Graduation

So I graduated, and while I was on the stage this is what I was thinking:
I've been on this stage hundreds of times between all of the shows I've been in as well as orchestra and choir concerts. . .but now I face my biggest audience and this time I'm playing the part of a graduate.  Up until this point I've performed with a script.  The script was the guidelines I lived by whether it was the rules my parents set, or the routine I performed every day. . .but now, its all improvisation. . .now I make the script.  I may never be on that stage again.  My biggest audience watched me decend the stairs and get my deploma, and move my tassle from the right to the left. . .they watched me graduate.  They watched the moment where the life, as I knew it, ended and a new one began.  The script is gone, instead I have a series of blank pages in my hand and a pen.  I'm no longer just an actress, I'm the playwrite, director, producer, and star of my own show. . .Lets see what happens.  :)

Last few days

Well my senior prom wasn't as amazing as people make it out to be.  I went through the motions and danced with a few of my friends. . .but prom really isn't my thing and I kinda knew I wasn't going to enjoy it all that much.  But 50 bobby pins and 4 shampoo sessions later I am done with that and I can mark it off of my check list.  Tonight is my last high school orchestra concert and tomorrow is my last day of high school.  I took my geology final first period today and I'm taking my precalc final next period.  Geology was easy and I was done with in like 20 mins.  I can't believe its done.  I am happy that its over but at the same time I'm sad.  This year went by so fast.  If nothing else, this year I've really learned who my true friends are and they will be the ones I make an effort to keep in contact with over the next few years, you know who you are.  Tonight will be sad. . .I think it will be the hardest part of graduating.  I can't believe tomorrow is my last day.  Honestly though. . .as I experience all of this, I can't help but think of my cousin and how she never got to do these things.  She never got to go to prom, or graduation, or turn 18, or go gambling. . .every time I experience something new because of my age I think of her and how she died when she was only 16.  I don't feel lucky that I get to experience it. . .I feel sad that she didn't. . .idk. . .just a thought. 

End of Senior Year

As of wednesday I am officially done with my senior year and highschool in general.  This whole time I have been counting down the days and now that its here. . .I want to cry.  A couple of weeks ago we got our yearbooks and I wished all of my friends the best of luck and more or less left them a goodbye note.  I teared up while writing a few of them.  I don't think any of the messages I left were less than about half a page, Gabby got a page and a half lol.  Its sad.  Graduation always seemed to be like this mythical thing that would never come to be. . .but here it is looking us in the face.  I'm here looking back and I'm in disbelief.  Signing yearbooks was hard and I plan to dedicate posts to a few of my friends here.  Then yesterday I went to my sisters choir concert, but there were a few other groups performing as well such as the 6th grade orchestra.  They played two of the same songs I played when I was in middle school and that made me cry because it seems like yesterday I was in the 6th grade orchestra playing Canon and Ode to Joy.  Tuesday is my last highschool orchestra concert and I know I won't make it all the way through without crying.  Mr. Milman has been teaching me since I was in the 5th grade and we've made it so far. . .and now its all coming to an end.  Tomorrow is my senior prom and I'm sure there will be some tears shed then as I spend one of the last days at a school event with all my friends.  We are all going in different directions and starting our own lives on different paths.  I tear up when I think about it. . .not all bad tears although I'm sad its coming to an end, but I just can't believe it and I am so happy for everyone.  We've spent so many years together with our back packs on our backs and lunches in our hands. . .the days where we had one teacher a day to now where most of us cut more classes than we go to. . .and now its all ending and I'm not going to see these people on a daily basis.  We've anticipated this day since the first day of kindergarden and now its here and its like being struck by lightening.  Its hard to imagine anything different than what our life has been for the last 17-18 years.  But I wish the entire class of 2010 the best.  See you at prom tomorrow and graduation on the 25th. 

Graduation Party

So my Grad party is July 17th :) I am deff excited.  I'm not really doing any of the planning, my mom is kinda in control and I'm just showing up.  Legend has it that there will be a DJ there, lots a food, a cash bar, STUMP, and mee :) I made a list of my friends and my mom made a list of family.  I'm pretty sure I got everybody but if you would like to make sure you are on that list please hit me up.  I'm pretty good at remembering people and what not but sometimes my mind fails me sooo I can use all the help I can get.  Its going to be Saturday July 17th from 1pm-6pm :) be there or be square.

My Visit With Tim

Well I'm back home from my trip to Missouri.  I only got to see my fiance for about 7.5 hours but I loved every second.  I got to touch him and kiss him and that is what mattered the most.  He looked so sexi in his uniform. . .Class A's. . .is that what they are called?? Well anyways he looked amazing.  Kissing him. . .omg it took my breath away.  Well his mom encouraged us to spend some "special alone time" in the bathroom *wink wink* which was right off of the hotel room (awkward) but we did. . .it was. . .fun haha.  He is just so sexi and I am so in love with him.  I get to talk to him just about every day now which makes me very happy, its the next best thing to seeing him.  The thing about our relationship. . .when i see him for the first time after a long wait its like falling in love at first sight every time.  When I have to go months at a time without seeing him, the moment that I do. . .I can't even put it into words what I feel.  My heart skips a beat and I'm instantly reminded of how much he means to me, and I swear I fall even more in love with him every time.  The bad thing. . .the good byes.  After falling even more in love with him and barely being able to breath every second I spend with him. . .my heart breaks.  I have to say goodbye and know that I won't see him again for a long time.  Do you know what that feels like?? Again. . .lack of words.  My heart breaks.  I can't choke back the tears, they just pour out.  But I swear it makes every moment I have with him that much better, and it makes the next meeting that much more special.  Our love is special because its always new.  Our time together is special because its so rare.  That is why I want to marry him, because Tim and I share something so special and so emotional. . .and I hate that I can't be with him every day, but absense makes the heart grow stronger and without the pain, I couldn't feel compassion. . .our relationship proves this. 

Timothy Evan Manchester Jr.  I love you more than anything.  You and me forever ♥