Jessie's 21st Birthday

I'm a little late posting about this, seeing as her birthday was on January 4th, but I didn't know what to say.  Cj, Cyndi, and I went to the cemetery, like I normally do, to celebrate her birthday.  We were only there a few minutes before another car pulled up behind us. . .and it was her mother.  I hadn't seen Lori since the funeral, and had only spoken to her maybe twice since.  It was awkward.  I was embarrassed.  There were so many things I wanted to say, but couldn't.  I didn't know what to say or do, so we just left.  I hugged her and said hello, but that was all I could really manage.  It was painful, though I'm not completely sure why.  Perhaps it just stirred up some old feelings.  I haven't posted about this yet because I still don't know what to say other than it was an awkward and painful experience that I wish I could go back and redo.
I can't believe Jessie would have been 21. . .in my memory she will always be 16.  I wish she was still here for us to celebrate our birthdays' together like we did when we were little.  I miss you Jess.  RIP. 1/4/91-11/06/07

Just Kiss Me

Wait a second. 

Don't speak.

For words are always all wrong.

Close your eyes.

They deceive you.

Wait a minute.

Don't touch me.

I might die if you do.

My heart skips beats,

And I can't seem to breath.

Stay the night.

I couldn't stand for you to leave.

Not again.  

Don't think.

It only makes things harder.

Shh.  Just kiss me.

One more week, 

That's all I ask for.  

Listen to your heart.

It knows I love you.

Mine told me your secret too.

A month,

A year,

A decade.

I'll wait.

Just let me feel your heart as it skips a beat.

Hold me, when you take my breath away.

And please, just kiss me.

The Journey To Me: My Body Part II

Just to give you an idea of that video I was telling you about.  (I did not make this video, I found it on youtube)

The Journey To Me: My Body

Mood: Energized

Weather: Probably cold

Something that is very hard to talk about is my body.  I am very self conscious about my appearance to others and a lot of the time I don't feel beautiful because I don't like my body.  I have struggled with my weight all my life and honestly now I think that I felt embarrassed to be dieting and exercising. . .like it meant acknowledging I have a "problem."  But I guess I do.  Not to mention I have asthma so when I did finally decide to run, I couldn't breath after about 5 minutes, which embarrassed me even more.  I didn't make any new years resolutions really, just to make this the best year yet and to have a year worth living.  I've decided I don't want to do it in this body anymore.  So I've decided to start a diet and an exercise program, which are two of my least favorite words!  This morning I got up at 8 (On a Saturday!!!) and found a cardio video on netflix.  Its some Crunch: CardioSalsa video or something like that.  I started out with 10 crunches (wow its been a while) and then did 15 minutes of the video, which was basically me repeating the first 5 minutes 3 times because by that time I could no longer keep up with the synchronized steps.  Jesus, if you thought Latino's talked fast, you should see them salsa O.O  I think I'm going to try to do this every other day for a while and eventually do more and more time.  My goal is to drop 2 pants sizes, and once I do that I will buy myself a gym membership.  I don't want to buy the membership and never go again so this is sort of a way for me to prove to myself I'm serious.  Please wish me luck and I can use all the encouragement, prayers, and luck I can get!  

My Other Christmas Present

Mood: The way you would expect any female to feel when she gets jewelry :P 

Weather: Cold dammit! 

So aside from my cute and hilarious turtle Gertrude (Gerdy), CJ also bought me this beautiful ring.  The center stone is blue topaz, and the darker blue stones are sapphires.  There are four encrusted diamonds at the corners and its all set in white gold.  Its his promise ring to me. . .that when we CAN afford it :P he'll get me an engagement ring <3 I love you with all my heart Sparky <3 

Living With A Boy: Family Pictures (Pictures done by Ezer Photography) Part II

365 Days

So I guess the Mayan calendar says that we have exactly 365 days until the end of the world. . .apparently a lot of people believe this.  Do I?  Who knows.  I'm still trying to figure out if I actually exist so I'm not sure I'm a reliable reference on beliefs.  I think the weather has been crazy, though its not like this hasn't happened before.  The economy is shit, also. . .happened before.  And every other day some priest is shouting to the heavens that its the end of the world, but the sun still rises and sets the next day.  But some how these ancient people can somehow predict the future, and the end of the world.  365 days. . .How fast did the last 365 days go?  How much happened?  How much changed?  What have you done in the last 365 days that you are proud of?  That you regret?  The world could end in 365 days, it could end tomorrow. . .it could end in a million years.  But if the world was to end, there are things I would like to have done, things I would want to have said. . .and so I think I'm going to try to live this next year like its my last.  Who knows. . .maybe it will be.  If not. . .I have lost nothing  :) Here's to one amazing year, whether it be the end, or just the beginning.  12/21/12. . .here I come :)

Living With A Boy: Christmas Present

Its quite hard for CJ and I to keep things hidden from each other now that we live together, especially christmas presents.  CJ already knows about most of his, and I went with him to pick out mine.  First he got be this beautiful promise ring from Kay.  It's white gold with a blue topaz stone with two blue sapphire stones on either sides and diamonds above.  Its beautiful and I actually chose that one over a more expensive diamond and sapphire ring simply because I loved this one more.  Its kind of like a pre-engagement ring. . .or like a "when I can actually afford to even think about a wedding I'll get you a real engagement ring" ring :P but while we were there we found out that CJ has excellent credit, also good news :) So for my second present, I GOT A TURTLE!!!! She is adorable and I named her Gertrude.  At first I didn't think you could easily tell the gender of a turtle so I was going to name her Crush, after the turtle in finding nemo.  But then I looked it up online and found out she is a girl so I named her Gertrude. . .I'm sure a middle name is in her near future, you know me ;)  But she is a baby, red eared slider.  She is smaller than my hand right now but she will grow to be as big as a plate and we got her a 40 gallon tank for when she does :P But I think she is too cute and so fun to watch.  I have the best boyfriend ever.  I love you CJ.

Living With A Boy: Family Pictures (Pictures done by Ezer Photography)

Thanks Wendy <3

Hernas Veterinary Clinic

So I had to update Jack on his rabies and distemper shots and I had to find a vet.  I have never had to do this before so it was interesting.  I had called a woman my parents had suggested but she didn't call me back until a week and a half later, so I went online and looked up the best rated vets in the area.  Number 1 was the Hernas Veterinary Clinic, so I called and made an appointment.  I was nervous about taking him to the vet because he gets nervous around new people alone.  Not to mention a new place with new people in lab coats that want to stick him with needles.  They were very nice and understanding and Jack did such a good job, I'm so proud of him.  All 45.5 pounds of him! lol.  They were also very affordable, $93 for the visit and 2 shots :)