I am a metaphore

I am a butterfly, and my soul is a rainbow. 
I am a star, and my heart is a fire.
I am a waterfall, and my eyes are a window.
I am a metaphore, but my soul will forever be a hyperbole.

Dating

In the last month I have realized that there is a box.  Yes a box.  Where all (most) teenagers live.  In this box, as far as relationships go, there is no such thing as Dating.  You are either in a relationship or you're not.  There is no in between called dating and the majority of my friends and fellow students do not grasp the concept.  They condemn me because I have, in fact, been dating.  I have been seeing a few different people since I've split up with Tim.  One friend in particular called me a slut, when I have done really nothing physically with any of the guys I've been out with.  There are really only 2 guys that I've been really seeing.  I went on one date with a bible humper and that was the last of him and I've been seeing 2 guys for the last few weeks.  I'm not looking to get into a relationship just yet.  I'm not 100% sure what I'm doing as far as college, I'm just out of an "engagement", and I just want to date and have fun and get to know different personalities before I get into another serious relationship.  So while dating: there is no committment, and the option on both sides to see other people. . .is that really that hard of a concept to grasp in high school?? I'm 18 years old and a senior. . .why is that so horrible?? I'm not having sex with every guy I go out with. . .so what the hell?? Whats wrong with dating??  Why don't any (most any) of my friends get this??  GAH CONFUSION!!!

College II

Well its pretty much set in stone that I am going to Oneonta. . .heres my next problem. . .I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!!  I don't really want to be a teacher, maybe a psychologist? communications? humanities?  I have no idea.  I know what I like. . .but no stable career (that I know of) supports what I enjoy. I enjoy art, and being creative, and working with people, and most of all I want to help people and influence someone's life. . .any ideas?? Well i've spent a large portion of today googling college majors and looking at the ones that Oneonta offers. . .psychology sounds appealing because I can do so much with it.  Thats the opposite for education because if I major in education I don't really have a choice but to become a teacher. . .with a psychology major I at least have options.  I was reading the possible job options for a communications major and there are a lot of options there as well.  I hate it.  Its so stressful.  All my life I've "known" what I wanted to do, or at least thought I did. . .and had an idea.  Now that its the time that I more or less NEED to know. . .I haven't the slightest clue.  It bothers me that I don't know. . .its not like me not to know.  *sigh*

College

Well everything just got a whole lotta messed up.  I thought I was going to Long Island University C.W Post because on their website it says it only costs like $29,000 a year and they were automatically giving me $11,000 a year for merit. . .well we just got my financial aid package from them and tuition is like $41,000 a year and they're only giving me $12,000 a year total. . .soo. . .i don't think I'm going there.  So I'm still waiting to hear back from Stony Brook, I emailed them the other day and they said my decision is still pending, but I have been accepted to Oneonta, Oswego, and Herkimer. . .I really don't want to go to Oswego or Herkimer so if I get accepted to Stony Brook it will be between there and Oneonta.  It kinda makes me sad because I have really had my heart set on going to C.W Post.  I mean, Stony Brook is in Long Island so if I went there I would still be down there and it is an absolutely GORGEOUS school. . .but. . .idk.  Its all coming down to like financial stuff. . .the good thing about Oneonta is I would be closer to people here, and a bunch of my friends are going to Oswego which isn't far away at all.  *shrugs* I guess we'll see what happens. 

Need You Now--Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

I just need you now

Ooo, baby, I need you now



I like this song.  I heard it on the radio and it just made me think.

Yesterday

Well I had a funny experience yesterday in the Stewarts parking lot that I would like to share with you because it embarrassed me, and I feel that by laughing about it, and telling people about it, I will feel less embarrassed.  Well first of all, as I was walking into Stewarts guess who I passed?? Just guess!! No ideas??? Tim's ex girlfriend, who is now his new girlfriend Cayla!!!! yeah. . .she saw me and gave me a dirty look. . .I just smiled at her.  :) Anyways, when I was leaving Stewarts some big ass truck parked as close to me as he possibly could, and when I had to pull out I also had to turn.  So I couldn't pull out because I couldn't manuver my car around this big ass freaking truck that was parked way too close to me.  I made several failed attempts until finally this very attractive male passanger in the big ass truck opens his window and walks me through step by step how to back up my car and get around the big ass truck that is parked too damn close. . .so I was very embarrassed that he had to help me because I couldnt do it myself but I smiled and said thank you anyways.  Mind you as I was getting into my car he winked and smiled at me. . .now he probably thinks I'm a total ditz.   Well thats my story :)

Never Again

Never again:
Will I date someone in the military.
will I date someone after having issues with their family only weeks into the relationship.
will I date someone I have to wait more than a couple of weeks to see.
will I date someone I can't be myself around.
will I date someone I have to walk on eggshells around.
will I lie to myself to justify my behavior.
will I date someone that makes me feel like I have to be someone or something different to make them happy.
will I date someone that I CANNOT make happy dispite all of my efforts.
will I date someone that doesn't appreciate me for who I am and what I do.
I will never get engaged again. . .next time I'll just skip right to the marriage (I'm kidding with that one lol)
Never again will I plan to sacrifice everything for a person that isn't willing to do the same for me.
This is me, take me or leave me because I WILL NOT change for you or be someone or something I'm not.  I have a big heart and a lot to offer, but i'm not playing anymore games and not getting beaten down by a nobody.

♥Richard Gere♥

MARRY ME!!!! XOXOXOX ♥♥♥ lol ;)

That Guy

I'm looking for a guy that likes the stars.  A guy that likes to sit in the grass and just look at them.  I'm looking for a guy that likes to kiss after eating garlic.  A guy that likes warm weather, snuggling, long movies, and quiet staring.  I want a guy that likes to make plans spur of the moment.  A guy that always smells nice, has a big family, and likes to laugh at nothing.  A guy that loves music, and love stories, and silly games like peek-a-boo. A guy that will kiss me first thing in the morning, and right before we fall asleep.  Someone that will drive my car because I don't want to, will listen to my stories even if i've already told them once, will let me wake them up in the middle of the night because I had a nightmare and can't sleep, will kiss my tears away and make the monsters disappear.  Someone that will make me feel beautiful when I look my worst and make me feel alive when I'm feeling down.  Someone that will whisper he loves me when I'm asleep on his lap.  Someone that plays video games while I read, and lets me play with him even though I suck.  Someone that will surprise me with flowers and pick me up from school just because.  Someone that will eat my cooking even if its horrible, someone who will make me laugh when I feel like I'm about to cry.  Someone that will make my mom laugh, and my dad smile.  Someone who will play games with my brother and sister, pick on my friends, and read my blog.  The guy that will tuck me in at night, argue with me about who loves who more or about silly things just so we can talk about something and laugh.  I just want a guy that will love me like no one ever has, kiss me like he will never get another chance, touch me like I'm the only other human being on the planet, and let me love him back just as much.  I want that guy.  I want my prince charming. 

Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Buble :)

I'm not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down,

I tried so very hard not to lose it;
I came up with a million excuses,
I thought I thought of every possibility,

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get~ mmm.......
I just haven't met you yet.


Mmmmm ....

I might have to wait,
I’ll never give up,
I guess it's half timin', and the other half's luck,
Wherever you are,
Whenever it's right,
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazin',
And baby your love is gonna change me,
And now I can see every possibility, mmmmmm....

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get, mmmm....
I just haven't met you yet.


They say all’s fair
in love and war
But I won’t need to fight it,
we'll get it right an',
we'll be united

and I know that we can be so amazin',
And bein' in your life is gonna change me,
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmmmm

And someday I know it'll all turn out,
And I'll work to work it out,
Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Oh, you know it'll all turn out,
and you'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get, yeah
I just haven't met you yet.

I just haven't met you yet,
Oh, promise you kid,
To give so much more than I get.

I said love love love love love love love.....
I just haven't met you yet
Love love love .....
So doy day ay ay ay, ay ay yeah
I just haven't met you yet!



~I love this song.  I've had it stuck in my head.