The Journey to Me: My Blog

I'm contemplating deleting this blog. . .no worries.  I plan to start a new blog, perhaps with a slightly different theme.  

Lately, I've been all about letting go of my past and recreating myself into who I want to be.  This hasn't really been entirely easy or fun.  Especially since its still pretty foggy in here.  But I've done a lot of changing: gotten rid of my piercings, moved to cities, changed jobs, deleted facebook, changed my number, etc.  I've had this blog for over two years now.  There is a lot of my in this blog. . .which makes me want to delete it and start over, but it also makes me want to keep it.  So another possibility is that I will "end" this blog, and start another one.  An end to one part of my life, and the start of another. :) Comments are appreciated :) 

The Journey to Me: Religion and Beliefs

Mood: Confused, frustrated

Weather: Absolutely beautiful today! Warm! Felt Like Spring!

I'm sure that all of you know, well any of you that know me or follow my blog, that I am not very good at making decisions at sticking to them.  I've been to two colleges, two majors, not at either right now.  Lets not say how many "boyfriends" over the years :) K?  I may have changed my hair style and color a few times, and even the style of my clothes.  But hey, I'm getting there :) Well. . .another thing I can't seem to figure out and make a decision on is what I believe in.  I want so much to believe in God, and all the heroic stories of Jesus and his disciples.  But its hard for me.  I've expressed my doubts and people told me to read the bible.  Maybe I made a mistake in skipping right to revelations (sorry, I guess patience isn't my strong point either!) but it seemed too much like a science fiction novel.  I'm not trying to offend anyone here by saying this, just sayin'.  I'm just afraid of making the wrong decision.  Especially when apparently they are this important.  I remember hearing about Satan too!! and we sell costumes for him at The Costumer :) . . .Just Sayin'.  Anyways. . .I just have a hard time believing a lot of the things I'm told.  Perhaps part of it, I don't want to believe.  I don't understand how people of different beliefs feel just as strongly about their faith as anyone else, but only their religion is the right one.  Everyone else is wrong?  So because they were taught wrong they are going to hell?  I don't like that.  I don't care.  I just have a lot of problems with the whole religion thing in general.  I'm curious to know, without offending anyone, what do you believe?  Even if you're an atheist I would really love to hear what you believe and why.  If you are comfortable, post a comment below, and it can be anonymous.  Maybe it will help :) 

The Journey To Me: My Body Part II

Just to give you an idea of that video I was telling you about.  (I did not make this video, I found it on youtube)

The Journey To Me: My Body

Mood: Energized

Weather: Probably cold

Something that is very hard to talk about is my body.  I am very self conscious about my appearance to others and a lot of the time I don't feel beautiful because I don't like my body.  I have struggled with my weight all my life and honestly now I think that I felt embarrassed to be dieting and exercising. . .like it meant acknowledging I have a "problem."  But I guess I do.  Not to mention I have asthma so when I did finally decide to run, I couldn't breath after about 5 minutes, which embarrassed me even more.  I didn't make any new years resolutions really, just to make this the best year yet and to have a year worth living.  I've decided I don't want to do it in this body anymore.  So I've decided to start a diet and an exercise program, which are two of my least favorite words!  This morning I got up at 8 (On a Saturday!!!) and found a cardio video on netflix.  Its some Crunch: CardioSalsa video or something like that.  I started out with 10 crunches (wow its been a while) and then did 15 minutes of the video, which was basically me repeating the first 5 minutes 3 times because by that time I could no longer keep up with the synchronized steps.  Jesus, if you thought Latino's talked fast, you should see them salsa O.O  I think I'm going to try to do this every other day for a while and eventually do more and more time.  My goal is to drop 2 pants sizes, and once I do that I will buy myself a gym membership.  I don't want to buy the membership and never go again so this is sort of a way for me to prove to myself I'm serious.  Please wish me luck and I can use all the encouragement, prayers, and luck I can get!  

The Journey to Me: Part II

I want to be:
the hand you grasp when no one else is there
the light in the darkness
the smile on your face
the one that lifts the weight off your shoulders
the shoulder you cry on
the person you trust
the friend you've always needed

I want to be:
Happy
Successful
Loved

Do they offer college courses for that??? 

The Journey to Me

I recently discovered that I don't know what I want to be, who I want to be, or even who I am.  So I made that my mission, to find out all of those things.  But where to start?  Well I took a few online tests, they all told me I should be either a counselor or work in business. . .well I decided I didn't want to be in school until I'm in my 30's working on my doctorate, but business has been a possibility for a while now.  I also started making some goals for myself, such as: transfer to SCCC, get my associates degree, get a better job, etc.  If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to comment. . .at this point I need all the help I can get!