Thursday, December 17, 2009

It's a Boy!!!

Okay, so my siblings and I got an early christmas present, and it was of this precious little kitten.  It's a boy, and we haven't named him yet.  we are waiting about a week to name him, but I would love it if you guys would leave comments and offer suggestions.  He was born oct 28th, and he has green eyes.  the pictures make him look evil but he is such a lover! I think the pictures also make him look a bit bigger, he's actually really really small :D so what do you think??

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

If I. . .

If I could stand upon a cloud,
and dance with the moon
would the stars watch in awe
and hum a simple tune?

If I could paint the sky with love
and the water with passion,
would we fly or would we swim
in a romantic sort of fashion?

If the world ended now
and I was left alone,
would the moon still dance with me
or would I be on my own?


A book
a poem
a line
a word!
thats all I need
I start with a smile
the moon and stars
a crying child
or a dying tree
thats all I need
but I do not have the words
there are no stars in my sky.
In this moment. . .
I feel. . .everything
but at the same time. . .nothing
how do you start with you have no words, no images
and every emotion in the world?
How do I start something that hs so long ago stopped?
I need a word, a smile, a sky, a tree.
I am just the crying child
perhaps. . .
there is no start for me.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Just some poems I like


From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
~Edgar Allen Poe

What If I Say I Shall Not Wait

WHAT if I say I shall not wait?
What if I burst the fleshly gate
And pass, escaped, to thee?
What if I file this mortal off,
See where it hurt me,—that ’s enough,
And wade in liberty?
They cannot take us any more,—
Dungeons may call, and guns implore;
Unmeaning now, to me,
As laughter was an hour ago,
Or laces, or a travelling show,
Or who died yesterday!
~Emily Dickinson

Love Should Grow Up Like A Wild Iris In the Fields

Love should grow up like a wild iris in the fields,
unexpected, after a terrible storm, opening a purple
mouth to the rain, with not a thought to the future,
ignorant of the grass and the graveyard of leaves
around, forgetting its own beginning.
Love should grow like a wild iris
but does not.

Love more often is to be found in kitchens at the dinner hour,
tired out and hungry, lingers over tables in houses where
the walls record movements, while the cook is probably angry,
and the ingredients of the meal are budgeted, while
a child cries feed me now and her mother not quite
hysterical says over and over, wait just a bit, just a bit,
love should grow up in the fields like a wild iris
but never does
really startle anyone, was to be expected, was to be
predicted, is almost absurd, goes on from day to day, not quite
blindly, gets taken to the cleaners every fall, sings old
songs over and over, and falls on the same piece of rug that
never gets tacked down, gives up, wants to hide, is not
brave, knows too much, is not like an
iris growing wild but more like
staring into space
in the street
not quite sure
which door it was, annoyed about the sidewalk being
slippery, trying all the doors, thinking
if love wished the world to be well, it would be well.

Love should
grow up like a wild iris, but doesn't, it comes from
the midst of everything else, sees like the iris
of an eye, when the light is right,
feels in blindness and when there is nothing else is
tender, blinks, and opens
face up to the skies.

~ Susan Griffin ~

A Dream

In visions of the dark night
I have dreamed of joy departed-
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day
To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream- that holy dream,
While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam
A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro' storm and night,
So trembled from afar-
What could there be more purely bright
In Truth's day-star?
~Edgar Allen Poe

Dear Knight in Shining Armor,

Dear Knight In Shining Armor,
Why do you make me wait?  Why am I sitting here, and you there?  I need you next to me, beside me, part of me.  I need to feel your warmth, your body, your heartbeat.  I need to know that you love me and that I don't wait in vain.  Please don't make me wait anymore, close the distance between us.  Kiss my lips, let me taste you, your love, your lust, your passion.  Let me lay in your arms as well as your heart.  Let me feel your finger tips pressing on my body.  I want to trace lines over your entire body.  I want to watch you while you sleep.  Please don't make me wait any longer dreaming, fantasizing.  Make my dreams a reality.  Let me be everything you've ever wanted and more, and make you the happiest Knight of all.  Let me do that. . .that is all I ask.  I love you dear Knight, as I always have. 

I Can No Longer Write

I can no longer write
about the sun in the sky
the moon and the stars
the water in your eye.
There is no more darkness
and yet no more light
not in my head or on paper
I can no longer write.
No emotion or feeling
no pain nor love
no words come from my mouth
no sounds from up above.
It no longer comes to my hands
mouth, eyes, or ears
it doesn't come to me anymore
like in previous years.
Perhaps it is me
or maybe it was you
but I cannot write beautiful things
that come out of the blue. 
Instead my hands and mind argue
how they yell and they fight
about the nothingness that comes
I can no longer write.


When it pours all over the world,
I'm there to catch the drops.
I rock away the thunderous cries
and the fits of lightening.
I rub until the clouds disappear
until it is once again silent.

But when my rain clouds burst,
the world runs away.
I'm left alone to my shaking thunder
while my clouds hang low.
Then hold myself until I drift away,
another storm for the world tomorrow holds.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


This is similar to the tattoo i want.  I want an all blue star with white and black angel wings on my ankle.  I don't want the halo though.  What do you think??

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Soldiers Silent Night

There was a link to this video in a forum of a website I go on a lot. . .its very meaningful and made me cry for obvious reasons.  I thought I would share it with you because it has a great message.

Oh How The World Might Be

So I had to write this play for AP English. . .and the day before I wrote it I still had no ideas, but once I started I couldn't stop.  I am really impressed with it so I decided to post it on here.  I hope you guys like it and I would appreciate comments and critiques!!!


Olivia- lead character, age 16-17

Debbie- Olivia’s mother

James- Olivia’s father

Nikki- Olivia’s younger sister

Drew- Olivia’s younger brother

Mr. Wright- Olivia’s basketball coach

Mrs. Parfait- Olivia’s English teacher

Mr. Stalwart – Olivia’s boss

Amy- Olivia’s best friend, she is around the same age as Olivia

Devon- Olivia’s boyfriend

Act 1

Scene 1

The scene opens to Olivia’s family living room. There is a couch up stage center with a coffee table near by. The front door is stage left, and the door that leads anywhere else in the house is stage right.

Olivia-(enters from stage left in a huff, she drops her bags on the floor and rushes to the couch. She lies down and puts her hands on her face.) Ugh!

Debbie-(enters from stage right with a laundry basket in her hands overfilled with clothes.) Oh good, you’re home. How was school today?

Olivia sits up on the couch with her hands on her head to portray her stress. Then both Olivia and Debbie freeze on stage and the stage goes black. Mr. Wright, Mrs. Parfait, Mr. Stalwart, and Amy enter in the dark. Mr. Wright stands down stage left, Mrs. Parfait stands down stage left of center, Devon stands down stage center, Mr. Stalwart stands stage down stage right of center, and Amy stands down stage right. They stand in the dark until the spot light only shines on Mr. Wright.

Mr. Wright- Olivia, you need to be practicing more outside of school. I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately. You’re not playing hard enough and you’re not focused. You’re on varsity, you need to live up to that or I’m going to have to take you off the team. You understand that don’t you?

The spot light goes out and then shines on Mrs. Parfait.

Mrs. Parfait- Olivia, where is your homework? This is the third time in the last 2 weeks that you haven’t had your homework and haven’t been prepared for class. You’re in AP, this is a college level class. We are trying to prepare you for college; you can’t do this sort of thing there. What’s going on with you? You have another 2 essays to do tonight, and you still have 4 other essays to make up from earlier this week.

The spot light goes out and then shines on Devon.

Devon- Listen Olivia, I don’t think we can keep going out. You’re just too busy for me and I’m feeling really neglected. You’ve been so distant lately; I don’t even feel like we’re dating anymore. So, I’m sorry, it’s over. I want to tell you myself about something else too, so it doesn’t shock you later. . .I’m seeing someone else.

The spot light goes out and then shines on Mr. Stalwart

Mr. Stalwart- (angry) Olivia, do you see what time it is? You are fifteen minutes late again! This has to stop! Do you understand that other people can’t leave until you show up? Ugh, listen, I have 3 people going on vacation next week so I’m going to need you to work every day after school and your normal hours on the weekend. You better be on time!

The spot light goes out and then shines on Amy

Amy- So listen, I really need your help with my math homework this week. Oh, and have I told you about me and Jason? Yeah, we broke up last night. Ugh, I am so stressed out about it. I thought he was the one, you know I really did. We were so perfect. He keeps accusing me of cheating, it just broke my heart. I’m so glad that I have you here to talk to, you’re the best. So about my math homework, do you think you can come over tonight so we can work on it?

The spot light goes out, Mr. Wright, Mrs. Parfait, Devon, Mr. Stalwart, and Amy walk off the stage and the lights come back up. Debbie and Olivia unfreeze.

Olivia-(she sighs) It was fine mom.

Debbie- That’s good. I really need your help. Could you finish up the laundry and fold it? And I could really use your help with dinner after that.

Olivia-(without emotion) Yeah, sure mom.


Scene 2

The scene opens to Olivia sitting in the living room on the couch. She has piles of homework in front of her, and the clock behind the couch reads 11:00 P.M. The couch is moved to stage right and it appears to be cut in half. Amy is sitting on a chair on stage left painting her nails. The girls are on the phone with each other.

Olivia- I don’t know what to do Amy, I am just so overwhelmed with everything. With work, homework, basketball, school, Devon breaking up with me, stuff at home. It’s awful! I can’t handle it, but I don’t have a choice. It’s not like I can stop going to school or work. What do I do Amy; I’m like going to have a nervous break down or something?

Amy- Oh, I know what you mean girl. I mean, I don’t have as much stuff going on as you, but I get overwhelmed with the stuff I have to do. Sometimes life just sucks. Can you believe that Jason and I broke up? I am still in shock.

Olivia- Yeah, well Devon left me too, and then told me that he was already seeing someone else. I hate guys sometimes. I hate life right now. I wish I could just drop everything and get away. What do you do when you get overwhelmed? I need help Amy.

Amy- Haha, I usually get a beer and just chill. Jason would usually smoke pot or something stupid like that. That stuff is horrible for you and smells awful. I would just drink a beer or some vodka and after a while, it would all be good.

Olivia- Yeah, not happening. My mom would kill me if she caught me drinking. Any other suggestions?

Amy- I don’t know what to tell you Olivia. Why don’t you go out with me tomorrow night and I’ll get you drunk. It will be fine and your mother will never find out. I promise you will feel better. You just feel so happy when you’re drinking.

Olivia- I don’t think so Amy. I had better go; I have so much homework to do tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Amy- Alright girly, have fun. Don’t forget to meet me at my locker tomorrow morning.


Scene 3

The scene opens to Olivia’s family living room. The couch is up stage center in its original position. The piles of homework are still all over the coffee table and Olivia is asleep on the couch. There is a bottle of what appears to be some form of alcohol on top of one of the piles of homework and it is almost empty. Nikki and Drew enter from stage right. They are all ready for school and wearing their backpacks.

Nikki- Is Olivia sick? Is she not going to school today?

Drew- I don’t know. Maybe we should wake her up.

They both walk over to Olivia and Drew shakes her to wake her up.

Drew- Olivia, wake up. Are you going to school today? We have to leave in 5 minutes or we’re going to be late.

Olivia- (Still pretty much asleep and very out of it. It is noticeable that she has a hangover) Ughhh. Shhhh. What time is it? (She doesn’t move)

Nikki- Its 7:30. Are you okay Olivia? You look pale.

Olivia- (she starts to get up) I don’t know. I’m not feeling very well. I think I’m going to throw up and my head is killing me. (She remembers the bottle, grabs it, and hides it behind her back. Nikki and Drew don’t seem to notice.)

Drew- Maybe you should stay home. I’ll call mom and tell her.

Olivia- No! No, Drew. I’m fine. I’ll go to school. Let me go get ready. You guys take the bus today alright? I’ll drive myself that way if I’m late you guys won’t be.

Nikki- Are you sure? If you’re sick you really should stay home. You don’t look good at all. Mom wouldn’t mind if you stayed home.

Olivia- No. I have to go. Just go get on the bus. I’ll see you guys later.

Nikki and Drew give up trying and exit stage Left. Olivia starts massaging her head to try to ease her headache. She then grabs her mouth and stomach as if she is going to be sick and runs off stage right.


Scene 4

The scene opens to Amy and Olivia standing in front of a set of lockers. A few other students are standing around talking as well.

Amy- So Jason tried texting me this morning. What is his issue? He breaks up with me yesterday and then begs for me to come back to him this morning. That boy needs to make up his mind. But of course I took him back. He’s just too cute to say no to, and I swear I’m going to be with him for like . . . ever. (She finally looks up at Olivia who is still very pale, her hair is a mess, and her make up is smeared) Wow . . . you look awful. Are you okay? Did you sleep last night? Are you sick?

Olivia- Something like that.

Amy- What do you mean? Are you okay? Talk to me!

Olivia- (She sighs) I listened to your advice last night. I drank almost an entire bottle of. . .I’m not even sure what it was. It tasted awful at first, but after a while I couldn’t stop and then I just passed out. I woke up this morning feeling awful. I still feel awful. Amy, I thought you said I would feel better? I feel worse!

Amy- You have a hang over Olivia. It happens when you drink too much. Just drink a lot of water and you’ll be fine. You don’t feel great now, but didn’t you feel good last night? Didn’t you feel relieved?

Olivia- Well . . . I’m not sure I remember. All I know is I didn’t finish my homework so I’m in big trouble.

Amy- Haha, you’re so funny sometimes. So do you want to go out tonight? I’m sure I could hook you up with one of Jason’s friends.

Olivia- I don’t think so Amy. I don’t ever want to drink again, after today I am never touching another drop of alcohol. Ugh.

Amy- I promise you get used to it, and it’s not so bad after a while. But I understand that you’re busy. But really girl, I think you should go take a look at yourself in the bathroom. Did you even look at yourself this morning? You’re a mess!

Olivia- I was in such a rush I didn’t have time really. Not to mention the light hurts my head even more!

Amy- (Randomly) Why don’t we cut school today?

Olivia- WHAT?

Amy- Yeah, we could both use a break. Why don’t we just go hang out some where? It would give you time to finish your homework and get over your hangover. You really need a day off.

Olivia- Do you know how much trouble we could get it? Besides, if I miss a day of school to do my homework, I will have even more homework by not being here. Since when do you skip school anyways?

Amy- Well I’ve never actually done it before, but I think we deserve it. It could be fun and who else would I want to spend my day off with than my best friend!

Olivia- Oh, I don’t know Amy. . .

Amy- Come on, you know you want to. Heck, you know you need it!

Olivia- Alright, but just this once. This is the first and only time okay?

Amy- Yes! Okay, definitely. Let me just call Jason to see if he wants to come along. Maybe he’ll bring one of his friends. (she puts her cell phone to her ear and starts talking to Jason) Hey baby, I was just wondering. . .

Olivia- . . . but I thought . . . oh never mind. (She sighs)

Amy- Okay great, we’ll meet you out by my car. Love you Pooky, kiss kiss.


Scene 5

The scene opens to Olivia’s family living room. It is dimly lit to show that it is late at night and the clock reads 11:00 P.M. Olivia enters from stage left tip toeing in and trying to be as quiet as possible. She closes the door quietly and as she does that the lights come up to show that her mother has turned on the light. Debbie comes in and stands center stage. She is very upset and is wearing a long bathrobe. Olivia looks at her mother and knows she is in trouble.

Debbie- Where in the world have you been?

Olivia- (slurring her words and acting very drunk) Out with Amy.

Debbie- Why didn’t you call? You know your coach called me. He is very upset and may kick you off the team for missing practice. You didn’t tell me how much trouble you have been having with basketball. Where were you all night? I was worried sick! I was almost ready to call the cops!

Olivia- I was out with Amy mom, I’m fine. I’m gonna. . .I’m gonna go to bed now. G’night.

Debbie- Not so fast. What is going on with you? (Walks up to Olivia) You don’t look so good, are you feeling alright?

Olivia- Yeah mommy, I’m fine. I’m sleepy. I’m gonna go to sleep now.

Debbie- Why do I smell alcohol on your breath? Have you been drinking?

Olivia- Never! No, I’m not drinking at all!

Debbie- Oh my god, Olivia you’re drunk! What is the matter with you? Where have you been all night?

Nikki and Drew enter from stage Right

Nikki- What’s going on? Why were you yelling mommy? Is everything alright?

Debbie- Everything is fine Nikki, just go back up to bed. You both have school in the morning.

Drew- Is Olivia sick? She didn’t look so good this morning. She said her head hurt and she felt like she was going to throw up.

Debbie- What? Olivia, were you hung over this morning? What is going on here? I demand that you tell me right now!

Olivia- Nothing is going on. I’m just tired. You’re not listening. I’m not sick, I’m perfect! I’m absolutely perfect mom! (she begins to laugh hysterically)

Nikki- Mommy, what’s wrong with Olivia? Why is she acting funny?

Debbie- Nikki, Drew, go upstairs. I have to talk to Olivia. Go to bed.

Nikki and Drew look at each other with looks of concern and then turn and exit stage Right.

Olivia- Mom, I don’t feel. . .so good.

Debbie- What the hell were you thinking? Going out drinking on a school night? Coming home drunk? What has come over you? I don’t even know what to say or do.

Olivia- I think I’m going to be sick.

Debbie- You’re so grounded! You will not be going anywhere except for school, work, and practice. Do you understand me? And you will be bringing your brother and sister to school everyday from now on. There will be no cell phone and no seeing Amy for a while. I just don’t even know what to do with you. I am so disappointed Olivia.

Olivia- Mom! (Olivia runs off stage right covering her mouth and stomach. Debbie is seen holding her head in defeat and then all you hear from off stage is a loud Blegh!)


Scene 6

The scene opens to Olivia’s family living room. Olivia is sitting on the couch crying. The pile of homework is back on top of the table. The clock behind the couch reads 7:00 A.M.

Olivia- I don’t know what to do! I can’t handle this anymore. Nothing is getting better at all. This is only getting worse. Think Olivia, think! How stupid can you be? I am so stupid! How could I do this to myself? How could I do this to my mother? What am I doing! (She sobs) Okay, pull it together Olivia. How can I fix this? What do I do? (She sobs) Okay. I’ll quit the basketball team! No. . . I can’t do that. They need me. I need basketball for college. I could quit my job! No. . .I can’t do that either. I need the money for my car and they need me there too. I can’t let them down like this. Well I can’t quit school. (She picks up a bottle of alcohol that was on the floor and takes a big sip. Then looks at the bottle.) Why am I drinking this? Why am I doing this to myself? Alcohol has only made everything worse! Okay, that I can do. This is the last time I am going to drink. THE LAST TIME! Then I will really focus. Basketball season is almost finished. I can do this. I can do this. I just need to take a step back and focus. (She looks at the bottle) The very last time! Olivia, you can do this. It’s going to be alright. (She chugs down the rest of the bottle.)

Nikki and Drew enter from stage right all ready for school again.

Nikki- Are you ready Olivia?

Drew- Are you alright? Have you been crying?

Olivia- (She wipes her eyes and hides the bottle in the couch) Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go guys.

Debbie enters from stage right.

Debbie- (To Olivia) Good, you’re up. Remember, come right home after school.

Olivia- I will mom.

Nikki, Drew, and Olivia exit stage left. Olivia had left her backpack on the floor by the coffee table and Debbie notices it and picks it up.

Debbie- (Walking off stage left yelling) Olivia! Wait! You Left your backpack!

A car crash is heard.

Debbie- (Yelling, and in hysterics) No! Olivia! No!


Scene 7

The scene opens to Debbie, James, Amy, Mr. Stalwart, Mr. Write, Mrs. Parfait, and Devon all standing around a coffin. They are all wearing a black for the funeral. They are all crying.

Amy- (To Debbie and James) I am so sorry. This is all my fault. None of this would have happened if it weren’t for me.

Debbie- It’s not your fault Amy. No one caused this, and no one could have stopped this (She sobs)

James- Why didn’t you tell me what was going on Debbie? I’m their father! You should have called me as soon as you found out she was drinking. Maybe I could have done something.

Debbie- I’m sorry! Okay! I didn’t know how bad it was. I didn’t know what to think. This is all my fault okay? Our baby. . .our children. . .I didn’t do enough. I’m a horrible mother. (She sobs)

James- How are Nikki and Drew?

Debbie- Not good. They’re both in a coma and the doctor said they may never wake up, and if they do they will both have severe brain damage. What am I supposed to do James? All my kids are . . . what do I do?

Amy, who has been listening to the conversation, runs off stage left.

James- I don’t know Debbie. I don’t know. (He sighs) It’s going to be alright. We’ll get through this. Nikki and Drew are going to make it. It’s going to be alright. (He hugs her.)

Debbie- (She walks up closer to the coffin and puts her hand on it) I love you Olivia. I’m sorry that I didn’t see what was going on. I’m so sorry. I’m going to miss you baby girl. We all will. I love you. (She sobs.)

Everyone walks off stage right and the lights dim. The spot light is left on the coffin.