365 Days

So I guess the Mayan calendar says that we have exactly 365 days until the end of the world. . .apparently a lot of people believe this.  Do I?  Who knows.  I'm still trying to figure out if I actually exist so I'm not sure I'm a reliable reference on beliefs.  I think the weather has been crazy, though its not like this hasn't happened before.  The economy is shit, also. . .happened before.  And every other day some priest is shouting to the heavens that its the end of the world, but the sun still rises and sets the next day.  But some how these ancient people can somehow predict the future, and the end of the world.  365 days. . .How fast did the last 365 days go?  How much happened?  How much changed?  What have you done in the last 365 days that you are proud of?  That you regret?  The world could end in 365 days, it could end tomorrow. . .it could end in a million years.  But if the world was to end, there are things I would like to have done, things I would want to have said. . .and so I think I'm going to try to live this next year like its my last.  Who knows. . .maybe it will be.  If not. . .I have lost nothing  :) Here's to one amazing year, whether it be the end, or just the beginning.  12/21/12. . .here I come :)

Goodbye Chris

Well if you have read my last few blogs you know that Chris and I broke up, things were doing okay with me and him as "friends" but that all went to hell last night.  After sending him the letter that you can read below, which I admit was a bit harsh, but for the things he said to me, I dont think it was that bad.  If he can be honest and tell me how he feels while forgetting my feelings I can do the samething.  After reading it he still messaged me and continued to talk to me.  I was fine with that.  I told him he couldn't hurt me anymore and that he meant nothing to me anymore.  I told him he had destroyed all feelings I had for him, and I had forgiven him for what he did so I had no feelings of anger, saddness, or hate, nor did I have feelings of affection.  I told him I was starting to see some of his true colors and that wasn't the type of guy I wanted to be with or have anything to do with.  He kept asking me why I hated him and why I was saying these things,  I told him that I didn't hate him at all.  I didn't want to be on an emotional rollercoaster anymore.  I didn't want him to keep giving me false hope and toying with my emotions.  I wasn't going to let him be in a position to hurt me anymore, I'm done getting hurt.  He told me that he still wanted to be friends, and I told him i honestly didn't think I wanted to be anymore.  He was shocked, he couldn't believe I had the balls to finally say this.  I've never been able to stand up to anyone like this.  I've never been able to just say I'm done and I don't want anything more to do with you.  All my life I've wanted to stand up to my father, but I was never able to.  I've never been able to really let go of things all that well.  Even when I was a child and I would catch bugs and catterpillers I never wanted anyone to take them away from me.  I wanted to keep them in my jar until they died and then I would cry.  I would cry and throw a fit when someone would try to take something like that away from me.  I'm not sure why I've never been good at letting go, but I let go of Chris.  I do feel a lot better now.  I do appologize if I hurt him, that wasn't my intent.  I may have been a little harsh in the way that I worded certain things, but I think they were all things he needed to hear and he was doing the samething to me.  I can admit when I'm wrong, and he can't without getting really upset about it.  I do feel bad because he was saying that he didn't have any friends or anyone that is there for him, and I was the only person really there, but he pushed me away and I'm not going to be there if he is going to treat me like crap and hurt me.  So I'm sorry Chris if I hurt you at all, that wasn't my intent, but I have moved on and you need to just do the same.  :D