Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My "Dad"

My dad called last night. . .the real one.  Not the one that adopted me, but the one that gave me up.  The one that cared more about his drugs and girlfriends than his daughter.  Yeah. . .that one called me last night.  He called to ask me about college, graduation, and my surgery.  He told me he would do anything he could to help me out financially with college, and gave me his number so that if I needed something I could call him.  He told me he wished I was going to school down there, and told me that when I come down in July he is going to give me money for graduation.  He said he was proud of me for graduating and continuing my education.  Then. . .as he said goodbye. . .he told me "daddy loves you."  After getting off the phone with him I couldn't help but cry.  This is the man that couldn't bother to call me on my birthday or hug me when I came to visit.  This is the man that never had enough time for me.  This is the man that never gave a damn about me.  I got adopted less than a year ago by my step father because this man was never EVER my father.  Why the hell does he care now?  Why is he doing all of this and saying all of this now?  Now that I'm no longer his daughter he calls me and tells me "daddy loves you."  I broke down not because I was angry, or happy, or sad. . .or anything.  I was confused.  He made my head spin and the only way I knew how to react was to break down and cry. . .and then I got "squished" but. . .it hurts.  I'm 18 years old and I'm adopted. . .and now my dad decides to show affection and take responsibility for me. . .WTF?

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