Last few days

Well my senior prom wasn't as amazing as people make it out to be.  I went through the motions and danced with a few of my friends. . .but prom really isn't my thing and I kinda knew I wasn't going to enjoy it all that much.  But 50 bobby pins and 4 shampoo sessions later I am done with that and I can mark it off of my check list.  Tonight is my last high school orchestra concert and tomorrow is my last day of high school.  I took my geology final first period today and I'm taking my precalc final next period.  Geology was easy and I was done with in like 20 mins.  I can't believe its done.  I am happy that its over but at the same time I'm sad.  This year went by so fast.  If nothing else, this year I've really learned who my true friends are and they will be the ones I make an effort to keep in contact with over the next few years, you know who you are.  Tonight will be sad. . .I think it will be the hardest part of graduating.  I can't believe tomorrow is my last day.  Honestly though. . .as I experience all of this, I can't help but think of my cousin and how she never got to do these things.  She never got to go to prom, or graduation, or turn 18, or go gambling. . .every time I experience something new because of my age I think of her and how she died when she was only 16.  I don't feel lucky that I get to experience it. . .I feel sad that she didn't. . .idk. . .just a thought. 

End of Senior Year

As of wednesday I am officially done with my senior year and highschool in general.  This whole time I have been counting down the days and now that its here. . .I want to cry.  A couple of weeks ago we got our yearbooks and I wished all of my friends the best of luck and more or less left them a goodbye note.  I teared up while writing a few of them.  I don't think any of the messages I left were less than about half a page, Gabby got a page and a half lol.  Its sad.  Graduation always seemed to be like this mythical thing that would never come to be. . .but here it is looking us in the face.  I'm here looking back and I'm in disbelief.  Signing yearbooks was hard and I plan to dedicate posts to a few of my friends here.  Then yesterday I went to my sisters choir concert, but there were a few other groups performing as well such as the 6th grade orchestra.  They played two of the same songs I played when I was in middle school and that made me cry because it seems like yesterday I was in the 6th grade orchestra playing Canon and Ode to Joy.  Tuesday is my last highschool orchestra concert and I know I won't make it all the way through without crying.  Mr. Milman has been teaching me since I was in the 5th grade and we've made it so far. . .and now its all coming to an end.  Tomorrow is my senior prom and I'm sure there will be some tears shed then as I spend one of the last days at a school event with all my friends.  We are all going in different directions and starting our own lives on different paths.  I tear up when I think about it. . .not all bad tears although I'm sad its coming to an end, but I just can't believe it and I am so happy for everyone.  We've spent so many years together with our back packs on our backs and lunches in our hands. . .the days where we had one teacher a day to now where most of us cut more classes than we go to. . .and now its all ending and I'm not going to see these people on a daily basis.  We've anticipated this day since the first day of kindergarden and now its here and its like being struck by lightening.  Its hard to imagine anything different than what our life has been for the last 17-18 years.  But I wish the entire class of 2010 the best.  See you at prom tomorrow and graduation on the 25th. 

My Essay

I wrote an essay today for a scholarship.  The assignment was to write about an experience that impacted your life.  I, of course, wrote about my cousin.  I really liked the essay that I wrote.  I started by saying that every day is filled with experiences that impact our lives forever no matter how small or unnoticable.  Then I talked about my relationship with my cousin and how we were more like sisters.  In the car she had an accident in there was a picture and on the back it was made out ot me.  It was found after she was dead and her grandmother mailed it to me.  On the back she told me she loved me and always would and she considered me a sister.  That picture is very important to me.  I didn't talk about that in my essay but I just thought about it and thought I would share it with you.  Then, in the essay, I talked about the accident and how it affected me.  I said I would never forget the phone call, the pain, and the funeral, but I said my story has a happy ending.  I learned a lot from that experience and I've gained so much.  As a result I am a safer driver and think a little bit more about my decisions and how everything I do affects the people around me.  I had to cope with her death and that helped me to grow and I will be able to help other people in similar situations a lot better.  Her death is also what is driving me to become a psychologist so I can help people like her, or people like me.  I also said that if there is anything I want to get out of this life. . .I want to save just one person because, in my mind, saving one person is helping to save the world.  I would do anything to go back and change what happened that day and save my cousin, but because I can't I deal with the cards I'm dealt and TRY to make the best out of it. 

Surgery

Well I have my surgery in a week from tomorrow.  Am I scared?  yes.  I'm not so much scared about the surgery itself. . .well I am because my brain could leak, I could lose my vision, my eye could push out. . .etc, but I'm more scared about the pain that I'm going to be in afterward.  I'm scared because I really don't know how much pain I'm going to be in. . .is there going to be a lot of blood?  Bruising?  I'm not looking forward to that at all.  I know its supposed to make a lot of things better, like I won't get migrains anymore, and I won't have 6 sinus infections a year, and I'll be able to breath better. . .but I'm still scared.  I'm also not looking forward to be in bed for 10 days with straws up my nose.  I hope I'm all good and back to normal come time for graduation.  Ughhh. . .wish me luck and come visit me when I'm all blahhh

I'll Be There

I want you to know that I'm here.  You can put me away, and hide me in the floor boards if you want.  Or keep me in a secret drawer.  You can bury me beside the old willow tree, or just keep me in your pocket.  But I want you to know when you decide to look for me again, or you feel that you need me, I will be right where you left me.  I may not be the same.  The earth may have changed me, but I will always be there, and I know I will always want to listen.  No, I don't like being pushed aside, but I take it.  I take all the beatings I'm dealt and keep moving.  Why?  Hell if I know.  But I do. . .and regardless I will be here ready and waiting for when you need me, even if you've caused nothing but pain for me.  I will be there.  Comfortable like an old blanket or reliable like a memory.  I'm always there. 

Writers Block

I'm suffering from writers block.  Thats why I haven't been blogging that much lately.  I come up with decent ideas but I don't know how to word them right. . .and I don't feel very inspired at the moment.  I want to write about the weather and how beautiful it is. . .but the words don't come so all I can say is "hey look. . .its nice out."  I want to talk about how you make me feel, but you make me feel so many different emotions that if I tried to explain it. . .I would just be rambling.  I want to talk about how other people act, but I think I would offend people.  I want to tell you of the various thoughts that run through my head. . .but they move so fast that I can't catch them.  I just lack the words to descrive all of these things in an eloquent manner.  I hate writers block.  Some body send me some inspiration. 

If My Heart Was a House - Owl City ♥

You're the sky that I fell through
And I remember the view
Whenever I'm holding you
The sun hung from a string
Looking down on the world as it warms over everything
Chills run down my spine
As our fingers entwine
And your sighs harmonize with mine
Unmistakably
I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me
We got older and I should've known (Do you feel alive?)
That I'd feel colder when I walk alone (Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home

It makes me smile because you said it best
I would clearly feel blessed if the sun rose up from the west
Flower balm perfume, all my clothes smell like you
Cause your favorite shade is navy blue
I walk slowly when I'm on my own (Do you feel alive?)
Yeah, but frankly I still feel alone (Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home

If my heart was a house you'd be home

Oh Who Knows

I hate it, I get inspired during the day about something really good that I want to write about on my blog and then when I sit down to write it I FORGET!! I had a great something I wanted to write about maturity and holding grudges and life. . .but I lost it!  All I can say is life is too short to hold grudges so give it up.  It takes too much of your own energy and only frustrates you more.  Thats just me.  I don't hold grudges.  Life is too short for me to worry that much about someone.  I tell them what I have to say and then I move on.  I think its immature to keep bringing things up and holding on to things so that the other person can't move on either.  Is that person really that important that you can't let it go?  If I really don't want anything to do with someone. . .I just let them go.  I'll always be civil just because of who I am. . .but I can't hold a grudge.  I don't remember all the metaphores and what not I was going to use for this. . .but I think that was the basic message.  Sorry it isn't pretty lol. 

Dear Teanna

This is a blog dedicated to my sister Teanna.

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY OLD WOMAN!!!! ♥♥♥♥


The End

PowerLifting :)

I went with Kyle this weekend to his Powerlifting competition. . .it was interesting.  I loved spending time with Kyle, we talked and laughed a lot and had fun.  The competion was 9 hours long and it was just a bunch of muscular men lifting heavy stuff lol.  I enjoyed watching it, I was interested.  I'm not sure if fun is the word to describe the competion because I sat in a very uncomfortable chair for 9 hours watching men break blood vessels in their heads lol but I enjoyed myself.  I was a little upset that Kyle didn't introduce me to his friends at all. . .but whatever.  The competition was in Johnston Rhode Island and it was a 4 hour drive to get there.  It was a very pretty drive and it was filled with polka music and long conversations.  Thank you Kyle for taking me with you ♥♥♥