma so when I did finally decide to run, I couldn't breath after about 5 minutes, which embarrassed me even more.  I didn't make any new years resolutions really, just to make this the best year yet and to have a year worth living.  I've decided I don't want to do it in this body anymore.  So I've decided to start a diet and an exercise program, which are two of my least favorite words!  This morning I got up at 8 (On a Saturday!!!) and found a cardio video on netflix.  Its some Crunch: CardioSalsa video or something like that.  I started out with 10 crunches (wow its been a while) and then did 15 minutes of the video, which was basically me repeating the first 5 minutes 3 times because by that time I could no longer keep up with the synchronized steps.  Jesus, if you thought Latino's talked fast, you should see them salsa O.O  I think I'm going to try to do this every other day for a while and eventually do more and more time.  My goal is to drop 2 pants sizes, and once I do that I will buy myself a gym membership.  I don't want to buy the membership and never go again so this is sort of a way for me to prove to myself I'm serious.  Please wish me luck and I can use all the encouragement, prayers, and luck I can get!  

My Last Song For You (I hope) ADELE - SOMEONE LIKE YOU

Mood: Getting Better

Weather: Really nice today actually :) 

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday it was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over, yeah.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
"I'll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

Forget You - Cee Lo Green

Say Hello to Goodbye - Shontelle

Mood: Thoughtful

Weather:  Sunny 

Hey there stranger, how you bin'
Feels like i'm standing on the outside looking in
at the mess we left behind
And it's a long way to fall
I gave you everything I had
I gave it all
And then my heart was on the line

I can't hate you
any longer
I know i'm going to miss you
I'll forget it and let it go.

Say hello to goodbye, cuse its gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And i'll get by without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cuse, that was there and only then.

Say hello to goodbye
Say hello..

And this is how it has to be
Cuse' its a deadly combination, you and me
You know its undeniable
Even though we tried it all
We brought the worst out in each other
I recall
We can't act it anymore

What doesn't kill you
It makes you stronger
And though i'm going to miss you
I'll forget it and let you go

Say hello to good-bye
Its gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And i'll get by without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you

Cuse, that was there and only then.
Say hello to goodbye
Say hello..

And even though the tears will dry
I can't completely disconnect
Couldn't make the compromise
Didn't have a safety net

Say hello to goodbye
heeey ya ya

Say hello, goodbye

Say hello to good-bye
Its gone forever
No more try, you and I
Not now, not ever
And i'll get by without you
I'm not going back again
I'm not going to lie to you
Cuse, that was there and only then.

Say hello, to goodbye
Say hello, to goodbye
Say hello, hello
to goodbye.

The Truth

I want to be completely honest about something.  First I was completely honest with myself. . .now I want to share it.  Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend.  We were young and dumb, but I thought I knew it all.  I thought because I had more experience than him that I knew what I was doing, and it was my job to teach him.  I thought I understood relationships inside and out.  I thought I knew what it meant to be a a "good" girlfriend and/or boyfriend.  I was wrong.  I was very wrong.  Looking back I was a terrible girlfriend to him, and he was an amazing boyfriend.  At the time, I didn't see it.  I didn't realize how special and rare he was.  I also didn't realize how shitty of a girlfriend I was being and took advantage of him.  You never realize what you have until its gone, and its too late.  No one is perfect, but that is no justification.  I didn't open my eyes until it was too late. . .and then when we broke up I hurt him really bad.  I don't want to go into detail because that is something quite personal, but I did something to him to intentionally hurt him.  To this day I don't know why, and I feel so guilty, but I can't take it back.  I broke his heart in ways I can't even understand, and I was malicious about it.  I'm not that type of person now, and I wasn't then either.  I don't know why, or what came over me at the time, but all I can say is I regret it very much and I am very sorry.  Not only did I hurt someone that I love but I lost my bestfriend.  He remained my friend for a while even after I did what I did, but then one day he decided he was going to hate me for the rest of his life.  No apology will every fix what I did, and there is no way for me to show it. . .he won't let me and I can't really say that I blame him.  He will never see this blog, but its here.  I'm not posting it as another attempt at an apology, I'm posting it to say I didn't open my eyes.  I thought I knew it all. . .when I didn't.  I was an ass hole, a shitty girlfriend, I was selfish, and I lost probably the best person I ever had in my life. . .and I don't even know why I acted and did the things I did.  Pretty stupid huh?  Again, I'm not doing it as an apology, this is my advice to you. . .communicate with everyone you love, be honest with yourself and each other, live and love like each day is your last because you could lose them.  Tomorrow they could be gone for good, and they'll never really know how you actually felt.  They'll never know how sorry you really are.  They'll never know how much of an ass you feel like.  They'll never know the empty space in your heart and life that has grown now that they are gone and its all because you didn't do something as simple as show them how you really feel and make damn sure they know it.  If I could turn back time I would have done a lot of things differently, but I can't.  So please, take my advice and I'll try to do the same.  To live and love like today is my last, you don't get second chances...
And if you are reading this by some crazy chance, I am so sorry.  I was wrong in so many ways. 



-All by Myself by Eric Carmen (I did not make this video)

College: FMCC Edition Part III

Today I had my other 3 classes.  First I had Bar and Beverage Management.  The professor for this class is the only female professor that I have, but I really like her.  She is very bubbly and she seems very happy in her profession.  I'm excited for the class not only because its essentially bartending class, but because she seems like a very fun professor as well.  The next class I had was General Psychology and oh my goodness let me tell you about this professor.  First of all he was about 5 minutes late for the class.  He walks in and he is this short, slightly balding, hardcore hippie wearing a leather Harley Davidson like jacket, a beard, black jeans and circle shaped glasses.  He throws down his jacket and underneath he is wearing a black button up with the top few buttons undone exposing his chest hair.  Without saying much of anything he starts playing this youtube video:



His name is Marty Friedman. . .I don't know about you but when an older gentleman's name is Marty I immediately assume he is a hippie.  He seems pretty cool, but his voice is very monotone and I can see myself falling asleep in his class.  Then for my final class of the day, I had Anatomy and Physiology.  Its a 3 hour night class, luckily I have a very attractive professor who, as soon as I walked in the room said to me, "so what's your name pretty lady."  He looks and reminds me very much of Mr. Schoff <3 He is very interesting and kept my attention for the full 3 hour class.  Best part: The seats recline!! lol  Well, its been another good day at college :)

For You :) Owl City - Vanilla Twilight

The stars lean down to kiss you

And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight
When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

For Me. . .:) (Tonight - FM Static)

A video sent to me from someone very special.  I cry every time I watch it.  <3

Dedicated To My Bestfriends Gabby and Ashley!!! The Hangover- Three Best Friends Song

Sara Bareilles - King Of Anything (Dedicated To You)

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man
We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked
So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine
And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning
There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent
Swear you know best
But you expect me to jump up on board with you
And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction
But you’ll never see
You’re so busy making masks with my name on them in all caps
You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy
While I just hurt and hide
Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Who cares if you disagree?
You are not me
Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be?
Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe.

Soldiers Silent Night

There was a link to this video in a forum of a website I go on a lot. . .its very meaningful and made me cry for obvious reasons.  I thought I would share it with you because it has a great message.

Rejected Cartoons (I ♥ This Video!!)

R.I.P Patrick Swayze

Well I just heard the devistating news that Patrick Swayze died.  For those of you who know me, the movie Too Wong Foo Thanks for Everything Julie Newmar was the MAP Party BIBLE!!   I also loved him in Ghost and Dirty Dancing.  He was beyond sexy and truly a mans man.  He died at the age of 57 of pancreatic cancer.  He was an amazing actor, singer, and a songwriter and will be missed especially by all these ladies that loved him.  This is a tribute to him. 










This is honestly the best I could get for Dirty Dancing



RIP Patrick Swayze :(

Another Video I made ♥

Once again, I was bored, sad, and lonely because I'm home and Chris is in college so I used that hour and a half, which turned into 2 hours to make this. 

UFO's

Find more videos like this on Starseeds.Net





^ this is the first of 9 videos like this.  If you're interested go to youtube or google and type in fastwalkers. 

If anyone is interested in this sort of thing and wants to know more google quantum communications (really interesting stuff), UFO's, and once again check out the starseeds website that I have posted elsewhere.  Also http://www.theblackvault.com/ has some interesting stuff on there also.  The information is there, you just have to look.

Starseeds

This video is very true.  When I was little I loved astrology.  I had books and even a little telescope.  The stars, planets, and the universe itself intrigued me so much.  I never felt like I fit in completely here and I have always wondered what my true purpose was.  I found out later that my purpose is to help people and to guide them.  I'm here to guide people while the earth changes and moves into the 5th dimension.  I'm here to save lives.  My dreams have often come true and I do always see things in people that most others don't see.  I cannot hear other peoples thoughts however, but I think instead people can hear mine in a way.  I do believe that my little sister can hear thoughts. 






I don't believe that in 2012 the world is going to end completely, instead I believe the world is going to change. When the dinosaur "world" ended, the world didn't end, it changed.  I think something like that is going to happen.  I believe that many will die, but the smart and the strong will survive.  I don't know what is going to happen to me, perhaps I will go back to where I came from.  Perhaps I will die.  Perhaps I will stay here for whatever challenges are to come afterward.  I believe that not only am I a starseed, but I'm also an Indigo which is someone that is here to help and to guide the humans.  I've never been "normal" and I know why.  This doesn't mean that I don't believe in god and what not, I just don't believe in everything the bible teaches.  I believe there is a god, and a higher power, but I'll save that for another blog. 



This I found very interesting when someone from http://www.starseeds.net/ sent me a link to this video.  It gave me chills the entire time while watching it.  I don't know much about it, but I found it very interesting.  There are people and "things" here and elsewhere guiding earth in its transition into the next dimension.  We aren't the first to change, I actually think we may be one of the last ones to do so. 



There isn't much to say about this video, it more or less speaks for itself.  This video also gave me chills and made me tear up and I'm not totally sure why.  This is why I'm here.  How can anyone frown upon something that is so good?



Well I think thats it for now, I will probably add more videos and information on this later, but if you're interested or if you feel some what compelled to know more I have provided a link for starseeds in this blog and it is also located on the right hand side of my page just scroll down a little.  Also, if you have time google 2012, 11:11, niberu, starseeds, rainbow warriors, indigos, dark sea scrolls.  I'm still learning myself but everytime I read something new I feel like I've already known a lot of it.  Sometimes I don't believe certain things, like the last video I posted I believe there is some truth in it but idk. . .I didn't have the same reaction to that one as I did the others until the very end.