Thursday, December 2, 2010

Let Go

What if I've given up?  What if I don't really care anymore. What if I'm not really there anymore?  Maybe I'm just an empty shell. . .maybe I've been sucked dry of life.  Maybe there is nothing for me over the rainbow and I'm just wasting space by waiting and hoping that its all going to get better. Every question could be answered at the cost of just one breath.  I'm holding on by a thread. . .maybe I should let go and just see what happens.  Just close my eyes and let go. . .

The Waters

The waters are dark. 
You can't see into it. 
Its cold. 
But I wish to swim. 
I stick my toe in,
its like a shock.
How shall I descend?
Tip toe in? Inch by inch?
Do I slip into the water gracefully?
Or Do I jump right in?
Waters hold me. . .embrace me. 
I wish to swim. 
I wish to plunge and explore your depths.
Let me enter you, let me swim.


So lately I've heard that there is a rumor going around about me that I got kicked out of college for marijuana and that is why I'm back home.  I just want to let all of you know that that is no wheres near true.  First of all I was not kicked out of school, I took a personal leave of absense.  Second of all I was never caught with drugs or got in any trouble while I was in school.  Third of all I was going to a SUNY School called STONEONTA. . .I don't think anyone has gotten kicked out of a state school for marijuna unless they're growing it in the school or large scale distribution.  But I was not.  I actually left school because I didn't like all the immature high school kids with new found freedom partying all the time and being stupid about it.  Academically I had straight A's.  So don't believe that shit because its not true by any means. 


So a couple weeks ago I went to the eye doctor.  I hadn't been there in 3 years and I had had the wrong perscription since day one :P The first thing they did was test the pressure in my eyes.  The woman did it three times because she thougtht she was getting the wrong reading, when I asked her what was wrong she said it was high.  I asked her if that was glaucoma, she said high pressure could be caused by a lot of things, but yes.  I told her that my mother has glaucoma, and she immediately looked worried and told me that isn't good and to definately tell the doctor that.  I went through the eye exam and figured out my eyes had improved quite a bit since my last visit 3 years ago.  He said it could be because my brain grew and such. . .maybe it was just because we got the wrong numbers last time, but I have a new perscription coming.  I asked him about the pressure thing and reminded him that my mother has glaucoma and he told me that next year, if my pressure is still high they will do more tests.  :-/ I'm not really stressing about it because I have a year before I know and I know stressing isn't going to make anything better, but the doctor said that its very rare for someone my age to have glaucoma and I wonder if I'm going to go blind earlier or have it worse because I'm so young. . .THANKS MOM For those of you that don't know, glaucoma is an eye disease that leads to loss of perripheral vision and then blindness.  On the upside-in a few states you can get medicinal marijuana.  :P