Friday, July 23, 2010


Its nights like this when I'm all alone in bed and I let my mind fade into the abyss.  I think about everything all at once. . .and I cry.  I cry about my knight in shining armor, my creature of the night, Jessica, my dad (the real one), and yeah. . .I still freaking cry about Chris.  Yes, I'm a hormonal girl that will lay in bed and start crying because of my own damn thoughts.  I think I do it because I hold it in and keep moving everyday like I'm happy as a clown, and then let it all out when I'm alone.  Isn't that what you're supposed to do though?  Isn't that the right thing to do?  I feel if I showed how much things affected me, and cried every time I felt the need to I would just be bringing other people down and causing issues that don't need to be caused.  I'm not really a depressed person anymore, and its not like I'm faking smiles on a daily basis and just going through the motions anymore.  I am sincerely happy. . .but that doesn't mean that things don't still hurt.  I think that by doing it now when I'm all alone in my room. . .i'm letting out without bringing anyone down with me.  In a few weeks. . .I won't have that opportunity any more.  I'm going to be in an itty bitty dorm room with one other girl. . .I will never be alone again.  Does my crying here at night fix anything?  No. . .if anything it just helps me to breath easier. . .sometimes, I think people just need to cry. 

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