:( (:

Well, the lady from probation for the adoption never showed up.  My entire family was not very happy.  My mother took the day off of work to clean the house and be all ready for her and we've all been waiting for this for quite some time.  She was the one that made this appointment, and this is her job.  I'm not sure what my parents are going to do about it, but I'm not happy.  This was one more step into making the adoption complete and it didn't happen.  I had been waiting for her all day, she was supposed to come at 7PM and 7 came and went.  My parents sat there waiting while I made the video posted below. . .they waited and waited.  I'm just not very happy about it.  This was really important *sigh*

Well I showed Chris the video I made yesterday and he LOVED it.  I was actually some what upset with him when I made it because I simply asked him to send me a message before he left to do some shopping.  He doesn't have a cell phone right now so the only way we can communicate is online.  I don't ask much of him, just to send me a few messages.  I'm having a hard time adjusting to him not being here, and its going to take me a while.  Right now, I'm really struggling and all I ask is that he message me when I ask him to.  But I made the video because I missed him and when he got back into the room I asked him if he had 5 minutes to see the surprise I had for him.  He said that I had to wait 5 minutes because his RA was doing a room check.  Well of course that 5 minutes turned into 25.  I had worked on the video for 2 hours and all I wanted to do is show him.  I am also not a very patient person so this only frustrated me more, but I didn't let him see that.  I know its not his fault.  He is very busy right now trying to get everything worked out for college and get everything he needs and its not his fault his cell phone broke, but sometimes he just doesn't make it any easier.  Like when I asked him what time his first class was today and he said 8 this morning, so I said "ok, just please please message me before you leave." and he said ok.  Well I woke up around 8:30 and of course. . .no messages.  So I sent him a message and a few minutes later he sent one back.  He messed up, his classes didn't start until 9 so he hadn't left yet.  So fine, I didn't have a reason to be upset there, and I wasn't after he explained it to me, but honestly I don't think he was going to remember to message me anyways.  Its just really frustrating right now.  I'm trying to do all I can to show him how much I love him with my blogs and my videos, and I know they make him happy but I don't get the responses I'm looking for because well. . .they're all on AIM. 

On the upside, Chris comes home today!!! He promised to come home this wednesday because I've been missing him so much.  His classes end early today and don't start until late tomorrow.  We also want to try to see our other friend that leaves tomorrow for college.  I'm glad I get to see him, I want nothing more than to be in his arms and kiss him as much as possible.  Hopefully now I will get the responses I've been looking for to my blogs and videos.  I just want him to say thank you, tell me he loves me, and hold me tightly in his arms.  Thats all I want.  I've missed being in his arms very much, especially at night.  I know I've already said this but I really do miss him tucking me into bed at night.  So I'm excited that he will get to do that tonight and I'm excited that I get to see him.

Another Video I made ♥

Once again, I was bored, sad, and lonely because I'm home and Chris is in college so I used that hour and a half, which turned into 2 hours to make this. 

Adoption :D

Well, something I neglected to mention earlier is that I'm being adopted by my step dad.  My mother and real father got married when I was three and got divorced just a few months later.  He was in and out of my childhood and I was very confused.  I don't really have a lot of good memories of him.  I do remember him smoking pot in front of me when I was just a toddler, and being excited whenever he came back home.  I remember when my mom kicked him out, I remember that as if it was yesterday.  I was sitting on the couch in the living room and watching some television.  My mother and father were in the next room which was the dining room fighting.  I could see them clearly from where I was because there was no door between the rooms, just an arch-like-opening.  I had just woken up from my nap and my mother was covered in bruises.  My dad did a lot of drugs and my mother got sick of it so she flushed them down the toilet.  When my father found out he came home and beat her.  I remember them arguing and my mother telling him to get out and it was over.  I was very confused and I started to cry and hid my face in a pillow.  Someone tried to move the pillow from my face, I assume it was my mother, but they didn't succeed.  When I was 5 my mother met my step father, Gary.  They were both corrections officers for the county.  Gary had gotten two tickets to a concert and needed someone to go with and everyone there suggested he ask out my mother, but they weren't sure if she was with someone or not because she seemed so content.  But he asked her anyway and she said yes.  They went out a few times before the concert to get to know each other, before long he started staying the night, and then several nights because my mothers house was closer to where they both worked than his house.  Then he moved it and a 2 years later my mother got pregnant with my little sister, and then another 2 years passed and she got pregnant with my little brother.  I didn't like him very much when I was younger because I was very confused.  Although I didn't have much of a relationship with my father who lived in Georgia, I still considered him my father like any young child would.  I visited him and the rest of my family down there about once a year.  He didn't really have much to do with me.  Then when I was 9 we moved from our house to Garys house which is where we still live now.   They got married when I was 10 and I was the maid of honor.  Right before I turned 16 was when I asked Gary to adopt me, I actually asked him when we were fighting.  I don't really remember what we were fighting about, but he brought up something about me not liking him and thats when I said, "don't like you? Gary I want you to adopt me!" He was blown away and he said he would adopt me in a heartbeat.  Well that Heartbeat has taken over a year and a half, but we're nearing the end of the very long process.  Today we have a home visit from probation.  They come and see our home and ask me and my family questions about our relationship and what not.  I think its funny because I still live with my mother and Gary has raised me since I was 5 years old, but its their policy.  I'll keep you updated and whats to come, but soon we will have court dates and I will get my last name changed.  Wish me luck :D

*sigh*

Well, I'm really sad, bored, and lonely right now so I'm posting yet another blog today.  My boyfriend started his college classes today so I didn't get to talk to him until like 4:00 PM and I haven't spoken to him since and it is now after 9:00 PM.  I am so not used to this, I'm used to seeing him every day.  He would come over every morning and leave at like midnight.  It sucks even more that his cell phone is broken so the only way I can talk to him is when he is online (which he never is).  I just got on the computer and saw that he was online so I sent him a message and just as I did, he signed off.  It said that he had been online for 12 mintues so I don't know why he didn't send me a message.  It upsets me that he didn't, he knows I've been missing him like hell.  I may be clingly and needy right now, but we've been together for almost 9 months so I'm allowed to be sometimes.  I'm having a hard time adjusting to this and he's not really making it easier.  I know its not his fault, but idk. . .I think he could make an effort to talk to me a little more.  I know its going to get easier once I get used to this, but right now I'm struggling with it.  I miss him soooooooo much.  I can't wait until he gets another cell phone so I can at least text him and hear his voice at night.  I'm used to him tucking me in at night. . .I don't get that anymore except on weekends.  Is it friday yet??  He is coming home wednesday this week because his classes end early and start late on thursday.  He knows that I miss him so he's going to come home to see me and spend some time with me.  Friday we're going to the state fair, I really hope it doesn't rain.  *sigh* Bored. . .sad. . .lonely.  I'm ranting and going around in circles, oh well.  I just hope I can talk to him before I go to bed.  I only got to talk to him for a few minutes today. . .I don't want to go to bed without talking to him for a little bit and hearing how his day went. . . :(

UFO's

Find more videos like this on Starseeds.Net





^ this is the first of 9 videos like this.  If you're interested go to youtube or google and type in fastwalkers. 

If anyone is interested in this sort of thing and wants to know more google quantum communications (really interesting stuff), UFO's, and once again check out the starseeds website that I have posted elsewhere.  Also http://www.theblackvault.com/ has some interesting stuff on there also.  The information is there, you just have to look.

Starseeds

This video is very true.  When I was little I loved astrology.  I had books and even a little telescope.  The stars, planets, and the universe itself intrigued me so much.  I never felt like I fit in completely here and I have always wondered what my true purpose was.  I found out later that my purpose is to help people and to guide them.  I'm here to guide people while the earth changes and moves into the 5th dimension.  I'm here to save lives.  My dreams have often come true and I do always see things in people that most others don't see.  I cannot hear other peoples thoughts however, but I think instead people can hear mine in a way.  I do believe that my little sister can hear thoughts. 






I don't believe that in 2012 the world is going to end completely, instead I believe the world is going to change. When the dinosaur "world" ended, the world didn't end, it changed.  I think something like that is going to happen.  I believe that many will die, but the smart and the strong will survive.  I don't know what is going to happen to me, perhaps I will go back to where I came from.  Perhaps I will die.  Perhaps I will stay here for whatever challenges are to come afterward.  I believe that not only am I a starseed, but I'm also an Indigo which is someone that is here to help and to guide the humans.  I've never been "normal" and I know why.  This doesn't mean that I don't believe in god and what not, I just don't believe in everything the bible teaches.  I believe there is a god, and a higher power, but I'll save that for another blog. 



This I found very interesting when someone from http://www.starseeds.net/ sent me a link to this video.  It gave me chills the entire time while watching it.  I don't know much about it, but I found it very interesting.  There are people and "things" here and elsewhere guiding earth in its transition into the next dimension.  We aren't the first to change, I actually think we may be one of the last ones to do so. 



There isn't much to say about this video, it more or less speaks for itself.  This video also gave me chills and made me tear up and I'm not totally sure why.  This is why I'm here.  How can anyone frown upon something that is so good?



Well I think thats it for now, I will probably add more videos and information on this later, but if you're interested or if you feel some what compelled to know more I have provided a link for starseeds in this blog and it is also located on the right hand side of my page just scroll down a little.  Also, if you have time google 2012, 11:11, niberu, starseeds, rainbow warriors, indigos, dark sea scrolls.  I'm still learning myself but everytime I read something new I feel like I've already known a lot of it.  Sometimes I don't believe certain things, like the last video I posted I believe there is some truth in it but idk. . .I didn't have the same reaction to that one as I did the others until the very end. 

All About Chris :D (pix)

He really didn't just wake up. . .He just looks like that sometimes lol

Chris dancing. . .enough said. . .lol ♥

This was at prom, prom really sucked, but thats a story for another day.

I threw this in here because this was a picture from our first date

I love him.  He is so beautiful. ♥♥♥

The Visit

Today I visited my boyfriend (chris) at college.  He goes to SunyIT in Utica which is about 45 minutes from me.  In order to get there I had to take I-90 then I-790 then Rt 49, and it was just a whole lot of confusing.  I drove there by myself for the first time and let me just say, I didn't like it one bit.  I ended up getting off the wrong exit and ending up in downtown Utica, which I've been before because I go through there to get to the mall, but it just wasn't fun getting lost.  I drove around for like 5 mins and then asked directions.  I ended up going past the street he told me to turn on so I had to turn around and it was just hell, but I managed to find my way there any how.  I enjoyed my time there with him.  We layed in his tiny college bed and talked and kissed alot :D, and talked to his roommates, I like all but one of them.  The one I don't like. . .I really don't like.  He's one of those guys that thinks he knows everything and that he's gods gift to humanity. . .ya.  I haven't gotten along with him since before I met him, but the rest seem very nice.  I haven't met one of them officially, but we'll see.  Tom seems kinda like the guy that really wants to fit in so he will go along with what any one tells him, but I only said like 5 words to him over like 20 minutes so I can't really judge.  The other guy that so far is my favorite is Darling, no thats his name, Darling.  He is little, and has an accent, a spanish accent.  He seems a bit shy, but very nice.  I liked him the best.  But like I said, it was only a brief meeting so I really can't judge just yet.  Chris and I drank cranapple juice and ate popcorn chicken and did what all young couples do :D, I had to hold back tears a lot of the time because it really hit me when I was there how much I miss him.  I also realized that it's never really going to be the same again.  Before he left we were together every day.  He was always in bed with me at night and there to tuck me in, he was there for dinner and he brought me breakfast often.  Those things are all going to change.  The only time he is really going to be here is on weekends on when he doesn't have school.  The rest of the time I'm going to be there and I'm rarely going to go to his house.  Its just all hitting me kind of hard right now, but I will be ok.  He is less than an hour away and I can still see him pretty much when ever I want.  I will miss the privacy and our alone time the most, I cherish that.  But we said our goodbyes and I ignored Paul (the roommate I can't stand) when he said his sarcastic goodbye.  Chris gave me his GPS to help me get home, but I still got lost.  The GPS helped me get back to where I had to be and I got home the rest of the way just fine.  And here I am now. 

The Radio Dan Show

So I have this friend Dan and he does some weird radio show from his house that is online and stuff.  I'm not sure if it's actually on the radio because he lives in Florida and I don't, but I've listened to it a few times and Its not bad.  I'm not sure if he has a particular set up of how he does his shows or if he just wings it, but they're pretty funny.  He reviews movies, and talks about. . .whats on the news and stuff like that.  I've listened to it a few times and I never fell asleep.  His wife Jessica is on there too.  Well anyway, why am I telling you this.  Well my friend Dan made a link of my blog on his blog so I think its only fair that I advertise for his radio show on here to be nice.  So if you have nothing better to do and you want to listen to something funny and usually pretty interesting check out http://www.talkradiox.com/ on saturday through thursday at 8 pm Eastern time. . .I think we're in eastern time lol. . .we're in the east so it makes sense.  On the website theres a chat room, which all of 5 people go in and no one talks to me when I go in there except for Dan while he is doing his show, and other links.  You can also call in and stuff.  Check it out, its pretty cool and Dan Rocks!!!!! 

In memory of Jessica Ashley Canfield ♥

November 6, 2007 my cousin Jessica died. We had grown up together. She was a major part of my earliest memories. She died in a car accident at the age of 16. Her, her friend, and her 11 year old sister were skipping school. It was raining that morning and my cousin was speeding. She over turned and then over corrected and hit a tractor trailor head on. She was driving so fast that the man driving the truck popped out a few disks in his back. My cousin died on impact of a broken neck. . .she had no scratches on her otherwise. Her friend suffered only a broken leg, and my other little cousin was nearly cut in half by the seat belt, she is now paralyzed from the waste down. That was only the second worst day of my life. The first was the funeral. There were so many people there, and when I finally got to her casket I couldn't look at her. I was shaking and crying so hard, I just couldn't. So I didn't say good bye. I kept telling myself I would go up again and say good bye, and right as I was about to they closed the casket. I watched my cousin, who was more like my sister, being closed up in a little box and lowered into the ground. That was the worst day of my life. I will never forget that when I say her mother she hugged me and told me that SHE wished that SHE could take all of MY pain away. . .to this day that still baffles me. My cousin was smart, beautiful, and talented. Everyone that knew her, loved her. Especially me. I lost my sister, my bestfriend, and my cousin. A few weeks after the accident her grandmother sent me her school picture from that year that Jessie had intended to give me, and it was in the car that she had her accident in. On the back it said that she loved me and that I would always be her sister. To me, it was like she was talking to me from the dead. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and remember her. I've gotten through all of that, but it wasn't easy. R.I.P Jessie. I made a youtube video about her if you want to check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bftqSdfne94  I miss my cousin very much, we were raised together.  She really was more like my sister, when we were little we used to say that we were adopted from royalty and we were sisters.  When we were little we did the blood sister ceremony thing where u both cut yourself on ur hand and mix your blood together, we thought it was cool at the time but I look back and realize how silly we were, we had already shared blood because we are related.  Her death has brought some good however, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and it has made me a stronger and more mature individual.  So this one is for her! I love you Jessie.