Wednesday, June 2, 2010

My Essay

I wrote an essay today for a scholarship.  The assignment was to write about an experience that impacted your life.  I, of course, wrote about my cousin.  I really liked the essay that I wrote.  I started by saying that every day is filled with experiences that impact our lives forever no matter how small or unnoticable.  Then I talked about my relationship with my cousin and how we were more like sisters.  In the car she had an accident in there was a picture and on the back it was made out ot me.  It was found after she was dead and her grandmother mailed it to me.  On the back she told me she loved me and always would and she considered me a sister.  That picture is very important to me.  I didn't talk about that in my essay but I just thought about it and thought I would share it with you.  Then, in the essay, I talked about the accident and how it affected me.  I said I would never forget the phone call, the pain, and the funeral, but I said my story has a happy ending.  I learned a lot from that experience and I've gained so much.  As a result I am a safer driver and think a little bit more about my decisions and how everything I do affects the people around me.  I had to cope with her death and that helped me to grow and I will be able to help other people in similar situations a lot better.  Her death is also what is driving me to become a psychologist so I can help people like her, or people like me.  I also said that if there is anything I want to get out of this life. . .I want to save just one person because, in my mind, saving one person is helping to save the world.  I would do anything to go back and change what happened that day and save my cousin, but because I can't I deal with the cards I'm dealt and TRY to make the best out of it. 


Well I have my surgery in a week from tomorrow.  Am I scared?  yes.  I'm not so much scared about the surgery itself. . .well I am because my brain could leak, I could lose my vision, my eye could push out. . .etc, but I'm more scared about the pain that I'm going to be in afterward.  I'm scared because I really don't know how much pain I'm going to be in. . .is there going to be a lot of blood?  Bruising?  I'm not looking forward to that at all.  I know its supposed to make a lot of things better, like I won't get migrains anymore, and I won't have 6 sinus infections a year, and I'll be able to breath better. . .but I'm still scared.  I'm also not looking forward to be in bed for 10 days with straws up my nose.  I hope I'm all good and back to normal come time for graduation.  Ughhh. . .wish me luck and come visit me when I'm all blahhh

I'll Be There

I want you to know that I'm here.  You can put me away, and hide me in the floor boards if you want.  Or keep me in a secret drawer.  You can bury me beside the old willow tree, or just keep me in your pocket.  But I want you to know when you decide to look for me again, or you feel that you need me, I will be right where you left me.  I may not be the same.  The earth may have changed me, but I will always be there, and I know I will always want to listen.  No, I don't like being pushed aside, but I take it.  I take all the beatings I'm dealt and keep moving.  Why?  Hell if I know.  But I do. . .and regardless I will be here ready and waiting for when you need me, even if you've caused nothing but pain for me.  I will be there.  Comfortable like an old blanket or reliable like a memory.  I'm always there.