Saturday, October 31, 2009

Thursday, October 22, 2009

I hate

I hate being heartbroken, crying for no reason, being lonely, when people are mad at me, getting hurt, when people die, being sick, being cold, rap, people that just don't care, rude people, rapists, child molestors, murderers, people that hurt others intentionally, being told to be quiet, being yelled at, bad days, bad hair days, bad haircuts, bad pictures, busy signals, red lights, dumb jokes, dumb movies, when my car won't start, liars, haters, posers, cheaters, icy roads, funerals, death, pain, agony, sadness, spinach, hot food, getting burned, getting soap in my eyes, getting water up my nose, being told no, headaches, i hate most of the same things that everyone else hates.

I love

I love roses, carnations, the moon, stars, an open sky, hearing the rain on the roof, watching thunderstorms on the porch, kissing in the rain and getting soaked, laying on your chest and hearing your heartbeat, feeling your warmth when I lay next to you, warm hugs, passionate kisses, making people laugh, seeing children smile, big families, music, opera, classical, rock, metal, country, pop, hip hop, dancing, singing, reading, writing, painting, drawing, playing the violin, acting, being weird, being eccentric, learning new things, living, breathing, enjoying life, loving people, being loved, touching lives, experiencing new things, meeting new people, dancing in the moon light, laughing with friends, traveling, holding hands, first dates, hellos, being happy, cookies, eggplant, my dad's baking, my mom's cooking, things that shine, the color red, broccoli, summer, days off, halloween, puppies, kittens, taking pictures, blogging, making money, shopping, spending money, shoes, purses, jewlry, playing games, I love life, being me, and being happy. And of course, I love you Timothy Evan Manchester Jr. ♥♥♥ Don't ever forget that.

My Ideal Future

If everything went my way, I would be the happiest if this was my future:
I get accepted into Long Island C.W Post, I engaged to the man of my dreams while attending school and then get married over the summer one year. I pass all of classes and succeed very well and move in with the man that I love more than anything. We have a beautiful wedding where both of our friends and families attend and are so happy for us. They both support us both because they know how happy we are. I have my first child shortly after graduating from college and then get a job teaching at a near by school. My husband and I have as many children as we can easily support and they all go to college and do very well. My husband and I are comfortably wealthy and have a large home in a nice neighborhood which is good for raising kids. We grow old together and live long enough to see our grandchildren get married. That is my ideal life.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


Sing me a lullaby to make the nightmares go away.
Sing me a lullaby when you hold me in your arms.
Kiss me goodnight, and sing me a lullaby as a drift away.
Sing me a lullaby to stop the tears.
Sing me a lullaby when I feel alone.
Take me away from this horrid place, and sing me a lullaby.
And when the nightmares come and make you cry and feel afraid, I will hold you kiss you, and sing you a lullaby until you drift away.

Sunday, October 18, 2009


Well I am dating this guy named Tim and he is. . .amazing. He is so sweet and handsome, I love spending time with him. I didn't really have any intentions of starting another relationship before college, but after meeting him and spending time with him I couldn't resist. He took my breath away and swept me off my feet. Everytime we talk he makes me feel so special, beautiful, and amazing. When he kisses me I feel like the only girl on the planet. When he holds me in his arms I almost forget to breath. I love all of his plans for his future, its nice to hear them. I'm the type of person that has been planning for my future since I knew how to, and I've never really met a guy that even had the beginnings of plans and the things he feels are most important in life and some of the same things I believe are most important. We have quite a bit in common, but we have a lot of differences to keep it interesting. We share a lot of the same desires and we just have great chemistry. I am very sad that he is leaving for the army in a month, but he will come back a month after that and I can write to him in the meantime. I'm really interested to see where this relationship will go, until then, I am REALLY REALLY HAPPY. So Timmy, this is for you baby. ♥

Friday, October 16, 2009


Well I've been home sick for over a week. I started out being sick with bronchitis with flu like symptoms and it just got worse. Then I went to the hospital and found out I have pneumonia and my right lung is partially collapsed. I've been on 2 different types of antibiotics and 2 different inhalers and then i got a nebulizer machine. I'm finally starting to feel better and stop coughing but I could relapse very easily and my immune system is very weak so I could just as easily catch something else and end up right where I was if not worse. As of right now however I am bored out of my mind. I haven't seen or really spoken to my friends in days and I'm rotting away at home. I've done some of my homework, but I can't really do my math because I don't know whats going on and I just got my government book yesterday so I could start doing that. So if you read this, you should deff send me a text or give me a call or something because I am desperate for human contact. Thank you to Tim :D who has kept me company through my illness by calling me and talking to me online ;) but I do miss my girlies and everyone else also. I'm going to work tomorrow and sunday and I hope to go to school on monday but my mother is thinking about keeping me home another week and getting a tutor to make sure I won't relapse or anything. . .I really want to go back to school. D:

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A Painting of You

You asked me to paint a picture of you, and I smiled and said that I would.  I love to paint, and I would love to paint you.  You sat down and and stayed very still, looking at me and smiled.  I sat behind an isle with paint, and brush in hand.  I worked for hours and went through so much paint.  I wanted to make sure that I captured everything.  I looked at you, stared at you to the point that I saw through you and painted everything that I saw.  They days passed and you still waited patiently, always smiling.  When I was finally done and I went to show you my work, you frowned and said that the picture wasn't of you at all, or of a person.  I smiled.  The picture was of you, however not what you were expecting.  I painted what I saw, and I don't see your face or your body.  I don't see your smiles, or your frowns.  I don't see your movements, your flaws, your talents, your imperfections.  I see you.  I see your soul.  I see your personality, your love, your passion, your sense of humor.  I see your breath.  I see your tears.  I see the weight on your shoulders, and the pride in your chest.  That is what I painted.  When I told you this, I saw the love in your eyes, and I felt you kiss my cheek. 

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Dear Knight in Shining Armor

Dear Knight in Shining Armor, I politely ask you to remove your armor.  Let me see past the hard exterior, and let me feel the soft warmth that you posess.  Let me reach into you and open your heart.  Let me take on your pain and your worries, and show you love, warmth, kindness, softness, happiness, and more protection than any amount of armor can ever provide.  I want to be the last thing you have to fight for, and the last battle you win.  I want to be your pride, and your future.  Let your guard down oh sweet knight, let it fall away like the rain, and let me fill you like heat.  I will cure you with love and tenderness.  What is it you will do for me you ask?  You will be my strenghth, and my safety.  You will return my love and passion.  We will share the most beautiful thing known to man.  I am your compassion, and you are my strength, and together we are everything. 

Friday, October 9, 2009

Thoughts. . .

What if everything you ever wanted just came up and knocked on your door?  How would you react?  What would you do faced with all of your desires?  Would you look them in the eye or would you look down in embarrassment?  Would you turn away or embrace them?  What if everything you ever wanted ended up not being what you truely want, or if what you really want isn't what you expected?  How do you deal with that?  How do you know?  If that is the case, how do you know if everything you truely want isn't right in front of you already or if you've already sent it on its way?  I guess you have to know exactly what you want in order to start anything like this.  You have to know inside and out and be totally sure with out any doubts in your mind.  That way, when it does come right up to you, you will know what to do because if you do second guess yourself, chances are it isn't truely what you want.  I guess it comes down to trusting yourself and your instincts. 

Thursday, October 8, 2009

creative writing 1

Its nights like this that I think of you,
when I remember your voice, your smell.
Its nights like this I wish you were here,
holding me close and whispering in my ear.
Its nights like this, where there is no sound but the wind,
and no light but the stars.
Its nights like this when I remember you the most,
when I think back to that special time.
Its nights like this when I close my eyes,
I take a deep breath, and escape. 

This came to me the other night when I was walking out to my car. . .just had the time to write it down now.  Hope you like it.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


So I'm getting a tattoo in a few months and I'm really excited about it.  I'm not getting a tattoo just to have one though, I want one with a meaning.  I want to get one for my cousin but I don't want an angel or a cross or anything like that, I want something with a deeper meaning.  I was thinking about getting a dragon because she collected dragon statues and puzzles and what not but all the dragon tattoos look to serpent like and I don't like that.  Then I thought about getting a butterfly because of what they symbolize, and there are certain flowers that have deeper meanings that I like, but nothing has really stuck out at me yet that I have to have.  Suggestions?

Adoption Party

Well this is a big thank you for everyone that attended my party on saturday celebrating my adoption.  The party was planned very last minute and I couldn't remember who I had invited and who I hadn't so if I didn't invite you or remind you or whatever, I am very sorry.  I was just so all over the place with everything.  The party went very well though.  It was at my aunt Pat's barn that they just made and doesn't have animals in it yet.  My boyfriend's step mom Karen was the DJ and she was amazing so if you need a DJ let me know :D.  Less people showed up than what we were expecting but it was fun.  We played stump and danced and then my parents got very drunk. . .it was bad.  I have very interesting videos and pictures from that night and it will be unforgettable.  Then my dad gave me my new social security card with my new name on it and we danced together.  I had to hold back tears when he told me he loved me because all I ever wanted was to REALLY have a dad and now I do.  I'm still having a hard time calling him dad, I forget most of the time, but I'm working on it. 


Well there is a new girl at school and her name is joselyn. . .I think thats how she spells it anyways.  I'm not sure what grade she is in but she isn't a senior.  I don't like it.  I have never had to go to school and be in classes with another person named Jocelyn.  I like being unique and never having the problem that people named ashley or sarah or chris have. . .I don't like it at all.  I don't this she is worthy to share my name.  I feel sincerely bitter about this.  Perhaps its selfish and irrational but other people get to act that way so I can too! 

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Halloween. . .

Okay so halloween is my FAVORITE holiday of all time and this year, because I am a senior i think I'm going to dress up and either go trick or treating or hand out candy.  Honestly halloween in our town sucks because trick or treating only lasts an hour now and its usually when its still light out so. . .LAME!!!  So perhaps if I do go trick or treating I will go somewhere else to do it.  My dilema is that I have no idea what I want to be this year.  I've done it all.  Last year I was a dominatrix, before that I've been a prostitute, a man, witch, vampire, mirmaid, hobo, clown, bunny, angel, pharoah and a lot more things that I can't seem to remember at the moment, but the point is I've done it all so I'm out of ideas.  I need something good and original cuz well. . .its me. . .so let me hear your ideas and I'll keep brain storming.  Thanks ♥♥