My "Dad"

My dad called last night. . .the real one.  Not the one that adopted me, but the one that gave me up.  The one that cared more about his drugs and girlfriends than his daughter.  Yeah. . .that one called me last night.  He called to ask me about college, graduation, and my surgery.  He told me he would do anything he could to help me out financially with college, and gave me his number so that if I needed something I could call him.  He told me he wished I was going to school down there, and told me that when I come down in July he is going to give me money for graduation.  He said he was proud of me for graduating and continuing my education.  Then. . .as he said goodbye. . .he told me "daddy loves you."  After getting off the phone with him I couldn't help but cry.  This is the man that couldn't bother to call me on my birthday or hug me when I came to visit.  This is the man that never had enough time for me.  This is the man that never gave a damn about me.  I got adopted less than a year ago by my step father because this man was never EVER my father.  Why the hell does he care now?  Why is he doing all of this and saying all of this now?  Now that I'm no longer his daughter he calls me and tells me "daddy loves you."  I broke down not because I was angry, or happy, or sad. . .or anything.  I was confused.  He made my head spin and the only way I knew how to react was to break down and cry. . .and then I got "squished" but. . .it hurts.  I'm 18 years old and I'm adopted. . .and now my dad decides to show affection and take responsibility for me. . .WTF?

The Confusing Situation

Over a year ago my mother told my grand parents (my fathers parents) that I wanted my step father to adopt me.  I've always had a very good relationship with them and whenever I would go down to visit my father I always stayed with them.  They were always very good to me and my family.  Well when my mother broke the news to them, that all changed.  My mother told my father that I wanted to be adopted and that all he had to do was pay the child support he owed me (about $5,000) and he wouldn't have to pay another penny.  So he just had to pay what he owed, he didn't have to pay anything while he was coming up with the money or anything while the adoption process was taking place.  I told my mother that I really didn't want anything from him, but she said he owed it to me so I said ok.  So I asked my mother if, with that money, I could get a car and put whatever was left towards college.  So one august morning my grandmother calls me and the first thing she asks is if anyone aside from my little brother and sister were home, and I said no because my step dad and mom were both at work.  She wanted to make sure that they were gone so that she could verbally attack me and break me down because I wanted to be adopted.  She told me things that went on when my father and mother got divorced (I was 5 at the time!) and did all she could to get me turned against my mother.  My grandmother is a very two faced person.  She always tells me that I am more mature than my father and that she is sorry that I have to deal with him.  She also always told me that she always loved my mother very much.  But like I said, she's two faced.  She always gossips with everyone she can, but then she is nice to the person she is gossiping about.  Well she attacked me because my mother wanted the child support from my father and said that I was being bought and sold and accused me of only using my father for money because I had asked to use that money for a car.  She made it sound like the divorce was all my mothers fault and my father did nothing wrong.  She broke me down until I was in tears and then said goodbye.  I immediately called my mother and told her what had happened.  She was very upset and wrote a letter to my grandmother telling her never to contact my mother again and that if I wanted a relationship with her, that was up to me.  I honestly didn't want much of one after that.  I told myself that if she really loved me she wouldn't have done that.  She would love me no matter what and want whats best for me.  Well almost a year went by and I used that time to think about it.  My grandmother can't admit when she's wrong and if she's hurting she wants to bring down everyone that is around her.  She also likes changing the story around so that she looks like the good guy.  So I was sure that she had turned that entire side of the family against me.  In July I wrote her a letter saying that I was over it and I wanted to put everything behind us and be family again.  I told her that I thought about her and my grandfather very often and missed them and loved them.  I'm sure the rest of the family has no idea that she called me up and attacked me and I'm sure she told them that I wanted nothing to do with them or something to that extent.  But a few weeks after sending the letter she called me.  I didn't expect her to admit she was wrong, but instead she continued to attack me.  I told her how I felt this time.  I told her there was nothing I could do to make her happy and that anything my mother did during the divorce didn't concern me.  Eventually she got the hint and changed the subject.  I didn't expect to hear from her after that and I wasn't all that excited to talk to her again either.  I had tried and she didn't want a relationship.  But to my surprise she began calling me just about every other day and she didn't really say much about the money or the adoption.  (I did use 2,600 for a car btw).  She started talking to me just like she used to and telling me that she loved me again.  I don't know if she sees that she was wrong or what, but I'll take it.  I'm happy to have her as my family even if she isn't everything I want her to be.  She is still very good to me and is and will always be my family.  I talked to my grandfather for the first time today in over a year, we didn't get to talk for very long because he had a meeting to go to but he said he would call me back sometime.  I don't know what he thinks or what he was told.  I never intended to upset them when I asked to be adopted.  I thought they would love me no matter what and want whats best for me.  They both know that my father is an alcoholic, a drug addict, and abusive.  I'm happy to have a relationship with them anyway, i'm greatful for what I have.  That is my confusing situation.

Adoption :D

Well, something I neglected to mention earlier is that I'm being adopted by my step dad.  My mother and real father got married when I was three and got divorced just a few months later.  He was in and out of my childhood and I was very confused.  I don't really have a lot of good memories of him.  I do remember him smoking pot in front of me when I was just a toddler, and being excited whenever he came back home.  I remember when my mom kicked him out, I remember that as if it was yesterday.  I was sitting on the couch in the living room and watching some television.  My mother and father were in the next room which was the dining room fighting.  I could see them clearly from where I was because there was no door between the rooms, just an arch-like-opening.  I had just woken up from my nap and my mother was covered in bruises.  My dad did a lot of drugs and my mother got sick of it so she flushed them down the toilet.  When my father found out he came home and beat her.  I remember them arguing and my mother telling him to get out and it was over.  I was very confused and I started to cry and hid my face in a pillow.  Someone tried to move the pillow from my face, I assume it was my mother, but they didn't succeed.  When I was 5 my mother met my step father, Gary.  They were both corrections officers for the county.  Gary had gotten two tickets to a concert and needed someone to go with and everyone there suggested he ask out my mother, but they weren't sure if she was with someone or not because she seemed so content.  But he asked her anyway and she said yes.  They went out a few times before the concert to get to know each other, before long he started staying the night, and then several nights because my mothers house was closer to where they both worked than his house.  Then he moved it and a 2 years later my mother got pregnant with my little sister, and then another 2 years passed and she got pregnant with my little brother.  I didn't like him very much when I was younger because I was very confused.  Although I didn't have much of a relationship with my father who lived in Georgia, I still considered him my father like any young child would.  I visited him and the rest of my family down there about once a year.  He didn't really have much to do with me.  Then when I was 9 we moved from our house to Garys house which is where we still live now.   They got married when I was 10 and I was the maid of honor.  Right before I turned 16 was when I asked Gary to adopt me, I actually asked him when we were fighting.  I don't really remember what we were fighting about, but he brought up something about me not liking him and thats when I said, "don't like you? Gary I want you to adopt me!" He was blown away and he said he would adopt me in a heartbeat.  Well that Heartbeat has taken over a year and a half, but we're nearing the end of the very long process.  Today we have a home visit from probation.  They come and see our home and ask me and my family questions about our relationship and what not.  I think its funny because I still live with my mother and Gary has raised me since I was 5 years old, but its their policy.  I'll keep you updated and whats to come, but soon we will have court dates and I will get my last name changed.  Wish me luck :D