I am The Body Beautiful - Salt N Pepa (I love this song from one of my favorite movies)

Aw yeah don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful
[And where is the body?]
Move over mutha cuz I'm going faster than you can drive
The body's beautiful baby
That's right I just can't help it (yeah)
It's not my fault I was born this way (I was born this way) 

Get with the B E A U T Y
Beauty the body is beautiful (Body beautiful)
Get with the B E A-U-T-Y
Beauty, the body is beautiful (I am body beautiful)

I'm up and coming, I am a child
I'm legendary, hey, I'm free and wild
I am the ocean, and I rule the world (the whole world)
I'm sensual, I am body beautiful (the body's beautiful)
My cha-cha pumps (hump-a-dooty), I've got them on (in a winnin' ticket)
And I work the runway (left-right-left-right-left), baby, all night long
I am the one (the only one), there is no other
I am mother, I am body beautiful
Lights, camera, action!
Satisfaction guaranteed, that's what I need
I celebrate the body and enjoy good health
And I gets down with my bad self
It's all good from the front to the back
Two snaps and a clap for a body like that
It's a good damn thing I don't care what you say
Somebody beautiful (I am body beautiful), hey, that's me

I am grand (grand diva), I am the queen (Queen Bee)
A masquerade (who am I?), I'm fantasy (you're a fantasy)
I am the house (the whole mansion) of elegance
Featuring, I am body beautiful (body beautiful)
Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful
Everybody's beautiful in their own special way (yes)
Carry yourself like a queen and you will attract a king
Beauty comes from within (yes)
Whatever the mind can conceive and believe
You will achieve (got to believe)
Do you believe (yes) that you are body beautiful?
Yes! Yes! Oooo, yes!

There ain't enough words to express how I feel
I'm body beautiful, true, that's for real
Am who I am and that's all I can be
Open up your mind so your eyes can see

Body beautiful, baby (Work that body)
Body beautiful, baby (Work it, work it)
Body beautiful, baby (Work that body)
Body beautiful that's me (word)

Then I'm-a tell ya like this, and I'm-a tell ya this way
My body's beautiful, that's all I'm sayin'
Bodies come in all different shapes and sizes
You're beautiful, too, just realize this
Can't you see the beauty in me?
Open up your heart and set your mind free
Everybody's beautiful in their own way
Express yourself every day
And when you got joy on the inside it shows on the out
Be confident and you're beautiful without a doubt
You're absolutely gorgeous, don't ya know?
So you got the body beautiful glow

Body beautiful, baby (Work that body)
Body beautiful, baby (Work it, work it)
Body beautiful, baby (Work that body)
Body beautiful (I am body beautiful) that's me (word)

The Walls part II

I kinda wanted to add to the last post I just made. . .I wanted to add some thoughts about it.  I honestly didn't realize that I had built a wall, not until yesterday.  I didn't realize that I was making it so I was incapable to really feel anything.  Before, I used to let myself feel everything. . .was it a bad thing?  Well as most of you know I went from one very long, beautiful, relationship to the second.  The first ended with me saying goodbye and regretting it with every essence of my being after, the second ended in my world crashing down.  After that. . .I didn't want to feel.  I dated without any intent of it going any where, which is something I never used to do and don't even feel right about doing, I got bored really fast with the different people I dated because I refused to let myself trust them or feel anything for them.  Thats not the type of person I am, and it wasn't until just a few days ago that I realized thats what I've been doing.  I'm one of the most sincere people in the world.  People always tell me that you should play hard to get with guys, and act as if you're not really interested because they want what they can't have.  Well, as a lot of you already know, I CAN'T DO THAT!!! It is seriously impossible.  Well. . .maybe not impossible because I guess thats pretty much what I've been doing for the last few months subconsciously.  A lot of the guys that I dated, if they liked me. . .I got scared and ran away.  In other cases, I refused to trust them.  But I'm the type of person that normally can't hide how I feel, and I'm an honest and sincere person so I will tell you.  People tell me thats the wrong way to be.  My mother tells me I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve like that because thats how I always get hurt.  I think, I would rather be sincere and be myself and have someone fall for me that way, then play head games like "hard to get."  Yesterday was when I really noticed how much of a wall I had built up and how I had been acting since Tim and I split up. . .I didn't like it.  I mean, I don't want to get hurt again, and I'm scared of letting someone in again.  So the wall is still there. . .but its coming down a grain of sand at a time.  Its hard to let someone in after all these months of keeping everyone out.  I've allowed myself to feel things lately. . .and its nice.  Its nice to like someone, and to begin to trust someone.  The walls are still up. . .but maybe, just maybe in a few months to a year they will come down and someone can get inside.  What they do to it is up to them. 

The Walls

The walls are falling down.  The walls that I built around my heart are crumbling to pieces.  The walls that I've been building up for the last 4 months are melting away. . .leaving me vulnerable.  With each passing day small pieces get chipped away. . .I feel it.  I built up the wall to keep out intruders, to keep my fragile heart safe.  I almost forgot what it felt like for someone to break down my walls.  No, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. . .No, I'm not sure if its a good thing. . .Yes, I'm scared.  But as I sit here and think about you. . .I will allow you to pick away the hard stone surrounding my heart.  The walls are so well built and so strong, it will take you a while to get inside.  I can't protect my heart forever. . .and eventually someone will have to get inside.  Maybe it will be you?  I'll let you try.

Being with you

Being with you, is like breathing. . .so simple, but so satisfying. 
Its like riding your bike for the second time, it just comes natural.
Being with you is like learning to walk, one step at a time.
We move slow like the tranquil current of a shallow stream,
but you make my heart beat fast like the wind in a hurricane.
Being with you, is like riding a rollercoaster,
you give me butterflies, and I hang on for the ride of my life.
Being with you, is like a good dream.
You never know what is going to happen, but when it does you're always surprised.
When you wake up in the morning. . .you have a smile on your face.
Being with you is like the best day of my life. . .over and over again :)

Situations

The situations I get myself into are all but not exciting lol.  As a lot of you know. . .I'm the type of person that won't listen to anyone when they try to tell me the outcome of a situation, no. . .I have to try it myself.  I have to live it, and learn it.  Well the present situation I am in. . .is just that.  I'm sure if most people knew, they would tell me its crazy and can only end in disaster. . .perhaps I even thought that of other people that might be in this situation, but honestly. . .I am so happy.  Its strange how things happen. . .you really can't judge a book by its cover.  I never thought I would be involved in anything like this. . .but now that I am, I am really happy and it seems as though this is exactly what I've been looking for.  Sure its unorthodox, but who cares?  I don't like it when everything in life needs to be set in stone, I like to do things my own way. . .life is more interesting that way. . .ya I probably get that from my father. . .but as long as i'm not hurting anyone else, what harm could be done?  Sorry to be so vague, perhaps in the future I will explain in more detail but as for now, just know that I'm happy and I think i found what I was looking for.

I am not. . .

No, i'm sorry. . .i'm not a chew toy.  You can't bite me to pieces and then spit me on the floor.  I'm not a rag doll, you can't play with me for a few minutes and then put me away in a box.  I'm not a sex toy that is just here for your entertainment.  I'm a person.  I'm made up of skin, blood, organs, a heart. . .a mind.  I cry when i'm hurt, and when I'm sad.  I laugh and smile when I'm happy.  It hurts when i'm treated like a chew toy, a rag doll, a sex toy.  Thats not what I am.  Ya i'm here to help you, i'll be there for you if you ever need me. . .but i'm a person that deserves respect and decency.  I deserve to be cared for, like a porcelain doll that will break if dropped. I deserve to be loved and respected like any other person in the world.  No, i'm not perfect, I make mistakes. . .and sure, sometimes I deserve to be put in my place. . .but once in a while. . . it would be nice to not be treated like shit.  It would be nice to know that people care about me. . .*sigh* okay, i'm done ranting.

What did I do to deserve this?

What did I do to deserve this?  I go through life trying to help people on a daily basis.  I'm always nice, polite, and respectful to the people I meet and especially the guys I date. . .why am I the one that always gets used, hurt, and treated poorly?  I don't do anything to them. . .how is that fair?  Why do people feel like they can walk all over me and anything I have to offer is theirs for the taking?  Its not just a one time occasion either. . .its every freaking time. . .and its not fair.  I don't deserve that.  I deserve better than that.  I at least deserve a little respect. . .some kindness. . .decency.  Don't I?  Or is my kindness towards others all for nothing?  Haven't I dealt with enough?  Can't it just stop for a little while?  Please? 

Squished In Bed

I am laying in bed wearing my black and white bathing suit.  I'm talking to Tyler.  He says hello.  I'm telling him wayyyy too much.  Oh yes my friends and readers, I am very squished here in my bed.  I want you to know that I am very passionate about my blog, it means a lot to me.  I'm very sincere in it.  I like it when people read it and comment and such.  I've got that airplanes song stuck in my head "can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky were like shooting stars, I could really use a wish right now" ya. . .a wish right now would be pretty good

To My Friends

To Gabby:  I freaking love you!! BFFL!  I'm so glad we got so close this year and got to spend so much time together.  I know we are going to be close all through college and you can come visit me as much as you'd like.  I want you to know that you're freaking beautiful and I love you to death.  You have helped me out so much this year. . .you are one of the only people I feel like I can really talk to.  I'm so excited for all the memories we are going to make this summer and for the next few years.   Best of luck babe. 

To Cassie:  Its been a rough road this year, but we pulled through.  I hope you have a great summer and senior year.  Best of luck, stay in touch.

To Donjeta:  Girrrrrllllllllllllll lol what can I say. . .you're hawt!!  I'm so upset that you're spending your freaking summer in Cosavo (did I spell that right?) and missing all of our grad parties.  You had better come see me after you come back.  I love you to death and you are one of the few people that I know I will stay in contact with over the years.  I can't wait to come visit you at school and party in the city with you.  Know that I love you and I'm always here if you need anything.  Best of Luck.

To Ashley P:  hahaha, this year has been a blast with you!!!  Its been real yo and I'm sure we will get together a bunch when we are in college.  You, me, gabby, and matt. . .oh ya.  You're awesome girl, you've got a big heart and you're very strong.  I admire you in so many ways.  Keep it real, keep in touch, Best of Luck.

To Cecilia: I love your hair!!  You won't be too far away from me so I hope we get together and chill.  Its going to be fun.  I know you are going to do well so I won't waste my time wishing you luck because you don't need it.  Had tons of fun at your grad party (i won at stump. . .twice :))  Keep in touch.

To Matty:  Girrrrrrllllll lol jk :)  I'm going to miss you like hell, but I will come visit you and donjeta down there.  We will party. . .it will be great!!!!  I've been friends with you for sooooo freaking long, you are one of the people that I always kept in contact with and always hung out with.  Oh the memories.  Best of Luck

To Kelly:  You are brilliant and you are going to go far.  Never change.  I know that when we come back for our 10 year reunion you will be very successful, married, and rolling in the money :)  You're so funny and fun to be around.  Keep in touch, Best of Luck.

I know I'm forgetting like 10 million people so TO 10 MILLION PEOPLE:  Its been real!  Peace!

Breakeven by The Script (dedicated to you-know-who)

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even.

Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break, no it don't
break, no it don't break even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, It don't break even, no