My Heart Part IV

The ice gets thin between winter and spring.
I would not put my heart on a piece of thin ice.
I will keep it inside.
Where it is nice and warm.
Until I know its safe again.

My Heart Part III

My heart is fragile. . .like the wings of a butterfly.
My heart breaks. . .it shatters like glass.
The pieces scatter with each new break.
Pieces are missing.
But its okay. . .
My heart has been glued back together many times.
Missing pieces have been filled by the hearts of others.
My heart may be broken.
But it's beautiful like stained glass.
Handle with care.

My Heart Part II

It will suffice. . .for now. 

My Heart

Anyone want to finish it off and put me out of my misery??

The Walls part II

I kinda wanted to add to the last post I just made. . .I wanted to add some thoughts about it.  I honestly didn't realize that I had built a wall, not until yesterday.  I didn't realize that I was making it so I was incapable to really feel anything.  Before, I used to let myself feel everything. . .was it a bad thing?  Well as most of you know I went from one very long, beautiful, relationship to the second.  The first ended with me saying goodbye and regretting it with every essence of my being after, the second ended in my world crashing down.  After that. . .I didn't want to feel.  I dated without any intent of it going any where, which is something I never used to do and don't even feel right about doing, I got bored really fast with the different people I dated because I refused to let myself trust them or feel anything for them.  Thats not the type of person I am, and it wasn't until just a few days ago that I realized thats what I've been doing.  I'm one of the most sincere people in the world.  People always tell me that you should play hard to get with guys, and act as if you're not really interested because they want what they can't have.  Well, as a lot of you already know, I CAN'T DO THAT!!! It is seriously impossible.  Well. . .maybe not impossible because I guess thats pretty much what I've been doing for the last few months subconsciously.  A lot of the guys that I dated, if they liked me. . .I got scared and ran away.  In other cases, I refused to trust them.  But I'm the type of person that normally can't hide how I feel, and I'm an honest and sincere person so I will tell you.  People tell me thats the wrong way to be.  My mother tells me I shouldn't wear my heart on my sleeve like that because thats how I always get hurt.  I think, I would rather be sincere and be myself and have someone fall for me that way, then play head games like "hard to get."  Yesterday was when I really noticed how much of a wall I had built up and how I had been acting since Tim and I split up. . .I didn't like it.  I mean, I don't want to get hurt again, and I'm scared of letting someone in again.  So the wall is still there. . .but its coming down a grain of sand at a time.  Its hard to let someone in after all these months of keeping everyone out.  I've allowed myself to feel things lately. . .and its nice.  Its nice to like someone, and to begin to trust someone.  The walls are still up. . .but maybe, just maybe in a few months to a year they will come down and someone can get inside.  What they do to it is up to them. 

The Walls

The walls are falling down.  The walls that I built around my heart are crumbling to pieces.  The walls that I've been building up for the last 4 months are melting away. . .leaving me vulnerable.  With each passing day small pieces get chipped away. . .I feel it.  I built up the wall to keep out intruders, to keep my fragile heart safe.  I almost forgot what it felt like for someone to break down my walls.  No, I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. . .No, I'm not sure if its a good thing. . .Yes, I'm scared.  But as I sit here and think about you. . .I will allow you to pick away the hard stone surrounding my heart.  The walls are so well built and so strong, it will take you a while to get inside.  I can't protect my heart forever. . .and eventually someone will have to get inside.  Maybe it will be you?  I'll let you try.

My Heart. . .

Love makes my heart beat faster and slower.
It beats faster when I hear your voice
when I feel your warmth
when I see your face
when I taste your mouth
when I smell your lust.
My heart races when I think about you near me,
holding me,
kissing me,
loving me.

It beats slower when you're away,
when I know I can't see you,
hear you,
feel you,
smell you,
or taste you.
When I remember that I am yours forever, it slows down and makes forever last.
It sometimes skips a beat at thought of our future.

You are my future, my life, my love. . .my everything. 


*I won't forget what is most important*