A Painting of You

You asked me to paint a picture of you, and I smiled and said that I would.  I love to paint, and I would love to paint you.  You sat down and and stayed very still, looking at me and smiled.  I sat behind an isle with paint, and brush in hand.  I worked for hours and went through so much paint.  I wanted to make sure that I captured everything.  I looked at you, stared at you to the point that I saw through you and painted everything that I saw.  They days passed and you still waited patiently, always smiling.  When I was finally done and I went to show you my work, you frowned and said that the picture wasn't of you at all, or of a person.  I smiled.  The picture was of you, however not what you were expecting.  I painted what I saw, and I don't see your face or your body.  I don't see your smiles, or your frowns.  I don't see your movements, your flaws, your talents, your imperfections.  I see you.  I see your soul.  I see your personality, your love, your passion, your sense of humor.  I see your breath.  I see your tears.  I see the weight on your shoulders, and the pride in your chest.  That is what I painted.  When I told you this, I saw the love in your eyes, and I felt you kiss my cheek. 

Dear Knight in Shining Armor

Dear Knight in Shining Armor, I politely ask you to remove your armor.  Let me see past the hard exterior, and let me feel the soft warmth that you posess.  Let me reach into you and open your heart.  Let me take on your pain and your worries, and show you love, warmth, kindness, softness, happiness, and more protection than any amount of armor can ever provide.  I want to be the last thing you have to fight for, and the last battle you win.  I want to be your pride, and your future.  Let your guard down oh sweet knight, let it fall away like the rain, and let me fill you like heat.  I will cure you with love and tenderness.  What is it you will do for me you ask?  You will be my strenghth, and my safety.  You will return my love and passion.  We will share the most beautiful thing known to man.  I am your compassion, and you are my strength, and together we are everything. 

Thoughts. . .

What if everything you ever wanted just came up and knocked on your door?  How would you react?  What would you do faced with all of your desires?  Would you look them in the eye or would you look down in embarrassment?  Would you turn away or embrace them?  What if everything you ever wanted ended up not being what you truely want, or if what you really want isn't what you expected?  How do you deal with that?  How do you know?  If that is the case, how do you know if everything you truely want isn't right in front of you already or if you've already sent it on its way?  I guess you have to know exactly what you want in order to start anything like this.  You have to know inside and out and be totally sure with out any doubts in your mind.  That way, when it does come right up to you, you will know what to do because if you do second guess yourself, chances are it isn't truely what you want.  I guess it comes down to trusting yourself and your instincts. 

creative writing 1

Its nights like this that I think of you,
when I remember your voice, your smell.
Its nights like this I wish you were here,
holding me close and whispering in my ear.
Its nights like this, where there is no sound but the wind,
and no light but the stars.
Its nights like this when I remember you the most,
when I think back to that special time.
Its nights like this when I close my eyes,
I take a deep breath, and escape. 

This came to me the other night when I was walking out to my car. . .just had the time to write it down now.  Hope you like it.

Tattoo

So I'm getting a tattoo in a few months and I'm really excited about it.  I'm not getting a tattoo just to have one though, I want one with a meaning.  I want to get one for my cousin but I don't want an angel or a cross or anything like that, I want something with a deeper meaning.  I was thinking about getting a dragon because she collected dragon statues and puzzles and what not but all the dragon tattoos look to serpent like and I don't like that.  Then I thought about getting a butterfly because of what they symbolize, and there are certain flowers that have deeper meanings that I like, but nothing has really stuck out at me yet that I have to have.  Suggestions?

Adoption Party

Well this is a big thank you for everyone that attended my party on saturday celebrating my adoption.  The party was planned very last minute and I couldn't remember who I had invited and who I hadn't so if I didn't invite you or remind you or whatever, I am very sorry.  I was just so all over the place with everything.  The party went very well though.  It was at my aunt Pat's barn that they just made and doesn't have animals in it yet.  My boyfriend's step mom Karen was the DJ and she was amazing so if you need a DJ let me know :D.  Less people showed up than what we were expecting but it was fun.  We played stump and danced and then my parents got very drunk. . .it was bad.  I have very interesting videos and pictures from that night and it will be unforgettable.  Then my dad gave me my new social security card with my new name on it and we danced together.  I had to hold back tears when he told me he loved me because all I ever wanted was to REALLY have a dad and now I do.  I'm still having a hard time calling him dad, I forget most of the time, but I'm working on it. 

Jocelyn

Well there is a new girl at school and her name is joselyn. . .I think thats how she spells it anyways.  I'm not sure what grade she is in but she isn't a senior.  I don't like it.  I have never had to go to school and be in classes with another person named Jocelyn.  I like being unique and never having the problem that people named ashley or sarah or chris have. . .I don't like it at all.  I don't this she is worthy to share my name.  I feel sincerely bitter about this.  Perhaps its selfish and irrational but other people get to act that way so I can too! 

Halloween. . .

Okay so halloween is my FAVORITE holiday of all time and this year, because I am a senior i think I'm going to dress up and either go trick or treating or hand out candy.  Honestly halloween in our town sucks because trick or treating only lasts an hour now and its usually when its still light out so. . .LAME!!!  So perhaps if I do go trick or treating I will go somewhere else to do it.  My dilema is that I have no idea what I want to be this year.  I've done it all.  Last year I was a dominatrix, before that I've been a prostitute, a man, witch, vampire, mirmaid, hobo, clown, bunny, angel, pharoah and a lot more things that I can't seem to remember at the moment, but the point is I've done it all so I'm out of ideas.  I need something good and original cuz well. . .its me. . .so let me hear your ideas and I'll keep brain storming.  Thanks ♥♥

My Teachers

Well this is a critique/review of my current teachers in order of period.

Mr. Carey- he is my first period geology teacher.  I love Mr. Carey SOOO much.  I hate earth science, its not an interest of mine at all really, but he makes it so interesting and I just learn so well from him.  I love his personality and I just love him.  Thats why I made a Mr. Carey Fan club on Facebook (check it out).  I think he gets angry kind of easily about some things, but no one is perfect.  I just don't understand why that man never got married, he is awesome! I understand why he never had kids because I don't think he could deal with a crying toddler, but overall he is just awesome and an amazing teacher.  I could learn anything from him and be interested.

Ms.  Yaddaw- she is my english teacher that is filling in for my real english teacher because she had a baby.  Ms. Yaddaw is amazing too, she is a really good teacher, its like she was born to do this.  I learn very well from her too.  I think her assignment about her philosophy on teaching caused me to have a lot of respect for her and I've been talking to her a lot recently about my dilema mentioned below.  She has a very modern way of thinking about literature and its nice.  I like her approach and her interesting sense of humor. 

Mrs. Countryman- she is my precalc teacher.  Its kind of difficult for me to jump from my first year of math b to pre calc but i'm dealing.  I don't totally like being in a class full of juniors, but you know. . .its better than freshmen.  I do like Mrs. Countryman however, but I think I learn better when I ask her for help than when she is teaching to the entire class and that may be my fault due to my attitude, but she is very upbeat for a little woman lol.

Mr. Waterson- I've had Mr. Waterson 3 years in a row for outdoor activities and he is amazing.  People don't always realize this but he does care a lot about his students and enjoys what he does.  He makes my day when I have him because he is so funny and laid back. 

Mr. Milman- I have had mr. Milman for 7 years now and I love him more and more with every year.  I love how he teaches and his personality.  He is so clumsy it just adds to the humor.  I love how laid back his class is and how its just a stress relief more so than stressful. 

MRS. Yonteff - I haven't had her as a teacher before but she was the music director for one of our drama club performances.  The class is much more than just standing up and singing and she makes it very professional and has gained the respect of her students which is hard for newer teachers.

Mr. Satola- well i'm not sure if i'm spelling that right or not, but I do like this particular teacher because he makes me laugh and thats pretty much it.  I'm not a big fan of history or anything that goes along with it, but he makes me laugh and he makes the class fun at times.  He can't help that he teachs a boring subject.  He does get kind of angry easily so i'll do my best to stay on his good side. . .

Ms. Greg- she is a student teacher for Ms. Evans and she teaches Marketing.  The class itself is a drag and I feel like I'm in elementary school but she doesn't really get to decide on what to do so she really can't be blamed for it.  She is really cute and tiny and funny and I like talking to her.  I think she is going to be an awesome teacher in the future and she is bringing us icecream tomorrow to bribe us so that we're good when her supervisor comes so thats pretty cool too because i'd probably do the same thing.

Mr. Schoff- Okay, well I think this year, he is my favorite teacher.  Mainly because he isn't my teacher, he's my study hall teacher.  He is new this year to our district and let me just say that I love him to death!!! He is so nice and laid back and its really refreshing to have him the last period of the day.  He unwillingly lets me express myself by drawing all over his chalk board and talk loudly.  The poor guy. . .he's got to be broken in somehow and I'm the perfect one to do it!! But he's really cool and puts up with me and I really enjoy talking to him.  Seriously, 11th period is my favorite period of the day!!! ☺Mr. Schoff☺ aka Mr. Schoof :D

well thats it for now, as the school year continues I will probably update this, but until then I am overall happy with all my teachers this year and glad to have them.  ♥♥

My Major

Well in the past few weeks I've been thinking constantly and stressing myself out terribly about my major for college.  I've known since I was in the 7th grade that I wanted to be a psychologist.  I want to help people, thats all I want to do and all I've ever wanted to do.  I want to impact someones life, and teach someone something of importance.  I want to be there for people like me, because I think I have a lot to offer and a lot to teach about life and challenges we are faced with.  Recently however, I've been thinking that being a psychologist isn't the way to go to do all of this because I mainly want to help people my age right now and adolescence don't like the thought of going to a shrink.  They think that you have to be nuts if you go to see a psychologist and they aren't as likely to open up to someone that they don't really know.  So instead of being a psychologist I've been thinking about being a teacher because I could form a better relationship with my students so that they feel comfortable coming to me with their problems and I can still go about helping, teaching, and impacting their lives in the way that I want.  I feel very close to a lot of my teachers and I know that I can go to a lot of them with any problems that I have and I am very comfortable with that, and I know my friends feel the same way.  In the beginning of the school year, my current english teacher that is filling in for my real english teacher gave us an assignment about her philosophy on teaching and it had an impact on me and I really liked it, and so far this year she has taught and had such an attitude that makes me want to be a teacher like her.  This truely stresses me out however because I hate not being sure about what I want to do, I'm a very driven individual and I just feel awful not knowing what I really want to do.  I DO NOT want to get to college without having a clear idea of what I want to major in and I'm scared to death of changing my major, I'm not sure why its such a big deal to me, but I really just don't want to do it.  I want to go in knowing exactly what I want and what I want to do and succeed in it and love it.  I don't want to change my mind 5 times and not know what I want to do.  So this is the dilema I'm faced with right now and I've been talking to a lot of my teachers about it, so we'll see. . .I'll keep you updated.