Tuesday, November 9, 2010

It's A Long Story. . .

So, since Tim and I split up back in March I've been having a little problem.  I've been dating a lot trying to find Mr. Right and when I say a lot, I mean a lot.  The guys I went out with were either extremely socially awkward, just trying to get in my pants, boring, weren't interested in me, or the biggest problem. . .even if I should have liked them, I didn't.  After Tim and I split up I found myself pretty much incapable of having feelings for the guys I went out with.  Even if things went well and I should have liked them and had butterflies. . .I didn't.  It upset me.  Tim and I continued to talk and be friends after we split up, but we had a strange friendship.  There were still a lot of feelings there, which I guess is understandable considering we were engaged and broke up because of a series of misunderstandings.  I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but he got married to a woman he knew for about a month just before he got shipped to Afghanistan. . .so we were friends and talking, but he's married.  I think it was about two weeks ago I was talking to Tim and I told him that our friendship was unhealthy and we shouldn't continue because 1) he's married and I'm sure she wouldn't approve 2) I couldn't move on while having that sort of relationship with him.  It hurt like hell to say goodbye, and of course I cried, but the next day. . .I felt like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders.  I don't dislike Tim in any way, shape, or form.  I still consider him my friend.  I just couldn't continue like that, our friendship was doing me more harm than good emotionally and was keeping me from moving on.  So I knew I had made the right decision in sort of ending our communications because I felt so good about it, but I was and still am petrified that something is going to happen to him while he is in Afghanistan and I'm going to regret my decision for the rest of my life.  Anyways it was only days after I told Tim goodbye that I met Marcin. . .and for the first time since March I had butterflies.  I'm not sure if its because Marcin is a very special guy, or if its because I was finally able to cut ties with Tim and I. . .I like to think its a little of both because Marcin is definately special. 

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