Inside Joke With Matt And Kaylea

Mood: Content and Flirt (Trying to remember to do this at the start of my posts lol)

Weather:  Windy. . .very windy

The Truth

I want to be completely honest about something.  First I was completely honest with myself. . .now I want to share it.  Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend.  We were young and dumb, but I thought I knew it all.  I thought because I had more experience than him that I knew what I was doing, and it was my job to teach him.  I thought I understood relationships inside and out.  I thought I knew what it meant to be a a "good" girlfriend and/or boyfriend.  I was wrong.  I was very wrong.  Looking back I was a terrible girlfriend to him, and he was an amazing boyfriend.  At the time, I didn't see it.  I didn't realize how special and rare he was.  I also didn't realize how shitty of a girlfriend I was being and took advantage of him.  You never realize what you have until its gone, and its too late.  No one is perfect, but that is no justification.  I didn't open my eyes until it was too late. . .and then when we broke up I hurt him really bad.  I don't want to go into detail because that is something quite personal, but I did something to him to intentionally hurt him.  To this day I don't know why, and I feel so guilty, but I can't take it back.  I broke his heart in ways I can't even understand, and I was malicious about it.  I'm not that type of person now, and I wasn't then either.  I don't know why, or what came over me at the time, but all I can say is I regret it very much and I am very sorry.  Not only did I hurt someone that I love but I lost my bestfriend.  He remained my friend for a while even after I did what I did, but then one day he decided he was going to hate me for the rest of his life.  No apology will every fix what I did, and there is no way for me to show it. . .he won't let me and I can't really say that I blame him.  He will never see this blog, but its here.  I'm not posting it as another attempt at an apology, I'm posting it to say I didn't open my eyes.  I thought I knew it all. . .when I didn't.  I was an ass hole, a shitty girlfriend, I was selfish, and I lost probably the best person I ever had in my life. . .and I don't even know why I acted and did the things I did.  Pretty stupid huh?  Again, I'm not doing it as an apology, this is my advice to you. . .communicate with everyone you love, be honest with yourself and each other, live and love like each day is your last because you could lose them.  Tomorrow they could be gone for good, and they'll never really know how you actually felt.  They'll never know how sorry you really are.  They'll never know how much of an ass you feel like.  They'll never know the empty space in your heart and life that has grown now that they are gone and its all because you didn't do something as simple as show them how you really feel and make damn sure they know it.  If I could turn back time I would have done a lot of things differently, but I can't.  So please, take my advice and I'll try to do the same.  To live and love like today is my last, you don't get second chances...
And if you are reading this by some crazy chance, I am so sorry.  I was wrong in so many ways. 



-All by Myself by Eric Carmen (I did not make this video)

A Quote

“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.” - Corinthins something something, its some where in the bible :P

I'm hardly a religious person, I'm very very spiritual and I have a lot of beliefs, but I'm not religious. . .I just love this quote and it says a lot to me.  Hope you like it too :)

My Garden :)

Well this is my new hobbie, there isn't much to say because I think you can pretty much see how I did everything from the pictures.  I covered the cap area of the bottle with tape and then poked small holes in the bottom so the water could leak out into the bottom part of the bottle, this was actually my little sister's idea (she's so damn smart).  I now have 12 sprouts and its only been a few days :) these babies are growing fast. 

E.T - Katy Perry (feat. Kanye West)

Mood:  Blah

Weather: I think its nice out

I got a dirty mind
I got filthy ways
I’m tryna Bath my Ape in your Milky Way
I’m a legend, I’m irreverent
I be reverand
I be so fa-a-ar up, we don’t give a f-f-f-f-ck
Welcome to the danger zone
Step into the fantasy
You are not invited to the otherside of sanity
They calling me an alien
A big headed astronaut
Maybe it’s because your boy Yeezy get ass a lot

You’re so hypnotizing
Could you be the devil
Could you be an angel

Your touch magnetizing
Feels like I am floating
Leaves my body glowing

They say be afraid
You’re not like the others
Futuristic lover
Different DNA
They don’t understand you

Your from a whole other world
A different dimension
You open my eyes
And I’m ready to go
Lead me into the light

Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison

Take me, ta-ta-take me
Wanna be a victim
Ready for abduction

Boy, you’re an alien
Your touch so foreign
It’s supernatural
Extraterrestrial

Your so supersonic
Wanna feel your powers
Stun me with your lasers
Your kiss is cosmic
Every move is magic

Your from a whole other world
A different dimension
You open my eyes
And I’m ready to go
Lead me into the light

Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison

Take me, ta-ta-take me
Wanna be a victim
Ready for abduction

Boy, you’re an alien
Your touch so foreign
It’s supernatural
Extraterrestrial

I know a bar out in Mars
Where they driving spaceships instead of cars
Cop a Prada spacesuit about the stars
Getting stupid ass straight out the jar
Pockets on Shrek, Rockets on deck
Tell me what’s next, alien sex
I’ma disrobe you, than I’mma probe you
See I abducted you, so I tell ya what to do
I tell ya what to do, what to do, what to do

Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison

Take me, ta-ta-take me
Wanna be a victim
Ready for abduction

Boy, you’re an alien
Your touch so foreign
It’s supernatural
Extraterrestrial

Extraterrestrial
Extraterrestrial

Boy, you’re an alien
Your touch so foreign
It’s supernatural
Extraterrestrial



College: FMCC Edition Part VI

Mood: Dangerously Depressed

Weather: Snowy. . .fml

Well I got the worst news I could possibly get the osther day. . .I wasn't accepted into the nursing program at FMCC.  I had really been planning on being accepted, everyone around me was like "how couldn't you get accepted."  Well. . .I wasn't.  I don't know why I wasn't, they didn't say on the rejection letter.  I have good grades, but I think it was because they can only admit a certain number of students and its more than likely first come first serve.  But I don't know that for sure.  So my world came crashing down because of a piece of paper.  All of my plans and goals were based off of my acceptance, that was step one. . .everything went out the window.  I could no longer see more than 2 inches in front of me, I had no idea what I was going to do.  I broke down.  People kept telling me "its not the end of the world, its going to be okay."  No one really understands. . .that was the end of my world.  My future, my plans, my everything disappeared in a split second and I was supposed to be okay.  It was the end of the world, that world is gone.  Almost all the schools in the area only accept people into the program in the fall, so no matter where I went I would be waiting another year just to see if I'm accepted or not. . .I don't want to waste that much time only to be rejected again.  Not to mention its almost impossible for me to go to another school.  I commute to FMCC because my mom works like up the road so she just brings me to and from school everyday, I don't have a vehicle right now to drive myself somewhere.  Not to mention, I can't handle living on a college campus again.  I hate living with thousands of kids my age in a small building where you can't get away.  Not happening again.  Not to mention I've already transferred once, I'd rather not do it again, not after only one semester anyways.  So pretty much my only option is to find something else to do, and start building up my future again from scratch.  So yes, it was the end of the world, I have to start a new one to be destroyed.  I'm so depressed and miserable about this.  I already feel so shitty about going to FMCC.  I mean, I am happier there, I like the people better, and I'm doing well. . .but I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to a community college. . .I never wanted to be in a community college, I wanted to go to an Ivy league school, a private school, or at the very least a state school. . .but I'm at a community college with a 28% graduation rate and a day care, where most students didn't even graduate high school but got their GED.  It just kinda makes me feel bad about myself.  I don't think poorly about the people that go there, I had just always seen better for myself.  Its not a bad thing to go there. . .it just was for me.  Now I feel even worse because I'm at said community college and I can't even get into a program there. . .I just feel so shitty.  I still don't know what I'm going to do.  I'm a mess.  I feel like I'm drowning and I can't get my head above water.  I'm struggling, and trying to stay afloat, and I'm screaming but no one will come to help me.  What do you do?  If I keep fighting eventually I'm going to become too exausted and the water is just going to take me under. . .and if I don't fight, the water is still going to take me.  Either way I lose.  I just want to give up.  I don't see much for my future anymore, like I said. . .I can only see about 2 inches in front of myself and I don't like being in the dark.  Idk. . .

Out With The Old, In With The New

Mood: Quite miserable actually, but I'll try to be chipper for the post

Weather: Sunny, but kinda chilly

So I'm really not sure why, but I've really been in the mood for change, and by change I mean of myself and my style.  It started with getting my nose pierced and its just gone from there.  I got my lip pierced, then I got my nails done, then I got reddish high lights in my hair with a purple streak. . .enough of me talking, bring on the pictures!

so you can't see the purple streak in there very well, but its definately there.  I swear I'm done with piercings!  My lip is the last one, now onto tattoos!

Got My Nose Piercing :)

Mood: Content

Weather: Another freaking snow storm

So I got my nose pierced Saturday, I was going to have my friend Jay do it but he took too long haha. (sorry Jay <3) Anyways, I went to Twisted Ink in Cobleskill and I HIGHLY recommend them. Their shop was very clean and they were very professional. The guy explained that the needles and equipment were all one-time use and then disposed except for the clamps which always go though a 5 step sterilization process. Then he explained exactly what he was going to do. It barely hurt at all and he did a wonderful job, I'm so happy. I know I said my tongue would be my last piercing, and then I said my nose would be. . .but now I'm thinking about getting my lip done. Oh well, I like it :)

UPDATE: Stressful Day

Mood: hard to explain

Weather: Beautiful today :) the snow is melting!!!

Well I just wanted to let everyone know that I did in fact get everything worked out.  I was able to drop my english class without a problem, and switch into the Sociology class that I had been attending the whole time.  I had to go see the dean and she signed my papers without any problems at all.  That is a big relief off of my chest :) Just thought I would give an update on how that all went down. 

Stressful Day

Mood: Content

Weather: Won't freakin' warm up yet

So today started out as a pleasant, normal day.  I went to college this afternoon, got an 85 of my bar and beverage management test, was the only person to participate in my psychology class, flirted with a certain someone ;) and went home to study until my Anatomy and Physiology test that I had tonight.  Well I was home for about an hour before my parents got home and brought the mail, I had two letters from FMCC.  The first one I opened informed me that I had gotten all the english credits done in high school and I was no longer required to take english, so I had to go see an advisor to, once again, drop the english class I was in.  I was quite happy about that because I don't especially like my english class and its really my only source of homework.  The only thing that upset me was that I had just finished writing my paper that was due thrusday for that class. . .what a waste lol.  Then I opened the other letter.  It was informing me that I was failing a class because of attendance, mind you I haven't missed a day of school yet this semester so I was very confused and concerned.  Well it turns out I've been attending the wrong class so far this semester.  Somehow on the first day when I had to check this bulletin board if any of my classrooms had changed I somehow got the class room wrong but ended up in the same class, at the same time, just with a different professor.  So I immediately drove to the college to try to get everything straightened out.  I was able to drop my english class no problem and they told me I should be able to just switch into the class I've been attending without a problem but the advisor had to get in contact with my professor and the dean so I'll find out more about that tomorrow.  So that relieved a lot of my stress but by the time that was all done I didn't really have any time to study for my test.  It was 90 questions of hell, half were easy and I know I got them right where the other half were quite hard and I'm unsure, I should also get my grade for that tomorrow as well as my sociology test I took last week.  What a day, at least its over and I can go back to flirting with that certain someone.  Peace and Love all.