Tuesday, July 27, 2010

College Orientation

Okay, so I just got back from college orientation. . .and I had soo much fun.  I met so a lot of really cool people and I can't wait for college to start.  I'm feeling a lot more at ease and confident about it now.  
So this goes out to Jake, Maddie, Elana, Audrey, and Kaity because you guys rock and I can't wait to hang out again once college starts.  It was great, and I registered my classes.  I'm taking:
Intro to psyche
Intro to philosophy
Math for the Liberal Arts
Theatre appreciation
Western Civilizations I
My earliest class is at 12pm :) and my latest ends at 5:15.  On fridays, I'm done at 1:50.  I love my schedule.  All in all, it was a great time and I can't wait to move in August 22.

P.S Tomorrow morning I am leaving for Georgia and I will be gone for 2 and a half weeks.  My grandmother DOES NOT have internet, which totally sucks but I think I'm going to be pretty busy anyways.  So I will not be posting any blogs, checking facebook, email, or anything like that.  If you need to contact me, I will have my cell phone so if you know the number. . .if not. . .sorry :)  Love you guys, and I'll update you with news and pictures when I get back August 15th. 

Sunday, July 25, 2010

What I learned. . .

So in the last few weeks I have been keeping myself extremely busy and I have learned a lot.  I feel like knowledge should always be shared so I'm going to share what I have learned with you guys. 

~Old people really like fast food for some reason.
~Acrylic nails. . .ya they're really flamable (learned this one the hard way)
~If you find one spider, there are usually more.
~How to spell surprise (okay that one I learned a couple months ago but I still learned it)
~The LG Neon SUCKS!!!!!! don't buy it!
~I'm really good at beer pong. . .except when I'm already gone.
~Apparently I learned how to play ass hole, but I don't remember anymore (Thanks Kaylea and Matt)
~Cats are attracted to flip flops :)
~Running naked in the rain is very refreshing on a 96 degree day.
~Paper clips are very useful.
~Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey is a real thing and should be taken seriously
~Santa is. . .or once was a stripper. . .
~Snake heads. . .very scary.  google them. 
~Burning Lavendar candles makes the bad spirits go away.
~Gerard Butler's abs were sprayed on for 300, this upsets me.
~There is only 1 Golden Girl left and thats Betty White!  I thought Rue was still alive.
~Be careful who and when you let someone cut your hair
~Walking through cemetaries at night is fun (banjos??)
~If you tip a cow, it could die.
~There are spiders with wings!!!
~Small Children think flies are deadly
~When being tested for TB if it bubbles and itches that means you HAVE TB. . .not the other way around :)

I'm sure there is a lot more but I will end it all there.  I learned quite a lot of valuable information in the last few weeks and a lot of it is thanks to Kaylea and Matt.  :) 

Friday, July 23, 2010


So I got a request to write a lil bit about the new boyfriend.  I don't really like to write blogs specifically for the person I'm dating until we've been together for a while because I feel like it will jynx it. . .but I'll share with y'all a little bit.  Lets see. . .his name is Matt and on occasion I like to call him mattibear :)  I don't know how much information he wants included in my blog but I will tell you he is very tall (6'4''), muchly attractive, extremely funny. . .and well. . .unique.  He loves sports, his favorite color is yellow, and he isn't a fan of technology.  Oh, and he is addicted to going to the casino lol.  He doesn't lie, he hates liars, and most importantly he treats me really well.  He's a good guy :)  As I said before, I don't know how much information he wants me to put in my blog. . .but there is just a little bit for ya. 


Its nights like this when I'm all alone in bed and I let my mind fade into the abyss.  I think about everything all at once. . .and I cry.  I cry about my knight in shining armor, my creature of the night, Jessica, my dad (the real one), and yeah. . .I still freaking cry about Chris.  Yes, I'm a hormonal girl that will lay in bed and start crying because of my own damn thoughts.  I think I do it because I hold it in and keep moving everyday like I'm happy as a clown, and then let it all out when I'm alone.  Isn't that what you're supposed to do though?  Isn't that the right thing to do?  I feel if I showed how much things affected me, and cried every time I felt the need to I would just be bringing other people down and causing issues that don't need to be caused.  I'm not really a depressed person anymore, and its not like I'm faking smiles on a daily basis and just going through the motions anymore.  I am sincerely happy. . .but that doesn't mean that things don't still hurt.  I think that by doing it now when I'm all alone in my room. . .i'm letting out without bringing anyone down with me.  In a few weeks. . .I won't have that opportunity any more.  I'm going to be in an itty bitty dorm room with one other girl. . .I will never be alone again.  Does my crying here at night fix anything?  No. . .if anything it just helps me to breath easier. . .sometimes, I think people just need to cry. 

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Grad Party

Well my grad party was a blast.  Thanks to everyone that came!!  I loved seeing people. . .and hugging people I don't really know haha.  So my ex boyfriend Chris's parents were the djs and it was so awesome seeing them.  I almost forgot how much I love that family.  After everyone left I was just there dancing with his parents and step brother for like an hour.  When I first saw them. . .it hurt.  I know that its been almost a year and I should stop being pathedic and stop feeling guilty. . .but its hard.  I have a boyfriend now who is amazing and so far its been great but its still hard to forget what I had with Chris.  Not only did I love him, but I loved his family.  I was a part of his and he was a part of mine.  Its been quite a while since I've seen his family and after I got past the hurt part, it was really awesome spending time with them.  They invited me up to the house before I go to college and I don't have to worry about seeing Chris because he is living with his aunt in queensbury for the summer.  I probably won't go because I will feel weird but I wish I could.  I love that whole family so much.  I miss seeing them regularly.  And ya, I miss Chris too. I've given up trying to talk to him after he blocked me for the 100th time.  I'm forcing myself to let go and just forget about it.  I know that I have something good now, but what Chris and I had once upon a time was special and its hard.  Hopefully I'll have something just as good, if not better, than what I had with Chris so I can FINALLY move on and stop being such a freak.  We'll see. 

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Graduation Party

So I took a bunch of pix at my graduation party and because my boyfriend couldn't make it I told him I would take pix so that it was as if he was there.  So here ya go :)
So you pull up and this is the first thing you see
This is the Fort where I had my party. 
If you come in the door and look to your left there are a bunch of pix of me from the time I was a baby to now. . .ugh lol
Then if you continue going straight and look up, this is what you see. 
Then you descend a few steps and go to the left and this is where it brings you. 
On the wall is this poster. 
And here are my wonderful djs.  This is my ex boyfriends dad, step mom, and step brother.  On the left is Mike (step brother), middle is Karen, and on the right is Mike (dad).  I love and miss them to death and they were awesome at the party as always. 
Then when you go down stairs you end up in the dining hall. 
My little brother and sister.
My older sister Teanna and her boyfriend Alex
This is Gabe, but I like to call him Marco
My mom's bestfriend and her family
Some people my Mom works with (Wayne, Renee, Amy, and I don't remember the baby's name or the bald guys name lol)
My mom and her friends (Yvonne, mom, and Missy)
My cousin Carissa, Aunt Judy, Aunt Linda, and my cousin Melissa. 
My neighbors the Aldi's
Carissa and Melissa
Creighton, Melissa, and Carissa
This was the only picture taken at the after party and I think it sums it up quite well lol.  The after party was pretty crazy and I was. . .unable to take a lot of pictures lol.  All in all it was a blast and boyfriend I wish you had been there <3

Friday, July 16, 2010

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me - Mel Carter (another song that I like from one of my favorite movies)

Hold me, hold me

Never let me go until you've told me, told me
What I want to know and then just hold me, hold me
Make me tell you I'm in love with you

Thrill me (thrill me), thrill me (thrill me)
Walk me down the lane where shadows
Will be (will be) will be (will be)
Hiding lovers just the same as we'll be, we'll be
When you make me tell you I love you
They told me be sensible with your new love
Don't be fooled, thinking this is the last you'll find
But they never stood in the dark with you, love
When you take me in your arms
And drive me slowly out of my mind
Kiss me (kiss me), kiss me (kiss me)
And when you do, I'll know that you will
Miss me (miss me), miss me (miss me)
If we ever say, adieu
So kiss me, kiss me
Make me tell you I'm in love with you

(Kiss me) kiss me, (kiss me) kiss me
When you do, I'll know that you will
Miss me (miss me), miss me (miss me)
If we ever say, adieu
So kiss me, kiss me
Make me tell you I'm in love with you
(Hold me, thrill me)
Never, never, never let me go
(Never, never, never let me go)
(Hold me, thrill me)
Never, never, never let me go
(Never, never, never let me go)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I am The Body Beautiful - Salt N Pepa (I love this song from one of my favorite movies)

Aw yeah don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful
[And where is the body?]
Move over mutha cuz I'm going faster than you can drive
The body's beautiful baby
That's right I just can't help it (yeah)
It's not my fault I was born this way (I was born this way) 

Get with the B E A U T Y
Beauty the body is beautiful (Body beautiful)
Get with the B E A-U-T-Y
Beauty, the body is beautiful (I am body beautiful)

I'm up and coming, I am a child
I'm legendary, hey, I'm free and wild
I am the ocean, and I rule the world (the whole world)
I'm sensual, I am body beautiful (the body's beautiful)
My cha-cha pumps (hump-a-dooty), I've got them on (in a winnin' ticket)
And I work the runway (left-right-left-right-left), baby, all night long
I am the one (the only one), there is no other
I am mother, I am body beautiful
Lights, camera, action!
Satisfaction guaranteed, that's what I need
I celebrate the body and enjoy good health
And I gets down with my bad self
It's all good from the front to the back
Two snaps and a clap for a body like that
It's a good damn thing I don't care what you say
Somebody beautiful (I am body beautiful), hey, that's me

I am grand (grand diva), I am the queen (Queen Bee)
A masquerade (who am I?), I'm fantasy (you're a fantasy)
I am the house (the whole mansion) of elegance
Featuring, I am body beautiful (body beautiful)
Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful
Everybody's beautiful in their own special way (yes)
Carry yourself like a queen and you will attract a king
Beauty comes from within (yes)
Whatever the mind can conceive and believe
You will achieve (got to believe)
Do you believe (yes) that you are body beautiful?
Yes! Yes! Oooo, yes!

There ain't enough words to express how I feel
I'm body beautiful, true, that's for real
Am who I am and that's all I can be
Open up your mind so your eyes can see

Body beautiful, baby (Work that body)
Body beautiful, baby (Work it, work it)
Body beautiful, baby (Work that body)
Body beautiful that's me (word)

Then I'm-a tell ya like this, and I'm-a tell ya this way
My body's beautiful, that's all I'm sayin'
Bodies come in all different shapes and sizes
You're beautiful, too, just realize this
Can't you see the beauty in me?
Open up your heart and set your mind free
Everybody's beautiful in their own way
Express yourself every day
And when you got joy on the inside it shows on the out
Be confident and you're beautiful without a doubt
You're absolutely gorgeous, don't ya know?
So you got the body beautiful glow

Body beautiful, baby (Work that body)
Body beautiful, baby (Work it, work it)
Body beautiful, baby (Work that body)
Body beautiful (I am body beautiful) that's me (word)

The Walls part II

I kinda wanted to add to the last post I just made. . .I wanted to add some thoughts about it.  I honestly didn't realize that I had built a wall, not until yesterday.  I didn't realize that I was making it so I was incapable to really feel anything.  Before, I used to let myself feel everything. . .was it a bad thing?  Well as most of you know I went from one very long, beautiful, relationship to the second.  The first ended with me saying goodbye and regretting it with every essence of my being after, the second ended in my world crashing down.  After that. . .I didn't want to feel.  I dated without any intent of it going any where, which is something I never used to do and don't even feel right about doing, I got bored really fast with the different people I dated because I refused to let myself trust them or feel anything for them.  Thats not the type of person I am, and it wasn't until just a few days ago that I realized thats what I've been doing.  I'm one of the most sincere people in the world.  People always tell me that you should play hard to get with guys, and act as if you're not really interested because they want what they can't have.  Well, as a lot of you already know, I CAN'T DO THAT!!! It is seriously impossible.  Well. . .maybe not impossible because I guess thats pretty much what I've been doing for the last few months subconsciously.  A lot of the guys that I dated, if they liked me. . .I got scared and ran away.  In other cases, I refused to trust them.  But I'm the type of person that normally can't hide how I feel, and I'm an honest and sincere person so I will tell you.  People tell me thats the wrong way to be.  My mother tells me I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve like that because thats how I always get hurt.  I think, I would rather be sincere and be myself and have someone fall for me that way, then play head games like "hard to get."  Yesterday was when I really noticed how much of a wall I had built up and how I had been acting since Tim and I split up. . .I didn't like it.  I mean, I don't want to get hurt again, and I'm scared of letting someone in again.  So the wall is still there. . .but its coming down a grain of sand at a time.  Its hard to let someone in after all these months of keeping everyone out.  I've allowed myself to feel things lately. . .and its nice.  Its nice to like someone, and to begin to trust someone.  The walls are still up. . .but maybe, just maybe in a few months to a year they will come down and someone can get inside.  What they do to it is up to them. 

The Walls

The walls are falling down.  The walls that I built around my heart are crumbling to pieces.  The walls that I've been building up for the last 4 months are melting away. . .leaving me vulnerable.  With each passing day small pieces get chipped away. . .I feel it.  I built up the wall to keep out intruders, to keep my fragile heart safe.  I almost forgot what it felt like for someone to break down my walls.  No, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. . .No, I'm not sure if its a good thing. . .Yes, I'm scared.  But as I sit here and think about you. . .I will allow you to pick away the hard stone surrounding my heart.  The walls are so well built and so strong, it will take you a while to get inside.  I can't protect my heart forever. . .and eventually someone will have to get inside.  Maybe it will be you?  I'll let you try.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Being with you

Being with you, is like breathing. . .so simple, but so satisfying. 
Its like riding your bike for the second time, it just comes natural.
Being with you is like learning to walk, one step at a time.
We move slow like the tranquil current of a shallow stream,
but you make my heart beat fast like the wind in a hurricane.
Being with you, is like riding a rollercoaster,
you give me butterflies, and I hang on for the ride of my life.
Being with you, is like a good dream.
You never know what is going to happen, but when it does you're always surprised.
When you wake up in the morning. . .you have a smile on your face.
Being with you is like the best day of my life. . .over and over again :)


The situations I get myself into are all but not exciting lol.  As a lot of you know. . .I'm the type of person that won't listen to anyone when they try to tell me the outcome of a situation, no. . .I have to try it myself.  I have to live it, and learn it.  Well the present situation I am in. . .is just that.  I'm sure if most people knew, they would tell me its crazy and can only end in disaster. . .perhaps I even thought that of other people that might be in this situation, but honestly. . .I am so happy.  Its strange how things happen. . .you really can't judge a book by its cover.  I never thought I would be involved in anything like this. . .but now that I am, I am really happy and it seems as though this is exactly what I've been looking for.  Sure its unorthodox, but who cares?  I don't like it when everything in life needs to be set in stone, I like to do things my own way. . .life is more interesting that way. . .ya I probably get that from my father. . .but as long as i'm not hurting anyone else, what harm could be done?  Sorry to be so vague, perhaps in the future I will explain in more detail but as for now, just know that I'm happy and I think i found what I was looking for.

Friday, July 9, 2010

I am not. . .

No, i'm sorry. . .i'm not a chew toy.  You can't bite me to pieces and then spit me on the floor.  I'm not a rag doll, you can't play with me for a few minutes and then put me away in a box.  I'm not a sex toy that is just here for your entertainment.  I'm a person.  I'm made up of skin, blood, organs, a heart. . .a mind.  I cry when i'm hurt, and when I'm sad.  I laugh and smile when I'm happy.  It hurts when i'm treated like a chew toy, a rag doll, a sex toy.  Thats not what I am.  Ya i'm here to help you, i'll be there for you if you ever need me. . .but i'm a person that deserves respect and decency.  I deserve to be cared for, like a porcelain doll that will break if dropped. I deserve to be loved and respected like any other person in the world.  No, i'm not perfect, I make mistakes. . .and sure, sometimes I deserve to be put in my place. . .but once in a while. . . it would be nice to not be treated like shit.  It would be nice to know that people care about me. . .*sigh* okay, i'm done ranting.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

What did I do to deserve this?

What did I do to deserve this?  I go through life trying to help people on a daily basis.  I'm always nice, polite, and respectful to the people I meet and especially the guys I date. . .why am I the one that always gets used, hurt, and treated poorly?  I don't do anything to them. . .how is that fair?  Why do people feel like they can walk all over me and anything I have to offer is theirs for the taking?  Its not just a one time occasion either. . .its every freaking time. . .and its not fair.  I don't deserve that.  I deserve better than that.  I at least deserve a little respect. . .some kindness. . .decency.  Don't I?  Or is my kindness towards others all for nothing?  Haven't I dealt with enough?  Can't it just stop for a little while?  Please? 

Squished In Bed

I am laying in bed wearing my black and white bathing suit.  I'm talking to Tyler.  He says hello.  I'm telling him wayyyy too much.  Oh yes my friends and readers, I am very squished here in my bed.  I want you to know that I am very passionate about my blog, it means a lot to me.  I'm very sincere in it.  I like it when people read it and comment and such.  I've got that airplanes song stuck in my head "can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky were like shooting stars, I could really use a wish right now" ya. . .a wish right now would be pretty good

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

To My Friends

To Gabby:  I freaking love you!! BFFL!  I'm so glad we got so close this year and got to spend so much time together.  I know we are going to be close all through college and you can come visit me as much as you'd like.  I want you to know that you're freaking beautiful and I love you to death.  You have helped me out so much this year. . .you are one of the only people I feel like I can really talk to.  I'm so excited for all the memories we are going to make this summer and for the next few years.   Best of luck babe. 

To Cassie:  Its been a rough road this year, but we pulled through.  I hope you have a great summer and senior year.  Best of luck, stay in touch.

To Donjeta:  Girrrrrllllllllllllll lol what can I say. . .you're hawt!!  I'm so upset that you're spending your freaking summer in Cosavo (did I spell that right?) and missing all of our grad parties.  You had better come see me after you come back.  I love you to death and you are one of the few people that I know I will stay in contact with over the years.  I can't wait to come visit you at school and party in the city with you.  Know that I love you and I'm always here if you need anything.  Best of Luck.

To Ashley P:  hahaha, this year has been a blast with you!!!  Its been real yo and I'm sure we will get together a bunch when we are in college.  You, me, gabby, and matt. . .oh ya.  You're awesome girl, you've got a big heart and you're very strong.  I admire you in so many ways.  Keep it real, keep in touch, Best of Luck.

To Cecilia: I love your hair!!  You won't be too far away from me so I hope we get together and chill.  Its going to be fun.  I know you are going to do well so I won't waste my time wishing you luck because you don't need it.  Had tons of fun at your grad party (i won at stump. . .twice :))  Keep in touch.

To Matty:  Girrrrrrllllll lol jk :)  I'm going to miss you like hell, but I will come visit you and donjeta down there.  We will party. . .it will be great!!!!  I've been friends with you for sooooo freaking long, you are one of the people that I always kept in contact with and always hung out with.  Oh the memories.  Best of Luck

To Kelly:  You are brilliant and you are going to go far.  Never change.  I know that when we come back for our 10 year reunion you will be very successful, married, and rolling in the money :)  You're so funny and fun to be around.  Keep in touch, Best of Luck.

I know I'm forgetting like 10 million people so TO 10 MILLION PEOPLE:  Its been real!  Peace!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Breakeven by The Script (dedicated to you-know-who)

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even.

Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break, no it don't
break, no it don't break even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, It don't break even, no