Are You Prince Charming?

So every since my "Knight in Shining Armor" walked into the sunset with his old cow in the place of a horse I've been in search of my Prince Charming :) Well I've been out with 3 possible men who have proved to be frogs even after I kissed them, that my have changed. . .last night I met this guy. . .a real gentleman.  He more than swept me off my feet within a few moments and left me floating on cloud nine for the remainder of the evening.  We went out again today and once again he took my breath away and left me speechless.  You know that forward that all of us girls get saying "wait for the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot" and all that bs. . .he's kinda like that.  He must have told me I was beautiful at least a hundred times since we met last night.  He makes me smile, and I feel so at ease with him.  Conversation comes easy and we have a lot in common.  Our birthdays are on the same day and we might even be going to the same college in the fall.  Is he the Prince Charming I've been waiting for to ride off into the sunset with???  I guess we will just have to wait and find out.  Until then. . .I'm smiling :)

Pictures of Me

As I have said before, when I get bored ^ this is what I do lol.  I am extremely vain at times and I love taking my picture :) so here, this is what I did I think it was last week, perhaps the week before when I was getting ready for a date. 

College III

Well I went to go visit Oneonta the other day and I like it.  It was a nice school and my mom and I can both see me going there.  Best part of all. . .theres a strip club in town that my mother told me I could work that.  Thanks mom for being so supportive :) lol no but really, the school was nice.  The only thing I don't like is that I can't have my car there until I'm a junior. . .wtf am I supposed to do with my car in the mean time??  I also wish that they had a football team. . .I like watching the games.  Other than that I'm excited.  They have sororities and bars all over the place.  The campus was nice, it has trees, grass, flowers, and a pond unlike some of the other SUNY schools (albany) lol  Its pretty much set in stone thats where I'm going, but I'll keep you updated. :)

Alice In Wonderland

I have mixed feelings about this movie.  It had potential to be great, and I loved the characters, but in my opinion it was underdeveloped.  I think the movie was too short and a lot more could have happened to make it more interesting.  It was okay, I was expecting so much more and I am such a big fan of Tim Burton and honestly. . .I wasn't all that impressed.  The graphics were great in 3D (haha :)) and the characters were amazing. . .but the movie itself. . .meh.

The Pillars of the Earth

This was an amazing book and I highly suggest it for anyone.  I am currently reading the sequal.  There is soo much to this book that, I think, anyone could get into it.  There is romance, war, tradgedy, religion, everything.  It was great.  Its a long read, just short of 1000 pages, but I loved every page. 

I am Human

Have you ever pricked your finger with a needle?  Burned yourself on a hot pan?  What does it feel like?  It hurts doesn't it?  Did you know. . .that it hurts me too?  Have you ever been afraid of the dark?  Or woken up from a nightmare and were afraid?  Did you kno. . .that those things scare me too?  Has anyone ever said something hurtful, or made some rude remark?  How did you feel?  Yeah. . .it makes me sad too.  Have you ever been out with friends laughing, singing, telling jokes?  Did you know. . .that I do those things too?  Have you ever smiled?  Cried?  Laughed?  Screamed into a pillow?  Sang in the shower?  Yeah. . .me too.  I am a human. . .I bleed when poked.  I get scars when cut deep or burned.  I cry when I'm afraid or sad or heartbroken.  I walk with my head down when someone stabs me in the back or offends me.  I yell when I get angry.  I laugh when someone says something funny.  I smile at babies and cute animals.  I try to help other people when they need me.  I care about other people, especially friends and family, but not only because people in general matter to me.  I am human just like you.  The same things that make you bleed, make me bleed.  The same things that make you laugh, make me laugh.  The same emotions you feel. . .I feel.  So put yourself in my shoes, and I will try to do the same.  We are human.  Different. . .but the same. 

You're so Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About You

I just want to clarify something.  I understand there could easily be some confusion about the last post that I wrote.  That post. . .Yeah. . .it WAS NOT about Tim.  It was about an ex, but it was not about that ex.  So that should fix some confusion.  I don't want Tim back. . .I'm much more content being single than being in a relationship with someone in the military.  I hold nothing against him and no hard feelings, but I don't want that back.  So yeah. . .just to clarify.  I'm in love with someone else and it took me this long to realize my mistake and to admit my feelings.  I love you. . .and you know who you are. 

A Moment Too Late

I was a moment too late when I realized that you were the best thing that had ever happened to me.  I realized after i pushed you away. . .after I convinced myself that you weren't as special as you truely were.  I realized after I left gashes in your heart with a razor.  I realized after I left you bleeding on the floor.  Then someone else came, cleaned you up, and brought you home.  I was a moment too late when I realized that I loved you more than anything.  I was a moment too late when I realized you were gone. . .forever. . .That you were my life. . .and my air. . .and now i'm drounding in my mistakes.  I'm sorry.  I don't mean to cry.  I don't mean to tell you this now. . .after its already too late, but if I dont say it now it will never get said.  I loved you, and I still do.  You took care of me, and you loved me, and you treated me like I was something special.  I gave that up. . .why??  because i'm stupid?  because I was scared?  I don't know why. . .but I did.  Now its a moment too late and I can't take it back.  All I can do is hope that someday I will get another chance to make it right.  All I can do it hope and pray.

Creature of the Night II

He lurks in the woods.  When he is sure no one can see him, he comes out.  He hids in the dirt.  Under pine cones.  Swarmed by ticks and crickets.  He hides.  Waiting.  He waits for me in the woods.  Under the trees and the moss.  While the rain drizzles down.  He waits.  He waits for me to turn around before he will make his move.  I know he is there.  I feel him.  I anticipate his every move, but I'm still surprised when he does.  Yes. . .he is my creature of the night.  You never turn your back on the creature of night.  I still have my wounds.  He is sure to leave his mark, he always leaves you aching.  But I love him.  I love him because our meetings are rare.  Because he hugs me and holds me tight.  Because he tells me every night that it will be okay.  Because he loves me in the purest and most sincere way possible.  But, like every fictional character, it can never be.  He lives his life in the fairytale and fantasy of my mind. . .but no where else.  So I sit here...yearning, desiring, longing. . .for my creature of the night. . .until I fall asleep and dream. 

Unnamed Emotion

It's an unnamed emotion brewing in my chest.
My heart feels like its moving in styrofoam.
My lungs feel like cling wrap.
My stomach just went on a rollercoaster.
And my head. . .oh my head. . .Its like a never ending nightmare.
My shoulders and chest are heavy.
And my eyes are always damp.
Is the world spinning around me?  It feels that way.
My skin feels creepy crawly, do you know what I mean?
And when I exhale, It feels like I've been holding my breath for an eternity.
Have you felt this emotion?  This unnamed emotion?
Where you always feel like crying, but you're too ashaimed to cry?
You can't get enough air to really breath.
Every movement feels wrong, and uncomfortable?
How long does it last? 
When will it all ware off?
Will it be like this forever? 
I just want to breath.