Tuesday, September 15, 2009


First I would like to say that posting on my blog has changed. . .and I'm not sure why. I'm not sure if it will look different to you but it looks different to me. The font and all that is changed and even my setup is different. . .anyways, sorry for my bout of ADD there. This blog is about choices. As I am getting older I am forced to make a lot of my own choices like not only what to wear today, but what do I want to do with the rest of my life? Who do I want to be friends with? Where do I want to go to college? Where do I want to live? Who do I want to be with? Who am I? I am faced every day with more and more choices that I have to make and a lot of them will effect the rest of my life. I'm doing the best I can to foresee the future out comes of all my decisions, but its not easy. (Especially because my frontal lobe isn't developed) I understand that with each decision comes a consequence, and those consequences can be both good and/or bad. I have made decisions which have had both types of consequences and some of the decisions I have made I am not proud of, but I don't really regret any of them because they have lead me to where I am now and I'm happy with that. Some decisions I am being faced with now are difficult for me to deal with. What if every choice I am given, no matter what I choose, hurts someone in someway. What if, even though I'm okay and I'm happy, someone else isn't. Or what if I make everyone else happy, but I'm not. What do I do there? The last thing I want to do is upset someone or hurt someone. I know what pain feels like, I've been hurt a lot in my life time and if I can save someone from feeling any sort of pain I will. I'm sorry for being so vague, I just can't really go into detail at the present time. What I'm saying though, is that no matter what, at some point we all have to make decisions that are going to hurt someone, whether it be you or someone around you. For example, when I made my decision to have Gary adopt me, my fathers parents (my grandparents) we're upset by this decision. I still feel that I made the right decision, but I did have to deal with the consequences and they weren't so nice. There was no way of avoiding that. I try to think before every decision I make, but some times, when things get to be too much, I choose to play it safe. I make decisions that just make everything easier even if they're not the best. Is that wrong? How do you know if you've made a wrong decision if someone, somewhere benefits? Have you made a wrong decision if no one benefits? Is it a right decision if everyone around you is happy when you aren't? This goes back to what is right and what is wrong. What if I feel like I am doing some thing right, and so do other people, but the people surrounding me that are most involved in my life believe its wrong. . .is it really wrong? I honestly hate it when I don't have the support from my friends and family. I've had to deal with that with my choices in religion and my beliefs, my support of gay marriage and their rights, my self expression, and the guys that I have dated. I feel very strongly about certain things such as my religion and I know that a lot of people disagree with me, but I do feel that it is the right decision. How do I know if it really is? Is believing in myself enough? I will leave it at that and let you ponder a bit. This is just something that was running through my mind today while walking through the halls of high school. This is my last year there so I have a lot of decisions facing me right now.

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