Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Panic Attacks

I've been having a lot of panic attacks lately.  I've had them for years, but they're pretty rare.  I usually have them at night after a nightmare, but not that often.  I used to have them like once a month but lately they have been less and less until recently.  Recently I've had them a lot more and they've been a lot worse and I feel different when I have them.   I had one the other day when I was with Ryan.  I started feeling really weird and panicky when we were shopping and it got worse when we went to the car wash and were driving home.  I don't know what happened or why I felt that way.  Ryan is a really REALLY really safe driver so I know it wasn't that. . .I just felt really weird.  I felt so anxious and my heart started to race, and I started to get all hot, and I just didn't feel right at all.  Then I had one the next morning when I was having my breakfast. . .there was nothing out of the ordinary to bring it on. . .I just had one.  I don't really like talking about my panic attacks. . .like what I think about, how I calm myself down, possible ways of fixing them.  I don't care if people know that I have them, but I don't want people to see me have one. . .and I don't want to talk about it.  I'm kind of embarrassed by them, and I'm not sure why.  I don't know why I feel this way about them. . .I can tell you about them on here, and tell you I had one. . .but I get upset when people try to suggest ways of fixing them. . .I'm not sure why.  I'm really scared of having another one at school, its happened a few times before, but I hate it when other people see me have them. 

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